Kennyon's Comedy Hour
by Kennyon
Summary: Seriously....Readers It's updated! Yay!
1. My intro

*Cheesy spot lights flash the stage and the curtains open to reveal, Kennyon in a cute little blue number running forward*  
  
Kennyon: Welcome to the Kennyon Comedy Hour!  
  
*Applause sign comes up*  
  
Audience: *claps at Kennyon*  
  
Kennyon: Thank you, thank all of you. For all of you new to the show, this is a show where we take famous movies and make short films using the characters! We also like to pull people from the audience and put them in the film at the last minute. Isn't that a riot!  
  
*Laugh sign comes up*  
  
Audience: *Laughs, but it sounds forced*  
  
Kennyon: So today we have chosen a good old classic. Such a good movie. We've chosen. . .  
  
Lily: Aren't you going to introduce us?  
  
Timmy: Yeah, we want to be on this fake TV show too!.  
  
Kennyon: Now isn't a good time guys! *smiles weakly at audience trying to cover up the embarrassment Lily and Timmy have caused*  
  
Lily: *Jumping on stage* Hi everybody, I'm Lily! I like cookies, pina~ colodas and getting caught in the. . .  
  
Timmy: Sorry about her everyone. She's a little desperate since her imaginary boyfriend dumped her . . . um what was his name?  
  
Lily: Gabriel Damon  
  
Timmy: See what I mean folks. What kind of name is that? It's obviously made up!  
  
Kennyon: For those of you who don't know, Gabriel Damon played Spot in the movie Newsies. Hey wait a minute Lily, you dated Gabriel Damon?  
  
Lily: Of course I did.  
  
Kennyon: Well we have Spot Conlon here today, he looks like Gabriel and talks like Gabriel and walks like Gabriel . . . heck he's the next best thing to Gabriel.  
  
Lily: Really?  
  
Kennyon: Would I lie to you?  
  
Lily and Timmy: Yes!  
  
Kennyon: Well I'm not right now. But you can't meet him if we don't start the film. So without further adieu. . .  
  
Lily: When can I meet him?  
  
Timmy: Man you're desperate.  
  
Lily: Shut up Mr. Can't-get-a-date-if-his-life-depended-on-it!  
  
Timmy: Hey you want to fight?  
  
Lily: Sure, bring it on!  
  
*Lily and Timmy begin to fight on stage and the audience looks around wondering what to do*  
  
Kennyon: This is Newsies and You! Please watch, and don't sue because it's dumb. I mean if we sued everyone because we thought they were dumb, no one would do anything but sue people. And about that. . .  
  
*Lights fade and Kennyon's mike is turned off. Music starting the movie plays*  
  
************************************************************************  
  
So what do you think? Well you all know what to do. Please send me suggestions on what to do. I want to keep going, unless you don't want me to. So if you're unsure what to send just go back a chappie and read it. Thanks all. 


	2. Spot and Race

*Lights come up revealing an ice cream shop, possible Baskin Robbins*  
  
Salesman: Go to Baskin Robbins today and try one of our 31 flavors . . . they are yum yum delicious!  
  
*Someone shoots the sales man and Spot Conlon enters the stage*  
  
Spot: Can ya believe dose stupid sales people? dey always come down here when ever we film one of dese tings hopin ta get on TV and dey always end up gettin shot!  
  
Race: Yeah, I keep tellin Kennyon it's a waste of bullets but will she listen. . . NO!  
  
Kennyon: Hey guys! That isn't part of the script.  
  
Spot: We don't care! We're sick and tired of doing dese tings! I'm a professional movie star I shouldn't have ta do crap like dis!  
  
Kennyon: Um. . . Spot?  
  
Spot: What?  
  
Kennyon: May I ask the last time you did an actual movie?  
  
Race: OH OH! I know dis one! *Waving hand in air* Pick me!  
  
Spot: Fine I'll do da stupid thing. What is today's show about Kennyon?  
  
*Lights come up and Kennyon steps forward to make a big speech*  
  
Kennyon: Today you two are going to be sitting in the ice cream shop eating ice cream, when a humongous glob of Taffy will come and crush the ice cream shop. Then you Spot will transform into Super Spot with your trusty side kick Radical Racetrack and save the day!  
  
*Crickets chirp in the background*  
  
Spot: Dat is da dumbest idea I have ever . . . will someone turn off da cricket machine?  
  
Race: I thought dey fixed that thing.  
  
Spot: Yeah, so did me. Oh well.  
  
Kennyon: What's wrong with my idea?  
  
Spot: Kennyon, nothing is wrong it's just dat me and Race have been thinking and well. .  
  
Race: We want DRAMA!  
  
*Dramatic music plays. DUM DUM DUM!*  
  
Kennyon: Drama? Why on earth would you guys want Drama? What's wrong with stopping big blobs of Taffy?  
  
Lily: I'll tell you what's wrong! They have to rescue a damsel in distress, and then fall madly in love with her!  
  
Spot: Yeah, I should rescue a beautiful girl from da clutches of an evil mastermind.  
  
*Spot and Lily look at each other. Lily leaps forward as if madly in love*  
  
Lily: *leaping* Oh Spot. . .  
  
Spot: If only we had a dramatic girl to play da part.  
  
*Lily falls flat on her face. The audience laughs and Lily stands up crying*  
  
Lily: Shut up! It's not that funny!  
  
*Lily runs off the stage*  
  
Kennyon: We could do that IF, like you said we had a dramatic girl, who was willing to kiss you Spot, but where are we going to find one.  
  
Race: Hey what about me? I want a girl ta kiss me!  
  
Kennyon: Yeah, we know that Race, and have we ever been able to find one?  
  
Race: Well what if ya asked the audience?  
  
Kennyon: Well I guess we could. . .  
  
*Kennyon approaches the audience*  
  
Kennyon: *shouting* Are there any girls out there willing to kiss SPOT CONLON or RACETRACK HIGGINS? Anyone?  
  
Timmy: I know I'm not a girl willing to kiss them, but you don't have to shout Kennyon you have a Mike!  
  
Kennyon: Yeah but they *pointing to the producers* turn it off whenever I speak to the audience.  
  
Spot: *whispers to Race* I wonder why?  
  
*Race laughs hysterically and wipes a tear from his eye as he snorts.*  
  
Kennyon: See Race, this is why you didn't have a date for the Fourth of July last year.  
  
*Race stops laughing and stares at Kennyon*  
  
Race: Oh yeah. . .  
  
Kennyon: Yeah!  
  
Race: Well. . . I got nothin.  
  
Kennyon: Well if two girls will tell me that they are willing to be the cute little drama queens for you two, of course they would have to expect romantic results, and then I'll take them. They just have to tell me so . . . or I can't continue this show.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
You heard me! I need two girls willing to be the drama queens for Spot Conlon and Racetrack Higgins. Please let me know as soon as possible. First come first serve! Or you can fight over it. I don't care. But I won't continue until two of you let me know that you are willing to be in my story. Let me know soon! 


	3. The Musical Number

Hey thanks everyone who offered. I'm glad that I have at least . . . what was it four people that have reviewed and have asked to be in the story . . . I'm glad it's getting such publicity. So I have girls for both guys so let's see what happens. If you still want to be in my story then you have to write a review. (The requirements are in chapter 1 "What you have to do") Thanks muches! I know you love me!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Kennyon: *Sitting at a desk with reading glasses on, reads from a piece of paper*  
  
Dear Kennyon,  
I love your show so much,  
  
*to the side*  
  
that's good to know.  
  
*back to letter*  
  
I really love everything about it. The concept, the music the lighting and the people you have picked to be in your shows. I would especially like to compliment that Timmy kid. He's a hottie; I mean how can you not like him. He's masculine and funny, and handsome and cute and. . . .  
  
*looking up from the paper and yelling* TIMMY GET YOUR BUT OUT HERE!  
  
Timmy: What do you want know?  
  
Kennyon: Can you tell me what this is?  
  
*Kennyon hands Timmy the letter and Timmy reads it as a smile spreads across his face and he hands it back to Kennyon*  
  
Timmy: Obviously Kennyon its fan mail for me!  
  
Kennyon: Yeah, okay whatever. Um . . . next time you send yourself fan mail, make it less obvious it was you.  
  
Timmy: What are you talking about? I didn't send that!  
  
Kennyon: Of course you did! One you're the only person who thinks that your *uses two fingers to make quotes* handsome. Two you signed it "YMMIT" which is your name spelled backwards, and three the paper says "from the desk of Timmy Fitzgerald!  
  
Timmy: *Taking paper again* Hmmm . . . . so it does. Well I had to send something! I never get fan mail!  
  
*Timmy turns away from Kennyon and begins to cry, although he tries to hide it*  
  
Timmy: I mean come on *sniff* No body ever writes to me! They always write to you and say how cute you are.  
  
*Kennyon smiles proudly*  
  
Kennyon: That's because I am cute. But Timmy you're cute too! I mean there are probably hundreds of cute girls out there that would love to write about you if you weren't so antagonist all the time.  
  
Timmy: *sniffs with tears rolling down his face* You think so?  
  
Kennyon: Of course I do.  
  
Timmy: Thanks Kennyon you always make me feel. . . Hey is that camera on?  
  
Kennyon: Of course, we're in the middle of "Mail with Kennyon".  
  
Timmy: *Stands up wiping his tears* YOU MEAN THAT WAS FILMED!  
  
Kennyon: Of course! We had to do something while Spot and Race get their makeup on.  
  
Timmy: Why didn't you tell me!?  
  
Kennyon: I thought you knew, I mean you are the camera man.  
  
Timmy: That doesn't mean I know when the camera is on. I can't believe you filmed that you . . . you . . . you backstabbing naughty word!  
  
Kennyon: See this is why no girls like you.  
  
Timmy: Well . . . um . . . screw you!  
  
*Timmy runs off the stage and Kennyon looks at the audience*  
  
Kennyon: Do you guys understand him?  
  
*The audience shrugs, as a few girls giggle about Timmy crying*  
  
Kennyon: I think we have read enough fan mail. I think if I read anymore we might have the entire newsie gang out here crying, and then David would come out here saying "Lighten up. . ." and then music would play and we would have a problem on our hands. . .  
  
*An audience member stands up*  
  
Person who I don't know the name of: What do you mean?  
  
*David Jacobs comes from Stage left with a spotlight on him. He takes center stage and clasps his hands together*  
  
Kennyon: Oh no . . . *covers her ears with her hands*  
  
David: Open the gates and seize the day.  
Don't be afraid and don't delay.  
Nothing can break us.  
No one can make us  
Give our rights away.  
Arise and seize the day.  
  
*A group of newsies enters the stage in long red robes and stands in choir style behind David*  
  
David: Now is the time to seize the day.  
  
Newsies: *Echoing* Now is the time to seize the day.  
  
David: Send out the call and join the fray.  
  
Newsies: Send out the call and join the fray.  
  
David: Wrongs will be righted  
If we're united  
  
All: Let us seize the day.  
  
David: Friends of the friendless seize the day.  
  
Newsies: *Echoing* Friends of the friendless seize the day.  
  
David: Raise up the torch and light the way.  
  
Newsies: Raise up the torch and light the way.  
  
All: Proud and defiant we'll slay the giant.  
Let us seize the day.  
Neighbor to neighbor,  
Father to son,  
One for all and all for one.  
  
*The newsies spread into two groups and a few attempt to do break dancing in the middle.*  
  
Group 1: Open the gates and seize the day.  
  
Group 2: *Echoing* Open the gates and seize the day.  
  
Group 1: Don't be afraid and don't delay.  
  
Group 2: Don't be afraid and don't delay.  
  
All: Nothing can break us,  
No one can make us  
Give our rights away.  
Neighbor to neighbor,  
Father to son  
One for all and all for one.  
  
*The Newsies all come together and do some sort of pose thingie, and the audience claps and cheers. The word "Encore" comes from all over the studio audience. Kennyon looks at her watch.*  
  
Kennyon: That took up five whole minutes of air time! *Screaming* DAVID JACOBS!  
  
David: *Out of breath* What?  
  
Kennyon: Do you remember the little talk we had early about you coming out with the newsies, interrupting MY show, and singing and dancing?  
  
David: No, maybe you could recap my memory?  
  
Kennyon: DON'T DO IT!  
  
David: Oh come on, you know you love it!  
  
Kennyon: Well, maybe just a little. Fine, I'll let you off this time. But don't do it again.  
  
*David walks off and Lily enters from the back licking ice cream, she looks at the newsies in red robes now leaving the stage*  
  
Lily: Oh no, did they sing without me.  
  
Kennyon: You didn't miss much.  
  
Lily: Yes I did. Dang! Why doesn't Anyone tell me when these things happen?  
  
Kennyon: Because anyone is busy doing Spot Conlon's makeup for the show.  
  
Anyone: I'm almost done! Sorry I didn't tell you Lily!  
  
Lily: Oh no biggie, I'll just watch it later on my hidden camera.  
  
Kennyon: What hidden camera?  
  
Lily: What, who said hidden camera? I didn't say hidden camera. Um. . . . I'm gunna go see what Timmy's doing.  
  
*Lily runs off stage and the sweat from the previous musical number is cleaned off the stage.*  
  
Kennyon: *addressing the audience* See that's what I mean when I say that we'll have problems.  
  
Same person from earlier that I STILL don't know the name of: I understand now!  
  
Kennyon: Good, I'm glad. Well everybody, we have taken up too much time with pointless antics. But I'm sorry I have one more for you.  
  
*The audience groans and a scary, nerdy guy with glasses stands up.*  
  
Scary, nerdy Guy: Ants? Tics? AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! I can't stay, I'm allergic to bugs.  
  
*The scary nerdy guy runs out of the studio with the audience watching. Kennyon scratches her head in confusion before moving on*  
  
Kennyon: Any way. We have had more then one girl volunteer to be the drama queens for our cute little newsie heroes.  
  
*Spot and Race enter the stage.*  
  
Race: Hey Spot did you hear that!  
  
Spot: Yeah I know it's great!  
  
Race: She called us heroes!  
  
*Race does a super man pose by thrusting out his chest and putting his fists on his waist.*  
  
Spot: Um. . . Race? Didn't you hear the part about the girls?  
  
*Race continues to stare off into space, dreaming about flying.*  
  
Spot: Race? Race?  
  
Kennyon: That's not how you get him out of it, here watch a pro.  
  
*Kennyon approaches Race stands in front of him and screams*  
  
Kennyon: RACE THE HORSE YOU BET ON WON FIRST PLACE! YOU'RE RICH!  
  
*Race continues to stare into space, he's still in that superman pose*  
  
Spot: A pro, are you?  
  
*Kennyon scratches her head again*  
  
Kennyon: It usually works! I think now would be a good time to go to a commercial break!  
  
*Lights on the stage fade while Spot and Kennyon try to figure out how to snap Race out of his trance* 


	4. The Commercial

*The lights come up and we see four boys sitting around a table. All four of them are familiar faces. There is Skittery, Bumlets, Boots, and Pie Eater. The first boy to speak is Skittery*  
  
Skittery: I'm bored!  
  
Boots: Me too!  
  
Pie Eater: I wish we had something to do!  
  
*All four boys sigh. Then a loud voice comes from out of absolutely positively no where.*  
  
Loud Voice: Are you bored?  
  
*Camera goes in front of Bumlets who nods*  
  
Loud Voice: Do you not have anything to do?  
  
*We can see three of the boys who all nod at the camera*  
  
Loud Voice: Well I have something for you to do!  
  
Bumlets: You do?!  
  
Loud Voice: If you want something fun, that's clean and hygienic too, then you'll love my new product!  
  
Pie Eater: But who are you?  
  
*A tall man with gray hair wearing clothes that are out of date steps into the kitchen*  
  
Loud Voice: I am a star from a long time ago that you are all too young to remember. I was a child star for most of my life till those stupid people said you're too old to play an eight year old anymore. And then I would say to them but I'm only 17! Then they would say, yeah well you're too old so leave. Then I would get mad come back that night and torch the studio and laugh while screaming BURN, BABY, BURN!  
  
*The four boys look from the guy to each other and laugh trying to hide the obvious fear of this child prodigy gone pyromaniac.*  
  
Loud Voice: But now I'm getting paid to do commercials because I'm not cute anymore.  
  
Boots: But what do you have to make our boredom go away?  
  
Loud Voice: This. . .  
  
*A "ping" is heard and an complicated object appears on the table*  
  
Loud Voice: This is the Clean-Your-Hand 500!  
  
Skittery: But what does it do?  
  
Bumlets: And how does it work?  
  
Loud Voice: Well you put your hand in here. . . Then you push this button, and it cleans your hand!  
  
*A loud "whirring" sound is heard and the loud voice removes his hand that is now shiny sparkly clean*  
  
Boots: Wow!  
  
Loud Voice: You can play with this thing for hours and never get bored. Because it has pretty colors and it's hygienic. You and your friends can take turns waxing each others hands with this scrub brush after you use the machine. Guaranteed hours of satisfaction or you get a free toothbrush!  
  
Pie Eater: I'm gunna try it right now!  
  
*Pie Eater sticks his hands in the machine and presses the button. His friends gather around to watch*  
  
Pie Eater: Wait, I'm . . . I'm stuck. How do I get my hand out! Owe! It hurts so bad!  
  
*Pie Eater pulls his hand out and finds that it's bleeding. The machine had ripped off some skin. All four boys scream and the guy with gray hair runs out of the room. But his loud voice comes over the speaker again*  
  
Loud Voice: Umm . . . get your Clean-Your-Hand 500 today! Only $19.95! Includes free waxing brush and if you call in the next five minutes we'll throw in a free box of band aids! Call now!  
  
*The light fades with the boys still screaming and Pie Eater trying to bandage his hand. The Clean-Your-Hand 500 has gone wild and is squirting soap and water everywhere. the loud voice comes on one more time*  
  
Loud Voice: Call now to get your Clean-Your-Hand 500! Only $19.95! *speeding up really fast* Not safe for people between the ages of 2 and 200. Do not put your hand in this machine. Some major injuries have occurred. Extreme caution!  
  
*commercial ends* 


	5. The Contest

*The light comes up and we find Kennyon and Spot still trying to revive Race from his trance*  
  
Kennyon: I can't believe this! We have two very excited girls backstage ready to come be drama queens just for Race and he isn't even well. . . I don't know how to describe it! He's not on this planet anymore.  
  
Spot: Wait you have the girls back stage?  
  
Kennyon: Of course I do! Why wouldn't I? They came here to be on a TV show didn't they?  
  
Spot: Go get them I know how we can wake up Race.  
  
Kennyon: Whatever you're thinking of doing better not involve a pit, mud or the girls wrestling.  
  
Spot: Okay, we'll do plan B then! Just go get them.  
  
Kennyon: Hang on!  
  
*Kennyon runs back stage while Spot waits patiently in front of a still completely clueless Race*  
  
Kennyon: I'm back and I have the girls.  
  
*Kennyon is followed by two lovely ladies. Of course Kennyon still thinks she's the cutest of all. The girls look confused as they step onto stage.*  
  
Spot: Well ladies introduce. . .  
  
Lily: Wait! What are you doing? I want to be involved! I never get to do anything, so you gotta let me do this!  
  
*Spot looks from Lily to Kennyon who is trying to hide a laugh. If Spot is doing what Kennyon thinks Spot is doing then Lily is going to be very mad at Kennyon later.*  
  
Spot: Okay Lily. Go stand by that lady on the left.  
  
*Lily hops over to where the other two girls are standing and smiles proudly while rocking back and forth on her feet*  
  
Spot: Will you ladies please first introduce yourselves?  
  
*The girls nod and the first one steps forward*  
  
Legs: Hi my name is Legs! Well my real name is Elizabeth, but lets not go into that story, it well. . . it takes too long to tell, and right now I don't really feel like telling that story, but if you want me to, I would be glad to all you have to do is say the word and I will tell that sto. . .  
  
Spot: No Legs that's okay, just tell us a little about you.  
  
Legs: Oh, okay. I am an American female between the ages of 13 and 19. . .  
  
Spot: Do you mind specifics?  
  
Legs: Okay, fine if you want to be mean like that!  
  
*Kennyon leans over to Spot and whispers something*  
  
Kennyon: *whispering* She is perfect for Race!  
  
*Spot nods and Legs continues*  
  
Legs: I am 16, I am five feet three inches I have greenish brown eyes, well you could call them brownish green, I don't care. I have light brown curly hair as you can see and I love the zoo!  
  
Spot: Thank you Legs. Next girl please. . .  
  
Lily: Stop! What's going on Spot? I want to know!  
  
Spot: Fine I'll tell you all. We are going to have a kissing contest!  
  
Lily: A what?  
  
*Kennyon can't help but laugh now. She knew Spot would do this; after all, it is one of the newsies favorite games. If they could find girls to do it, they would play every night*  
  
Spot: A kissing contest. You three will kiss Race, and the one he likes best will win the chance to co star with Race in your very own dramatic skit!  
  
*The audience looks happy. They finally get to see a skit!*  
  
Lily: I don't want to kiss Race! I'm leaving!  
  
*Lily storms off the stage and out of the studio. The audience watches her again. OH how fascinating Lily is.*  
  
Spot: Well one down, two to go. Will the second young lady introduce herself?  
  
Agua: Of course. I would first like to say that I am a huge fan of this show and that I love Kennyon to death.  
  
Kennyon: Why thank you!  
  
Agua: Secondly I want to say that I love Race so much. I mean if Race didn't run fast enough, I wouldn't only kiss him, I'd marry him!  
  
*A voice comes from somewhere and everyone gets scared when Kid Blink, conveniently dressed as a pirate runs into the room*  
  
Kid Blink: You lie wench!  
  
Agua: What'd you call me?!  
  
Kid Blink: You love me wench and I will not stand by and let you kiss him!  
  
*Blink points to the still motionless Race*  
  
Kid Blink: *approaching Race* He doesn't even move. He just stands there pretending to be some kind of super hero. No I will not allow you to kiss that thing. I am too strong a man and I will not let you go without a fight!  
  
Agua: *speaking to Kennyon* Has he always been this dramatic?  
  
Kennyon: It's all Spot's fault. When he said that he wanted to be more dramatic all the newsies jumped on the Spot Band Wagon, which is actually a very nice blue wagon, and they were like *imitating the newsies* "We say, whatever you say, is what we say" and well Jack Kelly wasn't here to stop them. He's still on his honeymoon. Who ever thought that he would get married to that girl that played that character in that one movie that was filmed at that one place that one year.  
  
Agua: Oh I see. Well I kind of like it!  
  
*Agua looks at Kid Blink who is now walking around Race in a menacing way. He has his plastic sword drawn and is ready to strike.*  
  
Agua: Oh Blink don't hurt him! *She runs to Blink* I love you!  
  
Blink: You do?  
  
Agua: Of course I do. . . Remember that time . . . *she whispers something in Blinks ear and he giggles like a school girl*  
  
Blink: How could I forget that? Come on . . . *he picks Aqua up and walks backstage* Let's go make more memories!  
  
Kennyon: I'm sure that Blink didn't imply anything that would be inappropriate for our TV show. But hmmm. . . They do make a cute couple don't they. I wish my boyfriend would dress as a pirate and threaten to kill a guy for me!  
  
Spot: One did, remember?  
  
Kennyon: OH yeah! Whatever happened to him Spot?  
  
Spot: He got caught stealing hot dogs from a Wal*Mart and was thrown into a Turkish Prison after he bit Barney.  
  
Kennyon: That's right.  
  
Legs: I heard about him. I can't believe you dated him!  
  
Kennyon: Well every girl loves the bad boy.  
  
Legs: I know how that works.  
  
*Kennyon and Legs stand together and sigh, thinking of hot, sexy bad boys*  
  
Spot: *To no one in particular* Girls. . . Okay moving on. Hey we only have one girl left! Dang. I was looking forward to a kissing contest.  
  
Legs: I can still kiss him. I mean I don't object to it and he looks like he needs it.  
  
*Kennyon, Legs and Spot all look at Race who is STILL standing in his super man pose.*  
  
Kennyon: Well okay, If you can wake him up from whatever it is he's doing, you will get to be in a dramatic skit with him! On my show of course.  
  
Legs: Okay here goes.  
  
*Legs walks over to Race and kisses him on the lips. His eyes snap shut and he dips Legs into a dramatic kiss. The audience throws their "Ooooo's" and "Awe's" out and Kennyon is looking at her watch timing the kiss.*  
  
Spot: *to Kennyon* Wow, I didn't know he could do that!  
  
Kennyon: Of course he can, you could too if you weren't such a pain in my *beep*  
  
Spot: Hey no swearing! This is a *beep* family show!  
  
Kennyon: Oh, look who's talking you *beep* hole!  
  
Spot: Oh yeah, Well you are a *beep* who *beep* on her *beep* without a *beep* *beep* on anything but your *beep* *beep*!  
  
Kennyon: What the *beep* did you just say?  
  
Spot: You heard me.  
  
*Kennyon looks funny at Spot then notices that the tonsil hockey between Legs and Race is over*  
  
Kennyon: Oh look they're done!  
  
Spot: Finally!  
  
Legs: Wow! That was amazing!  
  
Race: Yeah I know I am! Hey Spot, thanks for thinking of the kissing contest! I owe you buddy.  
  
Spot: No problem.  
  
Kennyon: Wait, you two were in this together? I can't believe this. You probably faked that little act of yours going blank like that.  
  
Race: That's why I have been in a truck load of films. I am a great actor!  
  
Legs: And a terrific kisser!  
  
Race: Thank you.  
  
Kennyon: Race you didn't play all those parts, Max Casella did, but because you conveniently look like him you got to have some cameos in HIS movies.  
  
Spot: Yeah, but that was still a funny joke to play on you.  
  
*In a matter of minutes the entire studio audience, Legs, Spot and Race are all laughing at Kennyon. Lily runs on stage to see what's going on*  
  
Lily: *looking around* Who they laughing at . . . oh they're laughing at Kennyon! Hey Timmy they're laughing at Kennyon!  
  
Timmy: *running on stage* They are? They are!  
  
*Timmy runs in front of Kennyon and starts to laugh*  
  
Timmy: Ha ha! Now how does it feel! Ha ha ha ha!  
  
*Timmy dances around Kennyon for a few seconds before she locks him into a head lock. Everyone stops laughing and Kennyon releases Timmy*  
  
Kennyon: Thank you. Well yes it was a funny joke but this episode is almost over. Legs you have gotten the chance to play our drama queen in a skit with Race. I'm glad that I didn't have to do it. So on our next episode we will get to see that as well as meet the lovely ladies who will compete for a chance to be Spot's little drama queen.  
  
Spot: Yup!  
  
Kennyon: I would like to remind all of you that I didn't want to do drama, but these guys are just so stubborn, and they threatened me with a piece of cardboard if I didn't do the drama. I am deathly afraid of cardboard! So let's finish today. Tune in again soon to see Legs and Race staring in their own skit.  
  
*The lights fade but before they do, Race pulls Legs into another deep kiss and you can hear Timmy crying over his poor red neck. Ha get it Red neck!*  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Hey everybody! Thanks to Legs and Agua for volunteering themselves to be subjected to my torture! *Laughs manically* I will have another chapter posted soon. I am working on another story right now so I have to write a chapter for that but I will get a chapter up as soon as I can! If girls still want to be Spot's drama queens let me know! Tell me why you deserve it more. Let me know soon or you won't get to do it. Also if you want to be in the story for another newsie go back to chapter one, read the guidelines and let me know! I don't think that this story will ever end so just keep talking to me. the more I get reviews the faster chapters get posted because I need audience input to write. Please read Love, Lust, and Money if you like drama and romance! See you all soon. 


	6. The Film

*A sign flashes on the screens of hundreds*  
  
~Attention all viewers of the TV show ~Kennyon's Comedy Hour~  
  
*Kennyon appears on the screen flashes a smile and begins to speak*  
  
Kennyon: Hi, I am Kennyon. I have received some very disturbing news. Apparently there was a strike in a small region in Tonga, about the way I treat my camera man, Timmy Fitzgerald. I have had problems similar to this in the past so in order to avoid a law suit from those Tongans, We are taking five minutes from MY show and bringing you the following. . .  
  
*Kennyon walks off the screen and cute little music plays. We see a completely white room where there are now pink flamingos. Then the flamingos step forward.*  
  
Flamingos: "We love you Timmy, oh yes we do. . .  
We love you Timmy and we'll be true  
When you're not near us we're blue -oooo-  
Oh Timmy we love you!  
  
*Timmy steps into the room and begins to do a dance as the flamingos continue to sing.*  
  
Flamingos: "We love you Timmy, oh yes we do. . .  
We love you Timmy and we'll be true  
When you're not near us we're blue -oooo-  
Oh Timmy we love you!  
  
*Timmy begins to sing with them while attempting what appears to be a type of ballet, tai-bo, karate dance thing.*  
  
Timmy: We love me Timmy, oh yes we do. . .  
  
*Kennyon comes back on screen with ear muffs on and begins to speak very loudly.*  
  
Kennyon: THE SAME GROUP IN TONGA THAT WANTED THIS HAS GONE INTO A REVOLT. THEY SAY IF WE DON'T END THIS, *pointing to the convulsing Timmy* THEN THEY WILL SUE. AND THEY AREN'T THE ONLY ONES! A GROUP IN ICELAND HAS SAID, AND I QUOTE, "TIMMY'S DANCING AND SINGING IS WORSE THAN A VIKING ON STEROIDS. AND TRUST US VIKINGS ON STEROIDS ARE SCARY." END QUOTE. SO I WOULD LIKE TO ENHANCE THIS PORTION OF MY SHOW. ONE MOMENT. . .  
  
*Kennyon leaves the room and returns holding a baseball bat and a tranquilizer gun. She aims the tranquilizer at Timmy and fires*  
  
Timmy: Owe, what was that for!?  
  
*Timmy approaches Kennyon with fists raised*  
  
Timmy: Bring it on!  
  
*Timmy is a few inches in front of Kennyon. He swings and just before he hits her he collapses. Kennyon turns and shouts.*  
  
Kennyon: Okay newsies come and get the flamingos! I'll take care of Timmy. *facing camera* this is for all the poor little kids in China who's virgin eyes have been soiled.  
  
*Kennyon begins to beat on Timmy with the bat.*  
  
Kennyon: *Looking up briefly* I couldn't kill the guy. Who would make me laugh when I'm in a bad mood? I mean it's really funny when he's shaving and he's walking around in his bathrobe . . . ha ha ha *begins to laugh*  
  
*Kennyon goes back to beating on Timmy. We see newsies enter from every angle and they start to run around chasing the flamingos.*  
  
Skittery: Get back here you over stuffed pink desert!  
  
*Yes, the newsies do have a taste for flamingos; they taste good with chocolate and strawberries. If you don't believe me, try it!"  
  
Bumlets: Come here little birdie! I promise not to eat you . . . what am I saying . . . you know I'm gunna eat you! Ha ha ha.  
  
*The newsies race around trying to capture the flamingos. Kennyon continues to beat on poor Timmy, remember foam bat,*  
  
Kennyon: Die, Die Die!  
  
*After ten minutes and the capture of every flamingo, Timmy is dragged out and Kennyon stands back up.*  
  
Kennyon: There you go everyone, now we can get on with the good stuff. Today on my show we finally have a film for you. It stars Racetrack Higgins, my good friend and loyal viewer Legs. So here we go.  
  
*Just before the music plays, Lily, painted completely blue, runs onto the stage*  
  
Lily: Wait! I have a complaint! Stop don't play the opening music credits.  
  
Kennyon: What's wrong, you look a little blue?  
  
*Kennyon laughs at her own joke.*  
  
Kennyon: Ha, get it BLUE! *she starts dancing around* you're blue daba-de- daba-di. She falls over in laughter.  
  
Lily: Ha ha ha. I am blue because SOMEONE *she looks around suspiciously,* put blue die in the shower in the trailer I don't have!  
  
Kennyon: You mean someone put blue die in MY shower in MY trailer.  
  
Lily: Yeah pretty much.  
  
Kennyon: That means . . . *gasps in horror* somebody wanted to ruin me by dying me blue! Oh Lily you saved me from humiliation.  
  
Lily: Yeah, yeah, I know it was meant for you, but YOU aren't the one that's blue! I am!  
  
Kennyon: But who would put blue die in my shower?  
  
Lily: I don't know, but who ever did they might strike again!  
  
Kennyon: That's right! Somebody is after me; I mean I can completely understand that I am cute as a button. *strikes cute pose* But why would they try to hurt me?  
  
Lily: I dunno. *shrugs shoulders*  
  
*Kennyon looks to the audience*  
  
Kennyon: Was it one of you?  
  
*Most of the audience shakes their heads but some guy with a handle bar moustache stands up*  
  
Guy with moustache: It was me! Ha ha ha. I'm gunna get you Kennyon if it be da last ting I do! Ha ha ha. You haven't seen da last of me.  
  
*The guy twiddles his moustache and throws a smoke bomb down. He disappears from the spot and reappears at the exit. He sees the audience watching him and turns towards them.*  
  
Guy with moustache: Well you try making it all da way from dere ta here in one bound! It's hard!  
  
*The guy throws down another bomb and is gone when the smoke clears*  
  
Lily: Oh no! I wonder who that was!  
  
Kennyon: Well before we figure it out we have to show that film starring Legs! Her best friend Oswald is here and he came to see here perform and he can't come back tomorrow. *Kennyon turns to the audience, again* Huh, Oswald.  
  
Oswald: s'that thgir!  
  
Lily: What did he say?  
  
Kennyon: Oh, he's a backwards talker. He says everything backwards. Oh and Lily I hear he's single.  
  
Lily: Really? Well he's cute and he is intelligent enough to say stuff backwards. *turning to the audience* Hey Oswald you wanna go out with me?  
  
Oswald: d'I evol ot og tou htiw uoy sa gnol sa uoy era gnilliw ot evig em ydnac senac dna raew ym utut nehw ew og no a etad.  
  
Lily: I'll take that as a yes!  
  
*Lily runs up and sits by Oswald.*  
  
Lily: Hold me. . .  
  
Oswald: *embracing Lily* ko!  
  
*Oswald and Lily sit together and the camera flashes back to Kennyon.*  
  
Kennyon: I think our audience has waited long enough! Presenting, Legs and Racetrack Higgins in the dramatic, Day at the Zoo!  
  
*The screen goes black and it counts backward from five. *  
  
Screen: 5. . . 4. . . 3. . .  
  
Homer J. Simpson: Here comes 2!  
  
Screen: 2. . .  
  
*The movie starts opening to a scene where we see Race sitting on a bench in front of the monkey cage eating a sandwich*  
  
Race: Here I am, sitting in front of the monkey cage eating a sandwich.  
  
*Race looks around and sees that no body is around see he puts his hand through the cage and gives one of the monkey's a bite.*  
  
Race: Here you go Mr. Monkey. Enjoy.  
  
*Race pulls his hand backs out and finishes his lunch. Just as he throws his litter away he hears a scream*  
  
Legs: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Race: Oh, no! What could that be?  
  
*Legs is sitting alone on a bench outside of the elephants when Race finds her.*  
  
Race: Excuse me Miss, but might I ask what's wrong?  
  
Legs: Oh, one of the elephants took my hat!  
  
Race: My goodness! Might I offer you a tissue?  
  
*Race hands Legs a tissue and she wipes her nose in it.*  
  
Legs: Thanks.  
  
Race: You keep it.  
  
*Total cliché, happens to every great couple at the beginning*  
  
Race: Well is there anything I can do to help?  
  
Legs: You can get my hat away from the elephant.  
  
Race: Okay, It's not like I haven't faced a two ton animal that could crush me before.  
  
*Race gulps and prepares to leap the wall*  
  
Legs: Oh, oh be careful.  
  
Race: I will. . . don't worry.  
  
*Race jumps the wall and starts to walk around. He looks for an elephant holding a hat. He sees one runs toward it. He walks around it. The hat is being help pretty tight in the trunk. If he could only get on top of it.*  
  
Race: If I could only get on top of it. . .  
  
*Why does he keep repeating me? I mean I'm just the narrator, don't I have a real part. I explain everything that is happening so that the audience can understand what's going on. You think that they would give me some credit and not repeat everything I say. I do have feelings. I mean who is going to narrate for me when I get all blubbery? Oh there I go now. Crying like a baby. See that? It's a tear. It's like no one appreciates me anymore. Well I have taken enough I'm leaving. . .  
  
Kennyon: Umm. . . .now what are we supposed to do? I didn't even have anyone to narrate my entrance. Lily, Timmy, get out of here!  
  
Lily: What is it?  
  
Timmy: Hey Lily where was your narration? Oh dear! Where was mine!  
  
Kenyon: The narrator quit. Right in the middle of the movie. I mean what are Legs and Race supposed to do. I'm not going to narrate!  
  
Legs: Hey Kennyon where'd the narrator go? Who is supposed to narrate the kisses between Race and I?  
  
Race: Yeah Kennyon, well I guess Legs and I could still do it, but nobody will know what's going on.  
  
Legs: Well I guess that is a good thing in some parts. Who knows how many little kids are reading this and not getting the truth behind the words.  
  
Race: Yeah that's true. Hey Legs, well you wanna go do something no body will get.  
  
Legs: Race not now! This is a crisis! We don't have a narrator. How are we supposed to exit?  
  
Race: What! NO, Kennyon you have to get a narrator fast!  
  
Kennyon: Where are we supposed to get a narrator at this hour?  
  
Lily: Well I think we should have auditions for one!  
  
Timmy: Yeah! We could do it like the American Idol show. Oh I can be Simon! Somebody narrate me sounding just like Simon Cowel.  
  
Legs: Ok fine. Timmy imitates Simon Cowel.  
  
Timmy: That was just wretched, you are absolutely the worst narrator in America. Hey how was that?  
  
Legs, Lily, Race and Kennyon: Wretched! *You people are so stupid*  
  
Kennyon: Narrator? You're back!  
  
*I forgot my water bottle, now if you'll excuse me. . . *  
  
Kennyon: No please don't go! We need you!  
  
*How do I know you're sincere?*  
  
Kennyon: I'm on my hands and knees aren't I? I'll even beg if you want me to.  
  
*Well. . . *  
  
Everyone: Please?  
  
*Okay, I'll narrate for you. But he has to be better. Don't repeat everything I say!*  
  
Race: I swear I won't!  
  
*Okay, well why are we standing around here. Lily, Timmy and Kennyon exit the stage happy that their narrator is back. Race gets back into the elephant cage and Legs looks on worriedly.*  
  
Legs: Oh Race be careful!  
  
*Race is trying to find a way to get the hat from the elephant. He then notices a bag of peanuts conveniently left out. He grabs the peanuts and begins to coax the elephant*  
  
Race: You want some peanuts, just put the hat down and AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!  
  
*The elephant is stampeding towards Race. He is running away he finally gets away and hides in a small cave. He watches the elephant that is now eating the peanuts. He sneaks out and grabs the hat before running back over the wall and to Legs.*  
  
Race: *out of breath* Here. . . I. . . got. . . your. . . hat!  
  
Legs: You did oh thank. . . wait that isn't my hat!  
  
Race: It's not!!  
  
Legs: No, mine is a really big blue one with a huge fluffy purple feather coming out of the side!  
  
Race: *pointing to the bench* Is that it?  
  
Legs: There's my hat! I guess I was sitting on it the whole time!  
  
*Race throws the other hat back into the elephant cage and Legs puts her hat back on. Race starts to walk away with his hands in his pockets but is stopped*  
  
Legs: Race, wait!  
  
*Legs runs after Race. He stops and turns to her. When she gets to him she grabs him and pulls him into a huge kiss. A man named Frederick walks past just as Legs pulls back from Race*  
  
Frederick: Hey man that kiss was three thumbs up!  
  
Race: Nobody has three. . .  
  
*Frederick holds up his hands with his. . . huh would you look at that. . . three thumbs*  
  
Race: Well that's a funky kick in the pants.  
  
*Legs and Race laugh before Legs begins to speak again.*  
  
Legs: Race you are my Hero! Thank you for doing that. It was ever so brave!  
  
Race: Well if that is the reward every time, I'm willing to get back into the elephant cage. . .  
  
Legs: I think you deserve the rewards without the effort.  
  
*Legs pulls Race back into a kiss and the light fades*  
  
* * * * * * *  
* THE END *  
* * * * * * *  
?  
?  
?  
?  
?  
?  
?  
  
Kennyon: Wait everybody don't leave! That was just the end of the film!  
  
*The audience looks back at Kennyon. Most of them had stood up thinking the show was over. Those dim witted little. . . *  
  
Kennyon: NARRATOR!  
  
*Sorry, got carried away. Kennyon looks back at the audience*  
  
Kennyon: I think now would be a good time for an intermission. Please come back in a few moments!  
  
*The light fades and a voice comes over the speaker*  
  
Loud Voice: *No it isn't the scary child prodigy gone pyromaniac, It's Gerald Ford!* We will have a 7 and thirty five second intermission before we resume our show. Bathrooms are under the signs marked "high voltage" and you can get a variety of snacks from the taco vender out side the studio. His name is Tito. Thank you we will resume in seven minutes, thirty five seconds.  
  
*Lights come up so the audience can see.*  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Wow that was my longest chapter yet! Legs I absolutely adore you! You let me use your name so freely. I think you're great! Come on everybody lets give Legs and hand! *Kennyon claps fiercely* Oh that's right everyone went to intermission. Any noodle. I love writing this. I want to let everyone know that this story will probably never end. It is just going to keep going as long as I get reviews. So send in stuff and anyone who loves Spot send in why you would be the better drama queen for him. The next chapter is when I'm going to do my Spotty girls. I posted a new chapter on Love, Lust and Money, so go read that if you're bored. Thanks everyone. Remember, Kennyon loves you! 


	7. During Intermission

*During Intermission*  
  
Kennyon: Don't worry the Spotty Drama Queen thing-a-ma-bob is coming. Just thought you might want to see this first! *winks at those who hadn't gone to buy tacos from Tito.*  
  
*Kennyon leaves the stage and Lily enters.*  
  
Lily: You know, I have always wanted to try horseback riding. So I think I will today.  
  
*Lily walks to the place where she is going to ride the horse and then pays for her ride. She mounts the horse and kicks at its sides.*  
  
Lily: Giddy up horsie!  
  
*Lily rides happily for a few moments before the horse picks up speed.*  
  
Lily: Uh oh! Maybe if I grab the mane I can stay on.  
  
*Lily grabs for the mane but she can't get a firm grip. She slips from the horse. But oh no! Her foot is caught in the stirrup!*  
  
Audience: *Gasps in horror*  
  
*Lily falls from the horse and her head hits the pavement over and over and over . . . *  
  
Crutchy: Lily!!! Oh no Lily!  
  
*Crutchy runs near to Lily, well as fast as a person on a crutch can run. He leans down and rips the cord of the electric horse out of the wall.*  
  
Crutchy: Oh Lily, are you okay?  
  
*He gets Lily's foot out of the stirrup and helps her stand. It's hard for him though. He is on a crutch.*  
  
Lily: Oh Crutchy! You're my hero!  
  
*Lily kisses Crutchy quickly. He smiles really really big. I mean that smile, is from ear to ear!*  
  
Crutchy: Well I'm just glad I could help ya Lily.  
  
Lily: You are the best! You are even better then that stupid Oswald guy!  
  
Oswald: Yeh!!!  
  
Lily: *Shouting at Oswald* He is, he doesn't talk backwards. I can understand him!  
  
Crutchy: You need to be careful on those horses.  
  
Lily: I know that now.  
  
Crutchy: I mean, that's how I got my crutch.  
  
Lily: NOOO!!  
  
Crutchy: Yep.  
  
Lily: Oh Crutchy!  
  
*Lily hugs and kisses Crutchy again. They are on the stage still when Kennyon comes out.*  
  
Kennyon: You guys intermission is almost over! You have to get back stage.  
  
*Lily and Crutchy start to leave the stage. Crutchy has his arm around Lily.*  
  
Kennyon: Hey Lily!  
  
Lily: *Stopping and turning* Yeah?  
  
Kennyon: I'm glad you found somebody!  
  
Lily: *after kissing Crutchy* Me too!  
  
*The three leave the stage and the voice comes back over the speakers*  
  
Loud Voice: Attention ladies and gentlemen. Intermission is now over. Please return to your seats. We would like to thank Tito for his services. Oh and will the person who spilt the gazpacho on the floor in the Lobby please come to security. You will be questioned.  
  
Timmy: *shouting* Dang it!  
  
Loud Voice: Please enjoy the second half of Kennyon's Comedy Hour! 


	8. Spot and The Moustached Stranger

*Music plays as the light dims. Kennyon enters the stage in a fun little outfit. Her pants are tie died and she is wearing an orange shirt. Oh how cute she looks.*  
  
Kennyon: Hey everyone!  
  
Everyone: Hi Kennyon. How ya been?  
  
Kennyon: Pretty good I mean I have been having a terrific day.  
  
Everyone: What's wrong with your mike?  
  
Kennyon: What do ya mean?  
  
*Kennyon listens to herself. Her mike sounds funny. It makes her voice go really high then really low, then high again, then low, then high, then low, then. . . well you get the picture.*  
  
Kennyon: Oh no! Someone is tampering with my mike. Who would do that?  
  
*Everyone and Kennyon look around. Timmy had heard what was going on and enters the stage.*  
  
Timmy: Hey Kennyon?  
  
Kennyon: *really high* What?  
  
Timmy: Have you checked the sound booth?  
  
Kennyon: *really low* Not *high again* yet.  
  
*Kennyon goes to the sound booth and looks inside. It's that man with the handle bar moustache again.*  
  
Audience: DUM DUM DUM!  
  
*The audience is getting smarter! Would you look at that? They know when to do the music now . . . *  
  
Kennyon: *really high* NARRATOR! *really low* leave the audience alone!  
  
*I'm rolling my eyes, see no one narrates for me. Now I am sticking my tongue out at Kennyon. Moving on.*  
  
Kennyon: *really high* What the heck are ya doing playing *really low* with my mike!  
  
Timmy: I'll get 'im for you!  
  
*Timmy runs towards the sound booth he jumps but hits the glass. He falls to the floor. The moustached stranger laughs*  
  
Moustached stranger: Mwah ha ha!  
  
*He grabs Kennyon and takes her to the middle of the stage. He holds on to her and laughs.*  
  
Moustached stranger: I will get you Kennyon. No matter what!  
  
*He holds on to her for a second before planting a kiss on her mouth.*  
  
Timmy: Hey you can't kiss her! Oh man am I dizzy from hitting that glass.  
  
*Timmy staggers around. Before falling about five feet from the pair. The moustached stranger is still kissing Kennyon who now has her arms wrapped around the stranger. The stranger finally pulls away. Laughs and runs out of the studio. He is going out the back. Kennyon is licking her lips and trying to keep her balance. Spot enters the stage from the right.*  
  
Spot: Hey Kennyon, you okay?  
  
Kennyon: That had to be the best kiss I ever got!  
  
Spot: Do you know who it was?  
  
Kennyon: A moustached stranger. He was cute and wow! That was amazing.  
  
Spot: He's the bad guy! He's trying to ruin you! I mean how do you know it wasn't the guy who stole the hot dogs from Wal*Mart and then got thrown into a Turkish Prison for biting Barney?  
  
Kennyon: Because. . . Armando was a sloppy kisser. That kiss was . . . well. Spot you know how some guys roll their 'r's'?  
  
Spot: Yeah. . .  
  
Kennyon: He did that in my mouth!  
  
Spot: Really, huh. Wait, stop. Keep this show PG. We have little kids in China watching.  
  
Kennyon: Oh, what ever. I forget what are we supposed to be doing today?  
  
Spot: We are supposed to find me a drama queen!  
  
Kennyon: Oh yeah. Sorry. Okay well I have come up with a way to do this.  
  
Spot: Really? How?  
  
Kennyon: Well the other day, when Timmy was talking about American Idol and him being Simon Cowel, I thought hey good idea!  
  
Spot: What?  
  
Kennyon: Welcome to. . . .  
  
*A sign drops behind Kennyon and she points to it*  
  
Kennyon: Spot Conlon's Pin-up!  
  
Spot: My Pin-up?  
  
Kennyon: Hey, it was a synonym for Idol so I used it. Can we meet the panel of celebrity judges?  
  
*The back curtains open to reveal a table on the audience's left and a Lily on the right. She is wearing a purple sparkly thing. It's made of duct tape?*  
  
Lily: That's right narrator. Dutchy's new goil made it. She is amazing with that stuff.  
  
Kennyon: I think we need to explain about her.  
  
Lily: *approaching Kennyon* Yeah we probably should.  
  
Kennyon: Hey Spot, could ya go get Spaz?  
  
*Spot nods and leaves the stage. Kennyon admires Lily's amazing duct tape dress. Spot returns with a cute girl about the age of 20 wearing a giant fuzzy top hat that is orange and yellow with a flame print on the top.*  
  
Spot: I brought out Spaz for you Kennyon.  
  
Kennyon: Oh good. HEY YOU! Get over here!  
  
*Spaz runs over to Kennyon and Lily. She jumps down next to Lily.*  
  
Spaz: The Spaz-a-rina at your service!  
  
Kennyon: You look cute taday.  
  
Spaz: Thank you.  
  
Lily: Hey Spaz, you're missin somethin.  
  
Spaz: *looking around* Oh well that's a funky kick in the pants. Where's Dutchy?  
  
Kennyon: I'll get him for you.  
  
Spaz: Oh thank you.  
  
*Spaz seems happy as she waits patiently expecting Kennyon to go back stage and get him. But that would be the long way and well, Kennyon likes things done fast.*  
  
Kennyon: *Screaming at the top of her lungs* DUTCHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Dutchy comes running out from backstage.*  
  
Dutchy: Kennyon, why'd you have to scream?  
  
Kennyon: Because, it's faster!  
  
Dutchy: Well now the entire bird collection of Swifty's is screaming out their lungs.  
  
*After saying this, a loud voice is heard from backstage*  
  
Swifty: Oh *MAJOR BEEP*!  
  
*Swifty comes from backstage covered in what appears to be bird guts.*  
  
Swifty: Kennyon! One of my bird's exploded from screeching so loud! You killed my prize winning parakeet!  
  
*Kennyon tries to reply but she is laughing too hard at Swifty to say very much.*  
  
Kennyon: You. . . .ha . . . look . . . him . . . so. . . .ha . . . funny!  
  
*The entire group of people are now laughing at the soiled Swifty.*  
  
Swifty: Oh yeah! Go ahead and laugh at the death of poor Feffernuse!  
  
*Swifty leaves the stage and after Kennyon regains her poise she moves on.*  
  
Kennyon: Where were we? Oh yes. Dutchy, Spaz, the audience wants to know about you two!  
  
Spaz: They do? I love telling the story of how we met . . . ooo. . . and our first date!  
  
Dutchy: *Putting his arm around Spaz* Yeah, those were some good times.  
  
Spaz: Well you see. . .  
  
*The place goes all foggy and fuzzy and such as we go into Flashback land!*  
  
Spaz: Well I was walking down a street, headed to my local blockbuster. I was in my pajamas and I looked absolutely adorable. See their yellow with rubber Dutchy's, I mean duckies on them.  
  
Dutchy: I was also going to Blockbuster and I was in my pajamas. They have Spaz, I mean Taz on them. So I was walking and I didn't see Spaz coming the other way.  
  
Spaz: Next thing we know we had run into each other and were sprawled on top of each other in one big heap.  
  
Dutchy. I helped her up. I finally got a good look at her. She was be- utiful.  
  
Spaz: He was cuter than anything I had ever seen. I walked with him. He offered to buy me dinner. He said it was the least he could do for making me rip the bottom of my jammie pants.  
  
Dutchy: So we went to Cachina Cachina and ate lots.  
  
Spaz: We were feeling really full so we decided to go frolic. You know to get rid of some of the calories.  
  
Dutchy: We went to the hill top daisy field and held hands.  
  
Spaz: The cuteness of him all, began to sing.  
  
Dutchy: We all live in a yellow submarine, in a pipe, in a hole, in the ground in the bottom of the sea!  
  
Spaz: We couldn't sing the real song because well he didn't know it all so he made up his own lyrics.  
  
Dutchy and Spaz together: We all live in a yellow submarine in a pipe, in a hole, in the ground in the bottom of the sea!  
  
Spaz: After we were done frolicking we went back to blockbuster and got newsies.  
  
Dutchy: She likes the part where I wave at Denton with the hot dog on the fork.  
  
Spaz: So we watched that on the big screen then went to play laser tag.  
  
Dutchy: She won.  
  
Spaz: Of course I won. You were terrible.  
  
Dutchy: Well after that we felt like frolicking again.  
  
Spaz: We went back to the daisies and he bought me cotton candy.  
  
Dutchy: Blueberry!  
  
Spaz: It was delicious. So that night we decided we were poifect for each other.  
  
Dutchy: We haven't been apart since.  
  
*The flashback ends*  
  
Kennyon: *sniffs* That is the most romantic thing I ever heard.  
  
Lily: *sniffles along with Kennyon* Yeah. You two are so lucky.  
  
Spaz: Well we have to go know. I'm late for an appointment with a bed specialist.  
  
Dutchy: And I'm late for a meeting with a client.  
  
*Dutchy and Spaz wink at each other and leave. Kennyon wipes her eyes and turns back to Spot.*  
  
Kennyon: That explains the duct tape dress.  
  
Spot: Okay, well we got that, but what about me? I still don't have a girl to make a short film with!  
  
Kennyon: Oh that's right. Lily, will you introduce our celebrity judges for Spot Conlon's Pin-up?  
  
Lily: Certainly. From Manhattan, New York we have Jack Kelly.  
  
*Jack comes on stage and waves before taking the first seat at the table*  
  
Lily: Next from Manhattan, New York we have Mush!  
  
*Mush waves to the audience and takes the second seat.*  
  
Lily: And last from Manhattan, New York we have Racetrack Higgins!  
  
*Race waves and takes the last seat.*  
  
Spot: Wait a minute. These aren't celebrities! They're just newsies and shouldn't there be a female judge?  
  
Kennyon: Medda was busy. And these guys are celebrities. They are loved by thousands.  
  
Race: Well I only care 'bout one of dem!  
  
Legs: *Coming on stage.* Oh Race, you're so sweet.  
  
*Legs goes over to Race kisses him and sits on his lap.*  
  
Race: Hey babe.  
  
Kennyon: You two are so cute!  
  
Legs: Thanks Kennyon.  
  
Kennyon: Anytime Legs!  
  
Spot: Okay, fine. How are you supposedly going to have people vote?  
  
Kennyon: Well everyone in the audience has one of these.  
  
*Kennyon holds up a clicker with buttons that say 1, 2, and 3 on them*  
  
Kennyon: At the end they will vote for the girl that is most dramatic.  
  
Spot: So what do the judges have to do with anything?  
  
Kennyon: Well when they critique them it's funny.  
  
Spot: Kennyon, I am more confused then a hungry baby in a topless bar.  
  
Kennyon: What kind of mother would put their baby in a topless bar?  
  
Spot: It's just an express. . .  
  
Kennyon: That's just wrong. Spot you should talk to that woman. She is a bad mommy. Putting your baby in a topless bar. Filth.  
  
Spot: What ever.  
  
Kennyon: Hey Lily, we're ready for the first girl!  
  
*Lily goes back stage and returns with a cute brunette girl.*  
  
Lily: This is Kendal, also known as Sweetness.  
  
Kennyon: Well judges take it away.  
  
*Jack and Mush are looking around at everyone suspiciously. Why, don't ask me. Legs is still on Race's lap and Kendal steps forward. Kennyon, Lily and Spot leave the stage.*  
  
Jack: Ok Kendal. Let's see what you got.  
  
Kendal: I have to do something?  
  
Mush: You are supposed to perform a dramatic skit. So that the audience can see how dramatic you are.  
  
Kendal: Ok, *mumbles under her breath* Kennyon never mentioned this.  
  
*Kendal thinks quick and starts to act.*  
  
Kendal: I'm dieing. . . I'm dieing. . .I'm dieing!  
  
*Kendal falls to the floor in a heap. She jumps up again quickly and looks at the judges.*  
  
Kendal: How'd I do?  
  
Jack: Race why don't you go first.  
  
Race: Kendal that was interesting. I mean it doesn't compare to my sweet Legs here, but it would make it on a soap opera.  
  
Jack: Mush you're next.  
  
Mush: Honey, you are cute as a button. But that had to be the worst death scene I ever saw. It wasn't dramatic in the least.  
  
Jack: I'm going to have to agree with Mush. You were absolutely dreadful.  
  
Kendal: What the heck do you guys know. The most drama you've ever done, besides Race, is a fake fight scene on top of a garbage can. I'm outta here.  
  
*Kendal exits and Lily reenters*  
  
Lily: Well audience that was girl number 1. Remember her. Okay, girl number two. We have Dreamer Conlon. She says she is no relation to Spot.  
  
Dreamer Conlon: Just call me Dreamer.  
  
*Ok.*  
  
Dreamer: I have prepared a quick little scene. I am going to cry as if Spot just died.  
  
*The judges nod and Dreamer falls to her knees in sobs*  
  
Dreamer: Oh, Spot. Why? You were so young! Why? Oh God why?  
  
*She finishes and pauses briefly before standing.*  
  
Jack: I want to go first. That was the most amazing thing I ever saw. You were terrific.  
  
Mush: Yeah kid. Ya know if you don't get picked, I need a dramatic girl.  
  
Race: Well, that was. . . really. . . um. . . .you weren't better than Legs.  
  
Dreamer: Okay. . .  
  
*Dreamer leaves and Lily brings out the last girl.*  
  
Lily: This is Shani.  
  
Shani: Hi judges. I am going to be singing Skater Boi by Avril Lavigne.  
  
*Shani gets ready to sing*  
  
Shani: *Well you all know Skater boi! It would take up too much room*  
  
*Shani keeps singing while the judges talk*  
  
Jack: What is she doing?  
  
Mush: Well apparently she's singing.  
  
Race: But we don't need a singer.  
  
Jack: Uh oh. . .  
  
Mush: What?  
  
Jack: Les heard the music.  
  
*The newsies look over at the front of the stage. We can see Les Jacobs, shaking his groove thing, ya ya.*  
  
Les: *Singing with Shani the last verse*  
I'm with the skater boy  
  
I'll be back stage after the show  
  
I'll be at the studio  
  
Singing the song we wrote  
  
About a girl you used to know  
  
*It's sad really. Imagine a monkey, having a seizure, while trying to do the Macarena. That's what Les is. Oh look Shani is done singing. Good Les will stop*  
  
Les: Oh is the music over? Darn!  
  
*Les leaves the stage with the audience watching him warily.*  
  
Shani: So what do you think?  
  
Jack: Um. . . You have a beautiful voice, but this was a competition on how dramatic you could be.  
  
Shani: Oh I know. I was being dramatic by giving you something you didn't expect.  
  
Mush: I think we've had enough said about this one then.  
  
*Shani leaves the stage. And Lily and Kennyon enter*  
  
Kennyon: They were all great.  
  
Lily: Yes they were.  
  
Kennyon: Now all of you with clickers out there Vote.  
  
*The audience does their little voting thing. Look Kennyon gave me a clicker! Let's see 1. . . no. . . 2. . . maybe. . . um I don't know. Wow this is hard! Hey stop looking at who I'm going to vote for!*  
  
Kennyon: Is everyone done?  
  
*One minute*  
  
Kennyon: Hurry up Narrator. We can't move on with out you!  
  
*Ok I'm done.*  
  
Kennyon: Now is everyone done?  
  
*The audience nods their heads and the results are handed to Kennyon.*  
  
Kennyon: And now the moment Spot's been waiting for.  
  
*Spot enters and looks pleadingly at Kennyon. He waits patiently for her to. . . *  
  
Spot: I'm not patient read it. Oh I'll just do it myself.  
  
*Spot grabs the results form Kennyon and rips it open.*  
  
Spot: Dreamer!  
  
Dreamer: *running on stage* I won!  
  
Spot: Yes!  
  
*Spot runs over to Dreamer and picks her up. He twirls her around and then. . . how cute a smooch!*  
  
Moustached Stranger: You call that a kiss?  
  
*The moustached stranger appeared out of nowhere.*  
  
Moustached Stranger: This is a kiss!  
  
*He flies. . . he can fly?...Okay he flies over to Kennyon and kisses her. Now there are two kissing couples on the stage. Spot and Dreamer finish a long time before the moustached stranger and Kennyon. Finally the moustached stranger and Kennyon pull apart, much to Kennyon's dismay.*  
  
Moustached Stranger: Mwah ha ha! That's a kiss!  
  
*The moustached stranger flies away and Kennyon is standing dreamy eyed on the stage.*  
  
Kennyon: Darn, why does he keep doing that?  
  
*Legs, Dreamer, Lily, Spaz and Kennyon all go and sit at the front of the stage.*  
  
Legs: We feel you're pain Kennyon.  
  
Dreamer: Yeah, I mean we all know who are men are, but you are in the dark.  
  
Kennyon: Why does he always kiss me then fly away!  
  
Lily: I don't know.  
  
*The girls all put their hands on their chins and think deep.*  
  
Spaz: If only we could solve this mystery!  
  
Jack: Did someone say mystery?  
  
Mush: We can help!  
  
*Mush and Jack run forward and stand behind the girls. Spaz stares u p at them.*  
  
Spaz: How can you two help?  
  
Legs: Yeah, I'se never seen ya do anything remotely close ta solvin a mystery!  
  
Lily: They never have.  
  
Mush: Yes we have. You just never saw us do it!  
  
Dreamer: What da ya mean?  
  
Jack: Me and Agent Mush here are Secret Agents.  
  
*Mush and Jack put their hands on their waists, stand back to back wink at the audience and flash perfect smiles. A corny tune sung by cheesy girls plays*  
  
Cheesy girls: They're faster than a speeding bullet!  
They're cuter too.  
  
Kennyon: Stop! I don't want to hear any more of that crap. Those girls sound terrible.  
  
Britney Spears: Hey! Don't make fun of me!  
  
Kennyon: Britney Spears was singing that? Well I take that back. It wasn't terrible, it was the absolute biggest pile of crap I have ever heard.  
  
Jack: So do you want our help or not?  
  
Kennyon: Can you figure out who the moustached stranger is?  
  
Mush: Of course we can.  
  
Kennyon: Really?  
  
Jack: Of course! It should be really simple, we just have to examine the clues, search for evidence and then we will have it solved.  
  
Kennyon: So how long will it take to solve?  
  
Mush: A matter of minutes.  
  
Kennyon: Can you start now?  
  
Jack: Right after a coffee break.  
  
Mush: Yeah we're too tired from judging that contest.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I beat my one record! That chapter is over 13 pages long! Wow. So what did you think? Thanks to Spaz for her great ideas. You are so cute! I will use some of your other ideas later. I love them. And another great big hug for Legs (all the newsies hug Legs) She put a shout out for me in her story! How very sweet of her.  
  
Okay, the moustached stranger, who is he? You see I don't even know! He isn't Spot, so you can feel safe Dreamer. And don't worry Legs, it isn't Race. But I don't know who it is! So all of my readers. Give me suggestions. Which newsie should the moustached stranger really be? Let me know. I can't type my next chapter without knowing. Well I guess I could pick, but where would the fun be in that?  
  
So pick me, cute lovable Kennyon, a newsie. It can't be Race, Crutchy, Kid Blink, Spot, Dutchy, or Bumlets. Every other newsie it can be. Let me know!  
  
Hey Legs! I would love to write a story with you. Just let me know your email, mine is in my bio, and we can think of all kinds of twisted plots and other fun stuff, mwah ha ha!  
  
And Cute Spaz, everyone at the Kennyon Comedy Hour LOVES you. Send me more plots if you want. I think your hilarious.  
  
Well thanks everybody. Remember I can't write the next chapter without suggestions on which newsie the moustached stranger is. So hugs and kisses from everyone at the Kennyon Comedy Hour! We love y'all!  
  
P.S. To Shani and Sweetness. Sorry you didn't get picked. I put all the names in a bag and picked one. Dreamer got the luck of the draw! If you still want to be in it more, tell me so I can add you. I think both of you are awesome for reviewing! Thanks again! 


	9. During the Coffee Break

*During the Coffee Break*  
  
Timmy: *In a musical tone* Coffee Break, coffee break, everyone watch me shake!  
  
*Timmy begins to shake in a way that is highly grotesque to the. . . .heya Kennyon?*  
  
Kennyon: Yeah, Narrator?  
  
*What the heck is that thing?*  
  
Kennyon: What thing?  
  
*Kennyon looks around and finds what the narrator is pointing at.*  
  
Kennyon: Oh that. It's a green garden gnome. Spaz, oh how we love our Spaz, and a couple of her friends, have come up with an "organization" against me.  
  
*What friends? Oh may I say that Timmy is still trying to shake his groove thing.*  
  
Kennyon: Shhhh. . . Don't make fun of Timmy. You see Spaz, Delphie and PhoenixTBN, A.K.A Katie. Have created *breathes deeply* The Society of Prevention Of Cruelty to Timmy. In short S.P.O.C.T. They have hired those things, *points at the things* to be the cruel little henchmen. If they find anyone making fun of Timmy then they. . . ..Oh crap.  
  
*What is it?*  
  
Kennyon: See this?  
  
*It's a button.*  
  
Kennyon: Well read it.  
  
*I Love Timmy!*  
  
Green Garden Gnome: You have been S.P.O.C.T! Mwah ha ha ha!  
  
*Wow.*  
  
Spot: Did someone say my name?  
  
Kennyon: No, the green garden gnomes said "SPOCT". Not Spot.  
  
Spot: What the freak is. . . .Hey!  
  
Dreamer: *Entering from backstage.* What's wrong honey?  
  
Spot: I DO NOT LOVE TIMMY YOU STUPID GARDEN GNOME!  
  
Green Garden Gnome: You have been SPOCT!  
  
Dreamer: Here I will get it off for you!  
  
Kennyon: No wait! Stop! Don't touch. . . ..them.  
  
*Dreamer tried to remove the button but when she did something happened.*  
  
Dreamer: What happened?  
  
Kennyon: Look at your skin.  
  
Dreamer: Wha...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  
  
*Dreamer runs off the stage screaming. Her skin had turned the most awful color of yellow and the words "I Love Timmy" covered her. Guess no one is going to try and remove those buttons again. But Kennyon how come you aren't yellow?*  
  
Kennyon: Sigh. . . the only way to get the yellow to go away is to kiss Timmy. Yuck! I am going to get Spaz for this.  
  
*A green garden gnome runs up to Kennyon*  
  
Kennyon: Not another one! I have like fifty of these things now.  
  
GGG: You have been SPOCT!  
  
Kennyon: Yeah yeah yeah. Dang those things. Anyway, today we are going to do something. . . .  
  
*Wait. . . is the coffee break over?*  
  
Kennyon: Well neither Jack or Mush is back yet. Lily said that they went. . . .  
  
*Lily runs on stage*  
  
Lily: They went to buy some more Twinkies.  
  
*Lily approaches the camera and winks at Spaz*  
  
Kennyon: Okay so the coffee break is over. *yelling* BACK TO YOUR PLACES EVERYONE!  
  
*Everyone runs around the stage trying to get back into position. Legs runs through in a bathrobe with Elmo on it. Race is following her laughing*  
  
Race: Come on, Tickle Me, Elmo!  
  
Legs: He he he!  
  
*Lily helps Crutchy into his costume for the next act. It's big blue over alls and a large yellow hat.*  
  
Crutchy: This isn't a costume. I wear this outfit all the time. Does it look like a costume to you Lily?  
  
Lily: You look Spiffy babe.  
  
*Look someone we haven't seen for a while. . . It's Agua and Blink.*  
  
Kid Blink: That was one of the best memories I ever made!  
  
*They are running around wrapped in tarps! Hey guys those are my tarps!*  
  
Agua: They're on to us! Run Blink.  
  
Blink: I'm tryin, I'm tryin!  
  
*I'm gunna get you two! Hey Spot?*  
  
Spot: Yeah?  
  
*How's poor Dreamer?*  
  
Spot: She's looking for Timmy. She is going to kiss him then punch him. She'll probably get like four more buttons for it but she says it will be worth it. I already have six of 'em. When I get my hands on Katie and Delphie. . . .ooooo their going to pay.  
  
*from a corner*  
  
Katie: No we're not!  
  
Delphie: This is so funny!  
  
Katie: I know. Hey wait a minute? Delphie did you put this button on your back?  
  
Delpie: Nu uh. Oh no, you don't think that the green garden gnomes would come after us do you?  
  
Katie: No it isn't a Timmy button. . . It's a button with glasses on it.  
  
Delphie: Look up there!  
  
*Up in the rafters is the moustached stranger.*  
  
Moustached Stranger: Mwah ha ha! I put it there you worm!  
  
*When Kennyon hears his voice she runs onto the stage below him.*  
  
Moustached Stranger: Kennyon, it is but a clue to my identity! *Twists his moustache* If your stupid so-called secret agents get their buts in gear then you might figure it out! Mwah ha ha!  
  
*The moustached stranger disappears from the scene and Kennyon sighs*  
  
Kennyon: *sigh* He didn't even kiss me goodbye that time!  
  
Katie: Here Kennyon, this is the button he left.  
  
Kennyon: Glasses, hmmm? I wonder what it could mean. Oh well. We don't have time to figure it out now. We have something important to do.  
  
Delpie: We do?  
  
Kennyon: Yup and it involves Katie.  
  
Katie: Oh yeah! Is it ready yet?  
  
Kennyon: Almost. We just need the newsies to come set it up.  
  
*Spaz enters the scene accompied by Sureshot Higgins*  
  
Sureshot: Are you ready to eat toast Katie? Hey what's this?  
  
GGG: You have been SPOCT!  
  
Sureshot: OOOOO, I heard about this!  
  
Kennyon: You wanted to be SPOCT?  
  
Sureshot: Well it beats not knowing who your moustached stranger is.  
  
Kennyon: *thinks for a moment* No, it doesn't. I'm gunna get Timmy for this.  
  
Sureshot: Why? It was them that put the Garden Gnomes up to this?  
  
*Sureshot points to Spaz, Katie, and Delpie.*  
  
Kennyon: But I like those guys. Timmy is just well. . . Timmy.  
  
GGG: You have been SPOCT!  
  
Kennyon: That's it! I now have *counts buttons* 89 buttons! They are overlapping each other and my shirt is getting heavy. TIMMY!!  
  
*Timmy comes out.*  
  
Timmy: Yeah Kennyon?  
  
Kennyon: Look at me!  
  
Timmy: You have a lot of buttons.  
  
Kennyon: And do you know what the buttons say?  
  
Timmy: Yes. They say "I LOVE TIMMY"!  
  
*Timmy begins to dance around.*  
  
Timmy: I love Timmy! I love Timmy! You're covered in buttons that say I love Timmy!  
  
Delphie: Oh, he's so cute!  
  
Kennyon: No he's not! Timmy stop, stop. Good. Now I need to get some of these off. So hold still.  
  
Timmy: Oh, boy! Do I get more kisses?  
  
Kennyon: Unfortunately. . . yes you do.  
  
*Kennyon begins to pull off the buttons one by one while kissing Timmy each time. She just kisses him on the cheek because there is no preference to where you have to kiss him.*  
  
Kennyon: 18. . . .  
  
*Huh, this might take a while.*  
  
Kennyon: 25. . .  
  
*Oh, but this chapter has been shorter than her previous ones*  
  
Kennyon: 31. . .  
  
*She has to go all the way up to 89!*  
  
Kennyon: 38. . .  
  
*Oh well, please stay tuned for more exciting Kennyon's Comedy Hour after these messages from our sponsors!*  
  
Kennyon: 47. . . 


	10. Fireworks Safety

*The man with gray hair, wearing close that are horrendously out of date walks on screen. He is in a neighborhood and it's dark out side. He begins to speak*  
  
Loud Voice: Yes it is the washed up child star gone pyromaniac. But I am here to tell you that fire is no laughing matter.  
  
*We hear the newsies laugh in the background.*  
  
Loud Voice: I mean it guys. Let's take a few examples.  
  
*The loud voice guy walks over to a place where we have Pie Eater, and Boots sitting on the sidewalk. They are surrounded by a truck load of fireworks*  
  
Loud Voice: Now, it's the summer season so we expect to see many fireworks shows. If you do your own at home then there are a few rules you need to follow. Now I have asked these two here to demonstrate.  
  
*Pie Eater and Boots stand up and Pie Eater picks up a Roman Candle.*  
  
Loud Voice: This is the proper way to use one.  
  
*Pie Eater puts it on the ground, facing away from everything and Boots lights it. They back away, at least ten feet, and watch it go off.*  
  
Loud Voice: That is precisely how you do it. Next. . .  
  
*They go through a bunch of fireworks and Pie Eater and Boots get even more bored. The Loud Voice is getting twitchy. He wants to PLAY with the fire so bad*  
  
Loud Voice: Next *twitch* we *twitch* have. . . .  
  
Pie Eater: I can't take it anymore! I am so bored! Roman Candles are meant to be held and pointed into the sky.  
  
Boots: Yeah, and someone has to get their eyebrows burned off.  
  
Pie Eater: It just ain't summer, unless someone gets their eyebrows burned off.  
  
Loud Voice: But you guys we have to be safe!  
  
Boots: Well if this is safe. . . then I want to be dangerous and live on the edge!  
  
*Boots runs towards the pile and begins searching frantically.*  
  
Boots: Found it! Hey Pie Eater, I found the "Ka-boom 3000"!  
  
*Boots walks out stumbling under the weight of a really big firework.*  
  
Pie Eater: Sweet!  
  
Loud Voice. Darn it! If you guys get to play with the fireworks then I want to play.  
  
*Boots is about to light the fuse when the Loud Voice comes over pushes Boots out of the way. Boots stands and walks over to Pie Eater. They stood watching as the loud voice, ya know what. Let's give him a name.*  
  
Boots: Call him Mike!  
  
*Ok, they watched as Mike danced crazily around the fire work. He ran back a few times and started to pile more and more fireworks on top of each other. When he ran out of fireworks he got his box of matches. He lit one and put the flame next to the fireworks. The fuse lit and he jumped around merrily until. . . *  
  
BOOM  
  
Pie Eater: Wow!  
  
Boots: Pretty!  
  
Pie Eater and Boots: OOOOOO. . . .Awe!  
  
*As the firework show subsided, Pie Eater looked around*  
  
Pie Eater: Heya Boots?  
  
Boots: yeah?  
  
Pie Eater: Where'd Mike go?  
  
*The two looked around. But they couldn't find him. Pie Eater solemnly approached the camera.*  
  
Pie Eater: That is just an example of what not to do this summer as you use fireworks.  
  
Boots: So please practice firework safety this year.  
  
Pie Eater: A message from the firework association of America.  
  
*Pie Eater and Boots look around a minute*  
  
Boots: Hey look! He forgot some Roman Candles!  
  
Pie Eater: Oh thank the smoky hummingbird from Mozambique!  
  
Boots: Smoky hummingbird from Mozambique?  
  
Pie Eater: Yeah his name is Lou.  
  
Boots: Man you have to be the dumbest person I have ever. . . .  
  
*Commercial end* 


	11. Back to the Show

*Back to the show*  
  
Kennyon: 69. . . .  
  
*Ok maybe not. Well one more commercial wouldn't hurt. Right?*  
  
Kennyon: 72. . . . 


	12. Spot Remover

*Flashing blue lights circle a stage and we see the blue curtains open. Kid Blink, also known as Blinkieboy from his products, comes out wearing a turquoise suit with matching eye patch. He has one of those long skinny microphones, like the one the guy uses on the price is right. His hair is slicked back really tight*  
  
Kid Blink: Not so tight next time Ashley.  
  
*He looks forward at the audience and four ladies with painted on smiles, in matching turquoise dresses, come behind Blink*  
  
Blink: Today I have the offer of a life time! This is a white carpet.  
  
*The four ladies walk up behind him holding a piece of white carpet.*  
  
Blink: Which you ladies know is agony to clean. Am I right? Yeah. Well what if it got, oh lets say a Spot on it?  
  
*The ladies put the carpet down and a couple more bring out a tied up Spot Conlon and put him on the carpet.*  
  
Spot: Mmmmhhh, mmmmmm, hmmmm!  
  
*Sorry no one can understand Spot. You're gagged. Ha ha ha! Hey. . . No! Stupid Green Garden Gnomes!*  
  
GGG: You've been SPOCT!  
  
*Stupid, how'd they get in this commercial. . . uh huh. Katie and Delphie let them in. I should have known.*  
  
Spot: *wriggling* Hmmmm, hummmm!  
  
*Blink approaches Spot.*  
  
Blink: Just look at this uncivilized mess! This would probably really hard to get out of your house. Especially if you have a porcelain tub with boiling water. Huh, am I right? Yeah.  
  
Spot: Mmmmmmhhhhhh!  
  
*Shut up Spot. Hey they can't pin a button on Spot while he's tied up!*  
  
GGG: You've been SPOCT!  
  
*Those things are really a nouiscence. And I have just been told that they are disobeying orders by giving out multiple buttons. Hey, oh crapollas, not another one. You guys are deliberately taking advantage of people in a hurry, didja know that?*  
  
Blink: Well you can get rid of ugly Spot's like this in only three minutes with this.  
  
*A neon sign drops behind Blink. It is flashing and it says. . . .  
  
BLINKIE BOYS' SPOT REMOVER  
  
Blink: In three minutes flat, those ugly, disgusting, revolting, repulsive, nauseating. . .  
  
Spot: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMM!  
  
Blink: Sorry Spot, gotta sell the product. You can get rid of Spot's in three minutes flat. Observe.  
  
*Blink splashes Spot with some of the stuff. He makes sure to get him covered in the stuff. Oh, and it looks like it burns.*  
  
Spot: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!  
  
*Blink is looking at his watch and after approximately three minutes, he grabs Spot by the suspenders and tosses him off the stage.*  
  
Spot: *in air* MMMMMMM!  
  
Blink: See just like that Spot's disappear. They won't ruin you're carpets ever again. You can also buy the bathroom formula, and the kitchen formula. You can also get the maximum strength Blinkie Boys' Spot Remover. For those pesky Spot's that just won't. . . .  
  
Spot: I'm gunna get you Blink!  
  
*Spot had climbed back on to the stage and his poor cute little face is red. He is now chasing Blink around the stage.*  
  
Blink: Mommy!  
  
*Oh, now there are like four Green Garden Gnomes chasing both of them. Oh we are going to have to do something about those things.*  
  
Spot: You're Dead Blinkie Boy!  
  
Blink: Save me!  
  
Lady in Turquoise dress: Blinkie Boy's Spot Remover is available at your local Wal*Mart or where every quality Blinkie Boy's products are sold. *She smiles as she holds a bottle of the cleaning stuff.* Are they gone? Have they all flipped the channel waiting for the show to come back on? Yeah? Yeah. Oh thank heavens. My cheeks were really starting to hurt. Blink doesn't pay over time for the smiling. He doesn't even care about the cheek aches I have after doing these things. Oh well if Spot kills him. . . .  
  
*May I remind you that we could not kill of Spot Conlon. He's the life blood of Dreamer Conlon and we would have some very unhappy people if we committed a murder. Along with that, Kennyon hasn't told all the jokes she wants to about Spot yet. Or Dutchy. Or Skittery, or Specs, with a wink to Spaz. Or Jack, or Mush or. . . .Well I hope you get the idea.*  
  
Lady in Turquoise dress: if he kills Spot then I won't have to do this anymore. So can I have a break? A little break? Yeah, yeah. A break.  
  
*Commercial ends*  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Hey everybody! It's me Kennyon. No not the Kennyon in the story, well that's me but its me the author Kennyon, oh man this is confusing. Let's just say its Kennyon!  
  
Sorry the last couple of chapters has been short. I just don't feel like typing. But don't worry. I have so many ideas that they are just tripping over each other in my head. It's like nothing else! Owe! See one just fell over.  
  
I still have a lot of jokes I want to tell, and a lot of stories to do. So just be patient with me. You probably won't get another chapter like chapter 9 for a while, but don't worry, as soon as my hands get a good rest. . . .*hands panting* then I will go ZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM! And chapters will fly out. Please, please, give me suggestions about the moustched stranger. No that isn't the next chapter, but its coming really soon and I need to know what you think. Oh, and if you are one of those people that doesn't like to review . . . just remember I have the power to make the green garden gnomes go to your house and SPOCT you to high Mt. Kilimanjaro! So beware. REVIEW. Also Spaz will attack you with Duct tape. *Hugs Spaz* Be afraid, be kind of afraid!  
  
One last thing, if I have offended anyone, please tell me how I have. I don't mean anything inappropriate for a PG movie that I have said. If you were offended by the "bed inspection" I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you! I promise. I will make you all special hats out of . . . um. . . .Macaroni! Sorry, I love my reviewers  
  
Those of you who don't review remember the Green Garden Gnomes! (No I don't like Timmy,) Oh dang, stupid garden gnomes.  
  
GGG: You've been SPOCT!  
  
*shakes heads* Talk to you all soon!  
  
~Kennyon, (the one still completely clueless about Moustached Stranger.) 


	13. Spazzersize It!

*Well we are back to the show. Hopefully Kennyon is finishing up so that we can move on.*  
  
Kennyon: 89! Finally I'm finished!  
  
*Kennyon you have to do something about those green garden gnomes.*  
  
Kennyon: Yeah I know. But I have no idea how to get rid of them. Neither Katie nor Delphie will tell me how. And most recently they are running around in authentic Argentinean garb. They say that our show should be more culturally diverse. Yeah right!  
  
GGG: You've been SPOCT!!  
  
Kennyon: And I just got rid of 89 of those things. Oh well. I'll try to be more aware when those things are around.  
  
*So now what are we going to do?*  
  
Kennyon: Actually I have something special for you.  
  
*Sureshot, Dreamer, Agua, and Legs enter the stage*  
  
Sureshot: You do?  
  
Legs: What do you have?  
  
Kennyon: Well while I was walking around backstage the other day, I discovered this.  
  
*Kennyon holds up a video camera*  
  
Kennyon: I'm guessing that its Lily's. She has this paranoia that someone is stealing the curtains. So she tapes it. But I was thankful to find this one because I know that a few people have been offended by something. I myself was curious by what Spaz and Dutchy meant by "Bed inspection". But in here is a tape of what happened that day. So we can see what Spaz and Dutchy were really doing.  
  
*Dreamer grabs a TV and pulls it on stage. Kennyon puts the video in and pushes play*  
  
TAPE BEGINS  
  
Spaz: Well we have to go know. I'm late for an appointment with a bed specialist.  
  
Dutchy: And I'm late for a meeting with a client.  
  
*Dutchy and Spaz wink at each other and leave. Kennyon wipes her eyes and turns back to Spot. Dutchy and Spaz are walking backstage towards the room Spaz is staying in.*  
  
Spaz: Yeah, its back here.  
  
*Dutchy and Spaz enter the room and Dutchy approaches the bed and rips all the covers and sheets off of it. He feels the firmness of the mattress and Spaz begins to speak.*  
  
Spaz: So as I have been sleeping I always wake up with this searing pain in my back.  
  
Dutchy: That's because your mattress is too firm in this one spot.  
  
Spaz: What can I do about it?  
  
Dutchy: Well I would flip the mattress over. I can do that for you right now if you want.  
  
Spaz: That would be great. It hurts really bad.  
  
Dutchy: Sure.  
  
*Dutchy flips the mattress over and then remakes the bed.*  
  
Spaz: You didn't have to remake it.  
  
Dutchy: It was no problem. Here lay on it. Tell me if it feels better.  
  
Spaz: Ok.  
  
*Spaz lies on the bed.*  
  
Spaz: Yeah it feels a lot better.  
  
*She gets off the bed and hugs Dutchy.*  
  
Spaz: You are the coolest bed specialist I know!  
  
Dutchy: Yeah I know. Hey you wanna go finish watching the show.  
  
Spaz. Uh huh! We can see if we can see the moustched stranger again. Maybe we can help Kennyon solve the mystery.  
  
Dutchy: I hope so! I'm getting kind of anxious. I really want to know who it is.  
  
Spaz: So do I!  
  
*The two leave the backstage room. Dutchy is sure to turn out the light and shut the door. They head back to watch the show. Even though Mush and Jack called for a coffee break.*  
  
TAPE ENDS  
  
Kennyon: Hey I didn't know Dutchy was a bed specialist!  
  
Dreamer: Neither did I. I want him to look at my bed!  
  
Sureshot: Me too!  
  
Agua: So do I! It isn't fair if he doesn't.  
  
Kennyon: DUTCHY!  
  
*Dutchy comes running out.*  
  
Dutchy: Dang it! Kennyon you killed another one of Swifty's birds. Oh wait, a green garden gnome tried to pin one of those buttons on it. Never mind.  
  
Kennyon: Those things are out of hand. Hey Dutchy?  
  
Dutchy: Yeah?  
  
Kennyon: I want you to inspect every bed in this studio. If you do one, you have to do them all.  
  
Dutchy: What?!  
  
Kennyon: That's the way it goes.  
  
Dutchy: But how do you know that I am a bed specialist?  
  
Kennyon: For one thing you said it right on stage! Oh, and we found one of Lily's hidden cameras that had filmed you checking Spaz's bed.  
  
Dutchy: Gosh darn it! LILY!  
  
*Lily comes skipping out. By now she is covered in "I love Timmy" buttons*  
  
Lily: Yeah?  
  
Dutchy: You planted a hidden camera backstage? How many more of those do you have?  
  
Lily: *Looking from person to person suspiciously.* Oh . . . um . . . just the one. I'm going to . . . um . . . check something in the lunch room. Gotta go!  
  
*Lily grabs the camera and runs off. *  
  
Kennyon: Go get to work Dutchy. I want a full report on every bed in this place!  
  
Dutchy: Even Timmy's?  
  
Kennyon: You're going to get a button for that.  
  
GGG: You've been SPOCT!  
  
Dutchy: Darn it.  
  
Kennyon: Yes even Timmy's. Go now!  
  
Dutchy: Ok, fine. I'm going!  
  
*Dutchy leaves the stage to go do check on the beds. Oh don't forget mine Dutchy!*  
  
Dutchy: I won't!  
  
*As Dutchy leaves something is dragged onto the stage by Kid Blink and Spot. Spot's still red from BLINKIE BOY'S SPOT REMOVER. I bought four bottles of the stuff.*  
  
Kennyon: Hey what do you guys think you're doing?  
  
Spot: We have a special musical number to perform.  
  
Blink: See, we were thinking about what me and Spot DON'T do and something happened.  
  
Spot; I stood up and I go "I just had an apostrophe!"  
  
Blink: Then I said, "I think you mean epiphany."  
  
Spot: Then I said, "yeah that too."  
  
Blink: Then I go, "What did you have an apostrophe about?"  
  
Spot: Then I said, "We should write a song!  
  
Blink: I said "Okay"  
  
Spot: and we did! Now we want to perform it.  
  
Kennyon: You want to perform it?  
  
Blink: Yup-a-doodles!  
  
Kennyon: Okay, but. . .  
  
Moustached stranger. Mwah ha ha!  
  
Kennyon: He's back!  
  
Moustached Stranger: *Jumping on the stage* Of course my striking Kennyon!  
  
Kennyon: Oh tell me who you are!  
  
Moustached Stranger: No you have to figure that out on your own. I am here because I want to perform with Blink and Spot.  
  
Blink and Spot: What!  
  
Blink: But you don't know the song!  
  
Moustached Stranger: On the contrary. I overheard you making it and I want to be in it. *Drawing plastic sword* and I think you'll let me.  
  
Spot: O . . . okay.  
  
Kennyon: Fine! Sing you're stupid song. I'll be backstage; making sure Dutchy's inspecting all the beds.  
  
*Kennyon leaves and the three begin to set up stuff. When they are done they all fall down into the lazy boys on the stage. Music comes from out of nowhere. And so it begins.*  
  
All: We are the newsies we don't sell anything  
  
we just stay at home, and lie around  
  
and if you ask us, to sell anything  
  
we'll just tell you, we don't sell anything  
  
Moustached Stranger: Well I've never sold in Greenland  
  
and I've never sold in Denver  
  
and I've never sold in St. Louie or St. Paul And I've never sold in Moscow  
  
and I've never sold in Tampa  
  
and I've never sold in Boston in the fall  
  
All: We are the newsies we don't sell anything  
  
we just stay at home, and lie around  
  
and if you ask us, to sell anything  
  
we'll just tell you, we don't sell anything  
  
Spot:  
  
and I've never sold at a garage sale  
  
and I've never sold appliances And I've never sold some candy bars, cause I've never sold at all  
  
and I've never sold a gang plank  
  
and I've never sold a parrot.  
  
And I've never sold in Boston in the fall  
  
All: We are the newsies we don't sell anything  
  
we just stay at home, and lie around  
  
and if you ask us, to sell anything  
  
we'll just tell you, we don't sell anything  
  
Blink:  
  
I've never plucked a rooster  
  
and I am not too good at ping-pong  
  
and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall  
  
and I've never kissed a chipmunk,  
  
and I've never gotten head lice  
  
and I have never sold in Boston in the fall  
  
Moustached Stranger: Huh? What are you talking about? What do mashed potatoes and roosters have to do with newsies selling stuff?  
  
Spot: Hey, dat's right! We're supposed to be singing about newsie stuff!  
  
Blink: Oh.  
  
Mousthached stranger: And who's ever kissed a chipmunk. That's just nonsense. *Turning to Spot* Am I right? What do you think?  
  
Spot: I tink you look like Captain Crunch!  
  
Moustached Stranger: What! I do not.  
  
Spot: Do too.  
  
Moustached Stranger: Do not!  
  
Spot: You're making me hungry!  
  
Moustached Stranger: That's it you're getting soaked!  
  
Spot: Oh yeah! Says who?  
  
Moustached Stranger: Says Me! The captain.  
  
Spot: Aye Aye, Captain crunch! Ha ha ha ha!  
  
Blink: and I've never licked a spark-plug  
  
and I've never sniffed a stink bug  
  
and I've never painted Daisies on a big red rubber ball  
  
and I've never bathed in yogurt  
  
and I don't look good in leggings  
  
Moustached Stranger: You just don't get it!  
  
All: And I've never sold in Boston in the fall  
  
*The song ends and we see every newsie run forward dressed in multi colors. It goes Swifty, Snitch, Pie Eater, Bumlets, Dutchy, Skittery, Boots, (in cute purple), Crutchy, Race. Spot, Blink and The moustached Stranger join them.*  
  
Newsies: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..*and so on*  
  
Lily: This is a test of the emergency Callipygian system.  
  
*Callipygian: Having a well-shaped buttocks.*  
  
Lily: This is only a test. Was this not a test, a voice would have told you so. This is only a test.  
  
*The beeping continues for a few minutes. Finally the newsies stop beeping and collapse on the ground.*  
  
Snitch: That was hard!  
  
Swifty: No kidding! I'm not made for this.  
  
Race: Why couldn't Lily have the girls do it?  
  
Dutchy: I dunno, at least I got to stop checking beds.  
  
*Spaz enters from back stage. She is wearing an orange leotard with purple tights, blue leg warmers, wristbands and white tennis shoes. She has a yellow head band that says Spazzersize on it.*  
  
Spaz: You wimps! That drill took a whole five minutes. What if it truly had been a callipygian emergency? Then someone out there would be in danger of a poorly-shaped buttocks! Every one get up! You guys are getting lazy! Up up up!  
  
*The moustached stranger tries to escape but Spaz grabs his collar.*  
  
Spaz: I may not know who you are, but you are probably really lazy too. You have to stay here.  
  
The moustached Stranger: You can't make me!  
  
Spaz: Yes I can! Now Newsies line up. You, stranger, get in line.  
  
*Kennyon enters from backstage She's dressed like Spaz, only her outfit is a purple leotard, blue tights, and orange bands.*  
  
Kennyon: Oh good! You're starting. I need to say something first.  
  
Spaz: Go ahead. Hey Bumlets, I'm watching you!  
  
Kennyon: You guys have been eating too many Twinkies. I am finding wrappers everywhere backstage. Half eaten Twinkies are lying around and it's getting sticky back there. Fortunately the Green Garden Gnomes are eating the leftovers and well they are getting kind of chubby if you ask me. Oh no.  
  
GGG: You've been SPOCT!  
  
Kennyon: Not again. Oh well. You ready Spaz?  
  
Spaz: I'm always ready. Ok, Kennyon get the music!  
  
*Kennyon runs over to a stereo and pushes a play button and the theme from Titanic plays.*  
  
Kennyon: Oh sorry. Wrong CD. One sec.  
  
*Kennyon changes the CD and '80's dance music begins to play.*  
  
Spaz: Ok, here we go. And a 1. . . 2 . . . . 3 . . . . 4 . . . . 1. . . .  
  
*Spaz counts as she and Kennyon jump back and forth. The newsies try and copy. A few are confused as Spaz and Kennyon begin to speed up. They keep moving there arms about. They clap and bunch.*  
  
Kennyon: I love Spazzersize.  
  
Spaz: Me too! It's a combination of Tai-bo, aerobics, yoga, and gymnastics all rolled together really fast.  
  
Race: Dang this is hard. Ok, stay focused. Left foot, right foot, jump, jump, jump, twirl, run in place, jump, jump, jump!  
  
Legs: Go baby go!  
  
*Legs is sitting on the front row. She has a big foam hand and is waving it back and forth. It says, "Race for the Win". Oh that's cute!*  
  
Legs: I made it my self. NO!  
  
GGG: You've been SPOCT!  
  
Legs: Ah, doughnuts.  
  
GGG: Hey guys you hear that music!  
  
Kennyon: They can say other stuff?  
  
GGG: Of course we can! Guys hear the music?  
  
*The green garden gnomes come out. All of them. There are like thirty of them. All of them are shaking and moving. It's actually very cute.*  
  
Katie: Of course their cute. In their authentic Argentinean garb.  
  
Delphie: Look at them shake their little fists! Oh, they are so cute.  
  
GGG 1: Hey guys lets show them how we rock!  
  
GGG 2: I love Rock n' Roll. Put another dime in the jute box baby!  
  
GGG 1: No, I mean lets do the Macarena!  
  
All GGG: Yeah!  
  
*The green garden gnomes run in front of the Spazzersizers and start to dance. Right hand out, left hand out. Turn over. Right on shoulder, left on shoulder. Right on head, left on head. Right on waist, left on waist. Right on booty, left on booty and SHAKE! Then turn.*  
  
Lily: Psst! Kennyon!  
  
Kennyon: *running to Lily at the curtain.* Yeah?  
  
Lily: While they were dancing I got their buttons!  
  
Kennyon: You what!  
  
Lily: I got the Timmy buttons.  
  
*Timmy has now joined the Gnomes. He's the leader. He's really getting into the booty shake part.*  
  
Les: Dancing! Yay!  
  
*Les runs to the dancers. But he isn't doing the Macarena he's doing his own little moves. Wow, thirty green garden gnomes, Timmy Fitzgerald, and Les Jacobs. Today for enjoyment folks we have. . . . Les and the SPOCT 31!*  
  
Les: See this boy! Watch this scene dig in the dancing ME!!  
  
*That isn't the prettiest thing I've seen but it's like a car accident. You can't look away no matter how bad it is.*  
  
Kennyon: Lily! They might come after you!  
  
Lily: Yeah but I got the buttons.  
  
Kennyon: Well hurry get rid of them. Burn them or something.  
  
Lily: Can do!  
  
*Lily leaves the stage and the Moustached Stranger is trying to sneak away but he doesn't see Mush or Jack sneaking, ever so quietly, behind him.*  
  
Mush: *shoes squeak* oops!  
  
*I said quietly!*  
  
Mush: Sorry!  
  
*Oh just get him already.*  
  
Jack: You got it.  
  
*Jack and Mush jump on top of the moustached stranger.*  
  
Jack: We got him!  
  
*Kennyon runs over. Spaz stops the music.*  
  
Les and Timmy: NOOOOOO!  
  
Kennyon: You guys can go use the stereo in my room. Just stay out of our way.  
  
Les: You got it!  
  
Timmy: Come on Gnomes. Let's go Boogy!  
  
GGG: YAY!  
  
*Les, Timmy and the green garden gnomes leave the stage and Mush and Jack are still trying to hold the moustached stranger down. He is wiggling like a fish.*  
  
Kennyon: So this was your plan? Catch him when he wasn't paying attention?  
  
Jack: Yes! Well we got him didn't we?  
  
Mush: Hey Spaz!  
  
Spaz: Yes?  
  
Mush: Go get some duct tape. We can tape him up then de-moustache the moustached stranger!  
  
Spaz: Can do!  
  
*Spaz runs out and returns with a roll of blue duct tape.*  
  
Spaz: Ok hold him still!  
  
*Mush and Jack hold down the moustached stranger as Spaz begins to wrap him up, beginning with his feet. She wraps quickly and soon the moustached stranger is immobile.*  
  
Spaz: All done!  
  
Mush: Good! Now all we have to do is take off the moustache, and we will know who it is!  
  
*Mush prepares to remove the moustache, but unfortunately the moustached stranger knows that Mush, Blink, Spaz and Kennyon have a short attention span.*  
  
Moustached Stranger: You ever wonder what Kid Blink is hiding under that patch?  
  
*Mush stops.*  
  
Mush: No, but now that you said that, I want to know!  
  
Kennyon: Me too.  
  
Spaz: I wonder if he is hiding a hideous scar or something.  
  
Jack: Only one way to find out.  
  
All: KID BLINK!  
  
Blink: What! Would you guys stop yelling? Every time you do those stupid birds of Swifty's start to screech again.  
  
Kennyon: Heya Blink?  
  
Blink: Hey you got the moustached stranger!  
  
Kennyon: Yeah yeah yeah, We know. But what we don't know is. . .  
  
Spaz: is what you have under that patch of yours.  
  
Blink: Whoa! Stay away from the patch!  
  
Kennyon: Come one! Just one little peek?  
  
Blink: No!  
  
Jack: Duct tape him Mush!  
  
*Mush and Spaz grab Blink and pin him down. They begin to duct tape him up. Finally they finish.*  
  
Blink: This isn't funny!  
  
Kennyon: Now we can finally see.  
  
*Kennyon removes the patch to reveal. . . .another patch!*  
  
Jack: That's weird!  
  
Mush; Here let me try.  
  
*Mush removes the patch to reveal . . . another patch.*  
  
Jack: Third times the charm.  
  
*Jack removes the patch to reveal . . . another patch.*  
  
Spaz: Hey what's the gag!  
  
*Spaz removes the patch to reveal another patch.*  
  
Kennyon: I'll try again.  
  
*Kennyon removes the patch to reveal another patch. This goes on and on. Soon they have a pile of patches a foot high. And Blink still has a patch on.*  
  
Blink: You guys are dumb!  
  
Kennyon: What are you talking about? We're not dumb! Are we guys?  
  
Spaz: No, of course we ain't. Tell us the secret of the patch Blink.  
  
Blink: Fine, you can only see my eye, if you have the power!  
  
Kennyon: The power?  
  
Spaz: What's that?  
  
Blink: It's inner power that you summon when you. . . .  
  
Moustached Stranger: That's poppy cock. You guys have to cut it off. You can' just pull it.  
  
Kennyon: Ok.  
  
*Kennyon pulls out her scissors and cuts the string. The patch falls off to reveal . ....another patch, yet again.*  
  
Moustached Stranger: It should have worked!  
  
Blink: Look you guys are wasting your time. Can you cut my hand out?  
  
Spaz: Will you remove the patch?  
  
Blink: Sure.  
  
*The group cuts out Blink's hand and he lifts the patch. The group gasps at what they see.*  
  
Blink: Are you happy now? *replacing the patch.*  
  
Kennyon: Yes thank you.  
  
Blink: Can I go?  
  
Jack: Sure.  
  
*They let Blink go.*  
  
Mush: See ya later Blink!  
  
Blink: Bye guys.  
  
*Blink leaves the stage and the foursome turns back to the moustached stranger.*  
  
Kennyon: No, stalling. Let's pull off that moustache and see who the most amazing kisser really is!  
  
Spaz: He is not Dutchy!  
  
Kennyon: Well I don't know how Dutchy kisses, so I don't know if he's better than that guy, but that guy is good! I don't think it's Dutchy though.  
  
Dutchy: Yeah cause I'm right here.  
  
*Dutchy walks across the stage past the duct taped stranger. The group waves at him and looks back down.*  
  
Jack: Here goes.  
  
*Jack rips off the moustache to reveal . ....*  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Hi everybody! Well this chapters over. Oh come one, don't tell me you wanted to know who it was! Well if you really want to know, I need at least 30 reviews. No buts. If you want to know who the moustached stranger is please, darn it, review! I'm up to 25 right now. Actually if I get up to 35 before I post the next chapter, I will write two really long ones. So come on, review for me. The green garden gnomes will eat you if you don't! Mwah ha ha. Oh and still tell me who you think the moustached stranger is. I haven't written the next chapter yet so I still don't know. Thanks everyone. I'm waiting for my reviews.  
  
~Kennyon, (waiting for her reviews) 


	14. Escape? Vacation?

Previously on Kennyon's Comedy Hour. . .  
  
Kennyon: No, stalling. Let's pull off that moustache and see who the most amazing kisser really is!  
  
Spaz: He is not Dutchy!  
  
Kennyon: Well I don't know how Dutchy kisses, so I don't know if he's better than that guy, but that guy is good! I don't think its Dutchy though.  
  
Dutchy: Yeah cause I'm right here.  
  
*Dutchy walks across the stage past the duct taped stranger. The group waves at him and looks back down.*  
  
Jack: Here goes.  
  
*Jack rips off the moustache to reveal. ....*  
  
Announcer: We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special bulletin.  
  
Kennyon: He's just kidding I wouldn't do that to you! Besides, I made promises I didn't intend to keep, which brings me to another point. . . Disney movies are growing increasingly. . .  
  
Legs, Agua, Sureshot, Lily, Spaz, and pretty much everyone else: KENNYON!!  
  
Kennyon: fine! Here goes, on with the show.  
  
*Jack, Mush, Kennyon, and Spaz, step back when the moustache is revealed. The group gets excited and Jack calls for everyone.*  
  
Jack: *shouting to people backstage* WE KNOWS WHO DA MOUSTACED STRANGER IS!  
  
*Everyone comes running from backstage. All the cute wittle couples stand together. Staring at the de-moustached stranger still duct taped on the stage. Legs is with Race, Agua is with Kid Blink, Dreamer is with Spot, Spaz is with Dutchy but Lily was no where to be seen so Crutchy stood alone. The newsies without girls are whispering amongst themselves. Kennyon is staring amazed into the face of a dark, curly haired boy.*  
  
Kennyon: All along it's been you.  
  
*Kennyon is smiling. All of her friends told her it was him. After all he was always trying to get her attention and he did make her smile. She just couldn't imagine him doing something like this.* Kennyon: Why couldn't you just tell me you liked me? Why did you have to go and pull a stunt like this?  
  
*Before the de-moustached stranger could answer a sound was heard followed by Lily running on to the stage with a billowing cloud of smoke behind her. Everyone looked at her.*  
  
Spaz: Oh my, Lily what happened?  
  
*Lily approached Kennyon who grabbed her nose at the wayfaring smell of Lily. She smelled oddly of smoke, crackers, ashes, and fish.*  
  
Lily: Don't worry Kennyon; I got rid of every last button.  
  
Kennyon: And they caused an explosion.  
  
Lily: Oh no. The buttons burnt up quickly.  
  
Kennyon: Then what caused the explosion.  
  
Lily: A lot of things combined.  
  
Kennyon: Like what?  
  
*Lily looked around at many different people. All the newsies looked away in shame.*  
  
Kennyon: Well? What's going on? Tell me now!  
  
Lily: Well, I went backstage and got the matches, and I had already finished burning them when Spot came out.  
  
Kennyon: What about Spot? You better tell me.  
  
Spot: Well I saw she was burning things and well I snatched a few bottles of Blinkie Boy's Spot Remover earlier so I thought that Lily could get rid of them by burning them.  
  
Kennyon: and those blew up?  
  
Dutchy: Maybe I should chime in here. When I was inspecting mattress I decided that Timmy's was just too gross. So I had Lily burn it.  
  
*A few more newsies confessed to asking Lily to burn things. Meanwhile the de-moustached stranger had gotten himself out of the duct tape and was sneaking off the stage.*  
  
Kennyon: So let me get this straight, you burned four bottles of chemical radiation, a mattress, a roll of duct tape that Spaz wanted to get rid of because it was soggy and wet, Race's old betting tickets, Jack's old rope, Kid Blink's worn out patches and all of the newsies old banana peels?  
  
Lily: Yeah.  
  
Kennyon: And it caused an explosion!  
  
Lily: No, the stuff didn't cause the explosion. One of Swifty's birds blew up. Apparently it ate a plate of "special" brownies from Mush and Boots.  
  
Kennyon: Why didn't you just say . . . hey where'd he go?  
  
*Everyone on the stage looked around. The boy that had been duct taped up was gone. They all looked high and low and all around. But he was nowhere to be found.*  
  
Kennyon: I just find out who he is and he leaves!  
  
*Kennyon sits on the stage and pulls her knees to her chest. The newsies try and consul her.*  
  
Jack: Don't worry. We'll find him.  
  
Race: Yeah, I'll take Midtown.  
  
Crutchy: I've got da Bronx.  
  
Blink: I'll take Harlem.  
  
*All the newsies leave in turn. Kennyon is still sitting all alone on the stage floor. Legs and Spaz take a seat next to her.*  
  
Spaz: Kennyon we are so sorry!  
  
Legs: Yeah, we are so sorry. I can't believe he left you like that!  
  
Kennyon: You know this show is driving nuts me! And now he left me! I'm not staying here. I'm going on vacation! I'll be back in a few chapters!  
  
Legs: Chapters?  
  
Spaz: Kennyon what are you talking about?  
  
Kennyon: Did I say chapters? I meant hours. I'm taking a spa day.  
  
Legs: But who's going to run the show?  
  
Kennyon: Hmmm . . . . the newsies can't do it. So why don't you two. I'll be back later. Oh and if you-know-who comes back, tell him I'm mad at him.  
  
*With that Kennyon left. Spaz and Legs are on the stage looking around trying to figure out what to do.*  
  
Spaz: Umm. . . Legs?  
  
Legs: yeah?  
  
Spaz: Do you have any idea how to run a TV show?  
  
Legs: Well Kennyon made it look so easy.  
  
Spaz: Well then how hard can it be?  
  
Legs: Yeah, let's go!  
  
*Spaz and Legs run off the stage and the lights go dark.* 


	15. Catch Him!

*Lights come up and music plays*  
  
Mush: This is a notice of the Missing Person Society of America.  
  
Skittery: This morning, this man. . .  
  
*A picture of the person, who left Kennyon stranded all alone on that stage with nothing to go off of, right after she finally got to see who he really is!*  
  
Skittery: Left a dear friend of America, alone and stranded with no clue to his whereabouts.  
  
Mush: He brought her to her knees and now he is gone.  
  
Skittery: Please help us. . . .  
  
Lily: Hey guys! Legs and Spaz are getting ready to start! They say they have a big surprise for us!  
  
Mush: Really!  
  
Skittery: I'm kind of worried. Those two know nothing of running a TV show.  
  
Lily: We all know that. That's why this will be so funny.  
  
Mush: Come on Skittery.  
  
Skittery: It's better than one of those morning shows.  
  
Lily: That's for sure.  
  
Mush: Let's go.  
  
*Skittery is getting ready to leave but he quicly turns back to the screen.*  
  
Skittery: Help us catch him. He goes by the alias name of. . .  
  
Lily: Skittery! Let's go.  
  
*Skittery leaves and the lights in the commercial room fade.* 


	16. Kennyon's Song

SOMEWHERE ON THE STREETS OF THE IMAGINARY TOWN KENNYON'S COMEDY HOUR IS FILMED IN. . .  
  
*He sits alone in a dark alley. He runs his hands through his dark curly hair and ponders what he has done.*  
  
You-know-who: Why'd I do it? Why did I just leave her like that?  
  
*He stands and begins to walk around trying to figure out what he just did. He begins to sing*  
  
You- know-who: So that's what they call love  
  
Woman, man, girl and boy  
  
Guess that everything you heard about is true  
  
So you ain't able ta stick around  
  
Well, don't ya really have ta?  
  
Don't ya wish she was waitin' up for you?  
  
When I dream  
  
On my own  
  
I'm alone but I ain't lonely  
  
For a dreamer night's the only time of day  
  
When the city's finally sleepin'  
  
All my thoughts begin to stray  
  
And I'm on the train that's bound to be with her  
  
And I'm free  
  
Like the wind  
  
Like I'm gonna live forever  
  
It's a feeling time can never take away  
  
All I need's a little more courage  
  
And I'm all of hers ta stay  
  
Dreams come true  
  
Yes, they do  
  
with Kennyon  
  
Where does it say you gotta live and die alone?  
  
Where does it say a guy can't catch a break?  
  
Why should you only take what you're given?  
  
Why should you spend your whole life livin'  
  
Trapped where there ain't no future  
  
Even at seventeen If the life don't seem to suit ya  
  
How 'bout a change of scene?  
  
Far from the lousy headlines  
  
And the deadlines in between  
  
Kennyon  
  
Are you there?  
  
Do you swear you won't forget me?  
  
If I found you would you let me come and stay?  
  
I ain't gettin' any younger  
  
And before my dyin' day  
  
I want space  
  
Not just air  
  
Let 'em laugh in my face I don't care  
  
Save a place  
  
I'll be there  
  
So that's what they call love  
  
Don't ya wish ya could be that way?  
  
Ain't ya glad you got a dream called Kennyon?  
  
Jack: *peering out a window with his nighty on. I guess he was takin a nap.* Hey was someone singing Sante Fe. . .  
  
*Jack changes quickly and runs on to the street.*  
  
Jack: So that's what they call a family. . .  
  
*Jack please don't.*  
  
Jack: Why not? Everyone loves that song!  
  
*Says who?*  
  
Jack: Well I want to sing it!  
  
You-know-who: Please don't.  
  
Jack: Hey you come back!  
  
YKW: AAAHH!  
  
*He runs off leaving Jack standing in the middle of the street.*  
  
Jack: He never was one of my favorites. Then he has to go off and break her heart! I love Kennyon like nothing else. And well after my nasty divorce I want to keep her safe from people like. . .  
  
*a drill is heard of Jack*  
  
Jack: She deserves better. I can't believe he would do that! Hey was he the one singing my song?  
  
*Jack lets go watch the show.* 


	17. King of Fan Spinnin'

*Big flashing blue and orange lights circle the stage and a loud voice comes over the intercom. Hey is that Race?*  
  
Race: And now. . . Straight from the studios of Kennyon's Comedy Hour . . . we bring you a temporary replacement! Give it up for the Spaz n' Legs Show! He he he! They actually called it Spazzin Legs! Ha!  
  
*Leave them alone Race.*  
  
Race: fine!  
  
*The curtains open and Legs and Spaz run onto the stage. They are both wearing polka dot dresses and they look really cute!*  
  
Spaz: Hi! Welcome to our show!  
  
Legs: While Kennyon is away feeling better, we are taking over.  
  
Spaz: So sit back and wait for the humor to come.  
  
*Legs and Spaz look around for a minute. Then Legs turns to Spaz*  
  
Legs: What next?  
  
Spaz: I dunno! Stuff usually just happens for Kennyon!  
  
Legs: Maybe we should do that thing for Bumlets.  
  
Spaz: What thing?  
  
Legs: You know,  
  
Spaz: What?  
  
Legs: The fan spinning contest!  
  
Spaz: OH! Ok. That sounds good.  
  
Legs: *turning back to audience* Well we have a special treat. Kennyon couldn't get to this before so we thought we would help her out. We are going to do the contest to find Bumlets.  
  
Bumlets: Hey that's me!  
  
Spaz: Yes it is!  
  
Legs: His very own goil.  
  
Bumlets: She can fence with me.  
  
Spaz: I'm warning you . . . if you stab anyone with that pointy stick, you will get it from me.  
  
Bumlets: Oh yeah . . . whatcha gunna do! Duct tape me to death?  
  
Spaz: That's exactly what I will do!  
  
Legs: She isn't lying either! She'll do it.  
  
Bumlets: Oh I am so scared. . . .No really, I am.  
  
*Bumlets cowers behind Legs*  
  
Race: Hey get you'se hands off me goil!  
  
Bumlets: *jumping away* Sorry Race.  
  
Spaz: So where we? Oh yes! The contest.  
  
Legs: We have two contestants. Sureshot Higgins and Katie!  
  
Spaz: My dear friend Katie.  
  
Legs: So here is what ya have ta do. We have two fans attached to the ceiling right over there.  
  
*Legs points to two fans, a good distance apart hanging above two tables.*  
  
Spaz: Sureshot and Katie will get on top of the tables and we will play "I'm King of New York"  
  
Race: Oh, can we really sing?  
  
Spaz: You are kind of missing a certain newsie.  
  
Jack: Oh we know. . . Oh, I forgot to tell ya, I saw him earlier.  
  
Legs: Why didn't you stop him?  
  
Jack: He was singing a song with the tune of Sante Fe; I just got caught up in the moment.  
  
Spaz: Jack, you are positively the dumbest newsie to walk into a dairy queen after midnight.  
  
Jack: What?  
  
Spaz: Exactly.  
  
Jack: Whatever.  
  
Race: Well, I have ta tell ya, you-know-who doesn't have a solo in "King of New York"  
  
Legs: That is true, Spaz.  
  
Spaz: Fine. You guys can sing it.  
  
*Race and Jack spit shake.*  
  
Race: Heya guys we're singin "King of New. . .  
  
Spaz: Wait . . . what about Denton?  
  
Jack: Ooopps.  
  
Race: Forgot bout him.  
  
Jack: Wait, I know what we can do.  
  
*Jack whispers something to Race. Race nods and they smile.*  
  
Race: Don't worry we got it covered. We just have to go get the boys ready. And go kidnap someone from a spa.  
  
*The two leave before Legs and Spaz realize what they just said. Legs tries to call but they don't hear her.*  
  
Legs: Leave Kennyon alone!  
  
Spaz: They're gone. Besides if they know what's good for them, they'll leave her alone.  
  
Legs: Well those two aren't the smartest. I love Race I do . . . but sometimes, he isn't the most delicious cookie in the jar.  
  
Spaz: Yeah . . . neither is Dutchy.  
  
Katie: Um . . . can we get started?  
  
Sureshot: Yeah, or do we have to figure this out our selves?  
  
Legs: Oh sorry. We were worried about. . .  
  
Katie: About Kennyon. Yeah we know.  
  
Spaz: Anyway. They are going to sing King of New York, and you two will be standing on the tables.  
  
Legs: When it comes to the point where Bumlets jumps on the fans,  
  
Spaz: You two will jump up and grab hold.  
  
Legs: You will spin and the one who spins the longest. . .  
  
Spaz: Gets Bumlets.  
  
Legs: Simple as that.  
  
Sureshot: *whispering to Katie* Knowin these two, it isn't going to turn out so simple.  
  
Katie: *trying to cover a laugh* No kiddin!  
  
Spaz: What are you two sayin?  
  
Sureshot: Nothin.  
  
Legs: Okay, as soon as the guys get back we can start.  
  
*At that a voice is heard from backstage. A loud angry voice.*  
  
Kennyon: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS STOLE ME AWAY FROM MY SPA DAY TO MAKE ME COME HERE AND SING "KING OF NEW YORK" WITH YOU. . . .I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE SINGING ABOUT ME OR NOT. I HAVE ALREADY BEEN HURT EMOTIONALLY BY ONE NEWSIE; I DON'T NEED PHYSICAL PAIN FROM YOU GUYS TOO. . . NO I CANNOT GO BACK TO THE SPA AFTER THIS! THEY ONLY LET YOU IN ONCE A DAY. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU RACE! AND JACK, WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM!  
  
*Kennyon finally walks out on to stage and looks around. Her eyes are full of tears *  
  
Kennyon: I guess I have to sing this.  
  
*She turns back and heads back to get here costume on. Spaz looks at Race and Jack like "I told you so." The two newsies look away and whistle. They didn't believe that Kennyon would yell like that.*  
  
Race: This is all you-know-who's fault!  
  
Jack: Why'd he leave her like that?  
  
Race: and he was always one of me favorite newsies.  
  
Jack: Yeah, he could improve da truth like nothing else.  
  
Race: That moustache didn't improve his truth though.  
  
Jack: Dat's true.  
  
Spaz: Hey you two ready?  
  
Jack: Yeah, hopefully Kennyon will sing along okay.  
  
Legs: So everyone is ready?  
  
Rave: Yup. We ready to get started Jacky boy?  
  
Jack: Yeah let's go Race.  
  
*Jack and Race walk off the stage. Sureshot and Katie jump up on the two tables and Spaz and Legs leave. The lights go down and the stage hands set up a restaurant scene. All the newsies in the scene come out. Kennyon looks mad when she enters but she still says all her lines. So she won't be out shined by some stupid newsies*  
  
Kennyon: Hey fellas. Hey, hey! Big time.  
  
Boots: What you got there Jack?  
  
Spot: Where's me picture? Where's me picture?  
  
Boots: What's that? That all about us?  
  
Mush: Look at that Jack. You look like a gentleman.  
  
Jack: Will you get your fingers off me face?  
  
Spot: Where does it say my name? Where's my name?  
  
Jack: Will you quit thinking about yourself?  
  
David: You got us on the front page!  
  
Kennyon: You got yourselves on the front page. I just got to make sure you stay there.  
  
Skittery: So what. You get your picture in the papes, so what's that get you, huh?  
  
Mush: What are you talkin' about?  
  
Jack: Shut up, boy. You been in a bad mood all day!  
  
Skittery: I'm not in a bad mood!  
  
Race: Glum and dumb. What's the matta with you? You get your picture in the papes, you're famous. Your famous, you get anything you want. That's what so great about New York!  
  
*The music begins and so does the song*  
  
Mush:  
  
A pair of new shoes with matchin' laces!  
  
Race:  
  
A permanent box at Sheepshead races!  
  
Spot:  
  
A porcelain tub with boilin' water!  
  
Kid Blink:  
  
A Saturday night with the mayor's daughter!  
  
Race:  
  
Look at me  
  
I'm the king of New York  
  
Suddenly  
  
I'm respectable  
  
Starin' right at 'cha  
  
Lousy with stature  
  
Jack:  
  
Nobbin' with all the muckety-mucks  
  
I'm blowin' my dough and goin' deluxe  
  
Race:  
  
And there I be  
  
Ain't I pretty?  
  
Race and Jack:  
  
It's my city  
  
I'm the king of New York!  
  
Boots:  
  
A corduroy suit with fitted knickers  
  
Les:  
  
A mezzanine seat to see the flickers  
  
Snipeshooter:  
  
Havana cigars that cost a quarter  
  
David:  
  
A brand new dress for the star of the hour!  
  
Newsies:  
  
Tip your hat  
  
she's the queen of New York  
  
Kennyon:  
  
How 'bout that!  
  
I'm the queen of New York  
  
Newsies:  
  
In nothing flat  
  
She'll be hosting  
  
Brooklyn to Trenton  
  
Our girl Kennyon  
  
Kid Blink:  
  
Makin' a hit show out of a hunch  
  
Kennyon:  
  
Protecting the weak  
  
Race:  
  
And payin' for lunch  
  
Kennyon:  
  
When I'm at bat  
  
Strong men crumble  
  
Race:  
  
Proud yet humble  
  
Race and Kennyon:  
  
I'm (She's) the queen of New York  
  
All:  
  
I gotta be either dead or dreamin'  
  
'Cause look at that screen with my face beamin'  
  
Tomorrow they may throw dishes at it  
  
But I was a star for one whole minute  
  
Startin' now  
  
I'm the king of New York  
  
Kennyon:  
  
Ain't ya heard?  
  
I'm the queen of New York  
  
Newsies:  
  
Holy cow  
  
It's miracle  
  
Pulitzer's cryin'  
  
Weasel, he's dyin'  
  
Flashpots are shootin' bright as the sun  
  
I'm one highfalutin' son-of-a-gun  
  
Don't ask me how  
  
Fortune found me  
  
Fate just crowned me  
  
Now I'm king of New York  
  
Look and see  
  
Once had answers  
  
Now a dancer  
  
I'm the king of New York  
  
Victory!  
  
Front page story  
  
Guts and glory  
  
I'm the king of New York!  
  
*Just before the word "Victory" Katie and Sureshot jump up on the fans. They begin to spin and as the music ends they continue to spin. They're pretty strong right now. Kennyon is looking pretty mad. After the song ends she storms back stage muttering about you-know-who. All the newsies look after her. They can tell she's really hurt. All the boys look back at the two spinning girls. They continue to watch. This might take a little longer than planned. Time for a commercial.* 


	18. Kennyon's Back! Not Story Related

*Sound the Trumpets*  
  
This is not a commercial that has to do with the story. I know how some people. . . .*gives hard glare at her reading audience* feel about them. So I am here to say, sorry about the long update gap. I was away at camp and had no way of updating. There arent many computers up in the mountains of Utah.  
  
So now I am finally home. In the sweltering Utah heat. Dieing at that thought of how hot its going to be tomorrow. So we are going to try and type a really long chapter really fast.  
  
Another thing, I know that some of you are completely clueless about my moustached stranger still. I promise to finally reveal him this up-coming chapter. I promise with all the sweat that I am sweating.  
  
Oh you want to hear a really funny story?  
  
Ok, so I was at camp and I have this thing, I can totally biff it and not get hurt. Its completely fake but people cant tell. So it was like one in the morning and a bunch of girls were up in the main pavilion playing this game, Psychiatrist. Funny game if you have really dumb people. But they were playing and I was sitting off to the side sipping on some water. I turned to some of my friends and I was like, out of the blue. . .  
  
Should I biff it?  
  
All the older girls who knew what I do were like. . .  
  
Yeah that would be so funny  
  
Some of the younger girls were like. . .  
  
What are you going to do?  
  
All the older girls and I laughed and I stood up. I walked around the circle of girls casually like I was going to the bathroom. Well it was perfect because someone had left a chair out and it was going to look so believable. Now I must remind you all I was sleep deprived, hungry and I am not the sanest person in the world. So I walked towards the chair, my right foot hit it and down I went. I sprawled on the pavement and the chair fell over and hit a couple more. The people playing their game looked over at me. Like four people asked. . .  
  
Are you alright?  
  
All the older girls in my group were laughing their heads off. I jumped up and I was like,  
  
Im cool, Im good. And I walked to the bathroom and the girls in my group were now rolling in laughter. I was dieing laughing in the bathroom. The older girls told everyone that it was fake. So when I came out of the bathroom I was greeted with applause. It was dang funny. And that is my story.  
  
Okay on with the story that I should be writing. But telling you about camp is funnier.  
  
Any Noodle. Here we go. Im home! Yay! Shout for joy. *if I get reviews shouting for joy the chapters will come faster.*  
  
Love you all!  
  
~Kennyon 


	19. Moustached Man and Duct Tape Guy

*And we are back. Kennyon is still in a bad mood. She is sitting back stage moping. We all are really mad at that stupid piece of . . . *  
  
Legs: Narrator it`s a family show!  
  
*Sorry. I`m just mad for Kennyon. Well Sureshot and Katie are still spinning on the fans. They are still going pretty strong. Sureshot had a run in with Race`s face a while ago, but he got the worse of it*  
  
Race: Owe! My eye!  
  
*Then Katie got winked at by Bumlets and she started squealing. That was funny. Weeeee. . .spin. . . .Weee. . . .Spin . . . weeeee!*  
  
Spaz: They have been going for like an hour now!  
  
Legs: I know. I wish one would fall.  
  
Race: Which one?  
  
Legs: I`m not going to tell you Race!  
  
Race: Why not?  
  
Legs: Because the host of the show isn`t supposed to reveal who she wants to win!  
  
Race: But you ain`t the host.  
  
Spaz: We are the temporary hosts.  
  
Race: I`m sick of Kennyon sulking.  
  
Jack: I am too.  
  
David: I`m not.  
  
Everyone but David: WHAT??  
  
Legs: That is so rude.  
  
Spaz: I can`t believe you would say that!  
  
Race: I`m mean ta Kennyon, but I wouldn`t wish dat on her.  
  
Jack: Yeah, Davie what`s your problem?  
  
David: If Kennyon sulks and that crappy boy never comes back then I have a chance with her.  
  
Legs: You know David I think some of Sarah is rubbing off on you!  
  
Spaz: We don`t think you are being very nice.  
  
Legs: You are like an evil robot gone on a rampage to steal all the donuts of the world so you can throw them at the children of Madagascar!  
  
*Everyone on stage looks at Legs like she has gone mad. Sureshot jumps down and runs over to Legs*  
  
Sureshot: That only happened once Legs! I can`t believe you would bring it up.  
  
*Everyone looks over at Sureshot then up at the still spinning Katie. Everyone gasps. Bumlets comes running out.*  
  
Bumlets: I heard one of the fans stop who won?  
  
*Sureshot looks around and cries*  
  
Sureshot: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. . . ..*breath* . . . . .OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
*Katie jumps down and starts doing here victory dance.*  
  
Katie: Uh huh! Yeah I won, I won! Take that Mr. President!  
  
Bumlets: Who?  
  
Katie: Oh nothing.  
  
Bumlets: Well you are the winner. How do you feel?  
  
Katie: Very dizzy.  
  
*Katie almost falls but. . . oh how cute! . . . Bumlets` catches her.*  
  
Race: Dank heavens dat`s over.  
  
Jack: No kidding. Hey Bumlets take Katie to get a drink of water. She looks flushed. And Sureshot, um. . . .Well you can be my goil if you want. . .  
  
*Sureshot I am so sorry. Kennyon drew the names out of a hat on who would win. Katie did. We are so sorry. If you don`t like Jack, tell me. If you have someone else in mind let me know. Oh and a side note. Jack never got married. So let`s forget about that. We like Jack. He`s much too good for Sarah. And Kennyon found this really hot picture of him the other day. But anyway. Moving on. Sorry again Sureshot! We love you.*  
  
Sureshot: I`ll have to think about it Jack.  
  
Jack: Ok. Well we need to get back to this David thing.  
  
*All the newsies come out and crowd around David.*  
  
Legs: *stepping to the front with Spaz* Now tell us why you want Kennyon to be unhappy.  
  
Spaz: Yeah, Kennyon helped all of us find the best, so she deserves the best.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Side note right here. . . .  
  
I may sound a little conceited, but I`m not. May I refer you all to the all time classic song, *I`ve Gotta Crow* from the musical Peter Pan.  
  
*Conceited? Not me. It`s just that I am what I am, and I`m me. When I look at myself and I see in myself All the wonderful things that I see! If I`m pleased with myself I have every good reason to be!*  
  
Yeah, so if you have a problem with me being so cool and maybe a little cocky in this story, may I remind you. IT`S MY FAN FICTION! I LOVE MY NEWSIES AND THAT IS WHY I AM WRITING THIS STORY. SO I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE. . . NAY THE RIGHT TO BE WONDERFUL. Okay. Now that we have covered that. Let`s move on.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Jack: She most certainly does!  
  
Race: I know she does and I don`t even like `er most of da time.  
  
Spot: She brought all of us here and made us stars! *Spot was holding on to Dreamer*  
  
Dreamer: She has always been good to all of us.  
  
Mush: What are you tinkin David?  
  
Specs: *Coming out of nowhere, wait did I say Specs? Do I suspect a hint of something here?* Come off him guys.  
  
*Specs has walked down the steps of the studio and is now standing head on with all the newsies and most of there girls. He is not being very smart taking on a crowd of angry singers and dancers. Specs knows all of them are mad at him. After all he did leave Kennyon stranded after finally seeing his face. That`s right you heard me. It was Specs. Mr. Improve- the-truth himself. It was Specs, all along Specs. If you didn`t get that by now, I`m sorry.*  
  
Specs: David didn`t do nothin.  
  
Legs: Yeah you did!  
  
Spaz: Now everyone just remain calm!  
  
*Everyone stood for a second trying to figure out what to do. Then came a voice from the crowd.*  
  
Legs: Let`s soak `em for Kennyon!  
  
*Everyone ran forward screaming. Jack grabbed Specs hands, Mush his feet. They dragged Specs over to a large pole and used Jack`s rope to tie him up. Everyone got him tightly secured and then looked at him.*  
  
Dreamer: What do we do now?  
  
Spot: Well we could torture him.  
  
Agua: No, that wouldn`t be good. Then he might fight back.  
  
Blink: But there are more of us then him!  
  
Spaz: Boys we are not going to torture him!  
  
Legs: Yeah, that would be just rude.  
  
Race: Oh, come on. We could roll for it. Highest number gets to choose.  
  
Legs: Race! We are not going to gamble over something like this.  
  
Spaz: Hey Dutchy!  
  
Dutchy: Yeah?  
  
Spaz: You`re friends with Specs. How do we torture him without actually hurting him?  
  
Dutchy: Well Specs has this fear of. . . .  
  
*Dutchy was about to say something when he was cut off, by a voice at the back of the crowd. A blonde head came walking through and addressed them all.*  
  
Kennyon: there will be no torturing Specs! I don`t want to have to deal with the authorities.  
  
Jack: but me and Mush are the authorities.  
  
Kennyon: I mean the real authorities. You guys are so stupid!  
  
*Kennyon rolled her eyes at the newsies and then turned to face the tied up Specs*  
  
Kennyon: As for you.  
  
Specs: Look Kennyon I am very very. . .  
  
Kennyon: I don`t know if I want to hear it right now. You hurt my feelings! You ran away from me! You broke out of Spaz`s duct tape!  
  
Spaz: That stuff isn`t cheap you know!  
  
Kennyon: Why did you hurt me like that?  
  
Specs: I don`t know. Kennyon I just. . .  
  
Kennyon: You just what? Thought this is a comedy show, it would be funny?  
  
*We can see all the newsie boys dancing around in the background. He he he. They look funny*  
  
Kennyon: Oh my. . . . Well Specs if you can prove your worth to me. I will forgive you.  
  
Specs: I`ll do anything.  
  
Les: You guys are dancing and I wasn`t invited.  
  
*Les begins to move all around. He is humming the words to *Bye Bye Bye!* by N*SYNC. He is trying to do all the moves. This time he looks like a hummingbird, caught by poor little kids then drugged. Oh my.*  
  
Sarah: Go Les Go!  
  
*We never really like Sarah.*  
  
Spaz: I have a theory.  
  
Legs: What`s that Spaz?  
  
Spaz: Sarah is legally blind.  
  
Legs: What makes you say that?  
  
Spaz: Well she tried to hit Morris, and she hit the wall. And she is always squinting.  
  
Legs: Makes sense.  
  
Spaz: Where`s Katie?  
  
Legs: Bumlets is getting her some water. Then knowing him he probably took her to dinner so he could be the gentlemen.  
  
Spaz: He likes doing that don`t he.  
  
Legs: Yeah, then he will ask her to fence with him. To finish the evening off.  
  
*Wait what happened to the conversation between Kennyon and Specs? When did you two become all supreme leaders of conversations?*  
  
Spaz: On the 32 of May 2004.65.  
  
*Uh huh*  
  
Legs: Spaz, I think we better go back to Kennyon and Specs. . . .Spaz?  
  
*Spaz has been carried off by the Green Garden Gnomes.*  
  
GGG: We are taking her hostage until we get our buttons back!  
  
Legs: But where will you take her?  
  
GGG: To the far reaches of the land where the sun don`t shine and the rain don`t fall.  
  
Legs: So Oklahoma then?  
  
GGG: No you idiot! Timmy`s bedroom.  
  
*Well we`ll sort that out later. Back to Specs and Kennyon*  
  
Specs: I`ll do anything for you.  
  
Kennyon: Fine. If you really will do anything rescue Spaz!  
  
Specs: *gulp* I have to go in Timmy`s room?  
  
Dutchy: I touched his mattress!  
  
Specs: Yeah but I have to far into that place.  
  
*The green garden gnomes have appeared again.*  
  
GGG: We didn`t get the host. We`ll take this one too.  
  
Kennyon: Hey get your hands off of me! What are you doing? Put me down!  
  
*The Green Garden Gnomes have stolen Kennyon! They know have Spaz, the Duct Tape Queen and Kennyon the host of Kennyon`s Comedy Hour.*  
  
Spot: We know who they are!  
  
*Yes but they have taken them!*  
  
Dutchy: Well Specs. . . .Go to it buddy.  
  
Specs: I have to go rescue them! I can be strong! Hand me my cape. . . .  
  
Dutchy: You have it on buddy.  
  
Specs: Oh. . . .Well here goes then!  
  
*Specs tries to blast off but then remembers he is tied to a pole*  
  
Specs: Um. . . Dutch. . . a little help?  
  
Dutchy: Sorry man.  
  
*Dutchy un ties Specs and Specs takes off!*  
  
Specs: I`m coming Kennyon!  
  
Dutchy: What about Spaz?  
  
Specs: Well then you can come too! You can get Spaz and I will get Kennyon.  
  
Dutchy: Ok. We can be the dynamic duo!  
  
Specs: Yeah we can be superheroes!  
  
Dutchy: But what should our names be?  
  
Specs: *putting his moustache on.* I can be Moustached Man!  
  
Dutchy: and I can be um. . . .Duct Tape Guy! I knew the outfit Spaz made me would come in handy.  
  
Specs: Oh. . . .we can wear matching glasses!  
  
Dutchy: Yeah that would be great!  
  
Spot: Here guys you can use these.  
  
*Spot hands the two each a pair of metallic blue sun glasses.*  
  
Dutchy: Ok, now we just need super powers.  
  
Lily: Oh! I can help with that. I have this stuff. . . *Lily holds up a bottle*  
  
Specs: That`s just Blinkie Boy`s Spot Remover.  
  
Lily: Well it`s radioactive. It will give you powers.  
  
*Lily pours a little on the hands of Specs*  
  
Lily: Feel any different?  
  
Specs: I can see through walls! And. . . *Lasers come from Specs` eyes* . . . .Do that!  
  
Lily: Your next Dutchy.  
  
*Lily pours a little on Dutchy`s hands.*  
  
Dutchy: I feel. . . stronger!  
  
*Dutchy goes over to a wall and hits it with his head. It comes crashing down*  
  
Specs: Well now we have the super powers. It`s time to rescue my Kennyon!  
  
Dutchy: and my Duct Tape Queen! I need her back. She is going to compete in the national Bed Jumping Contest.  
  
Lily: WAIT!  
  
Specs: Now what?  
  
Lily: Dutchy`s costume is okay, but Specs you need more than the moustache.  
  
Specs: Like what?  
  
Lily: Hmmmm. . . .Spandex!  
  
Specs: WHAT??  
  
*All the newsies burst out laughing. Specs in Spandex ought to be hilarious.*  
  
Lily: Oh, come on. You aren`t too big for spandex are you?  
  
Specs: Lily. . .  
  
Lily: Come on, Kennyon will think you`re a Sexy Specsy.  
  
*The newsies are now laughing even harder. This is too much. Specs is going to wear Spandex. That is too much.*  
  
Specs: Really? Ok, I`ll wear it.  
  
*Specs changes into a blue spandex suit matching his glasses. He puts his cape around his shoulders and puts the moustache on. Dutchy is in his red duct tape out fit with matching cape. He has his blue glasses all ready.*  
  
Dutchy: You ready Moustached Man?  
  
Specs: Let`s Go Duct Tape Guy!  
  
*The two run back stage.*  
  
Dutchy and Specs: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG!  
  
*Stay tuned for the awesome adventures of. . . .WOULD YOU NEWSIES STOP LAUGHING! SPECS` SPANDEX ISN`T THAT FUNNY! . . . . Sorry about that folks. Stay tuned for the awesome adventures of Spandex. . . I mean Moustached Man and Duct Tape Guy! . . . OK IT IS FUNNY BUT YOU GUYS BETTER SHUT UP!* 


	20. The Superhero Song

*And now it's time for the awesome adventures of Duct Tape Guy and Moustached Man.  AKA Dutchy and Specs.  Cue cheesy theme song.*

**Dutchy was a guy!**

**He was a duct tape guy!**

**He could break brick walls with his head**

**I dunno, why, that's just what he said.**

**Specs was a man!**

**He was the Mustached Man!**

**He could burn things with the lasers in his eyes**

**He's so cute, he makes Kennyon sigh!**

**Facing terrorous terrors**

**To bring back their girl-ers**

**Bashing brick walls, and burning things up**

**To save the day, YUP, YUP, YUP!**

*Duct Tape Guy and Moustached Man are heading back stage. They are following the trail of screams that Kennyon left behind.  She screamed so loud and high that the screams followed her.  They finally arrive at the amazing unknown.*

Specs: Alright Duct Tape Guy, this is the last chance you have to turn back.

Dutchy: I can do this Moustached Man.  Let's go!

*Specs and Dutchy open the door to Timmy's room slowly as they step in.  Specs goes first.  It's dark in there and scratching noises are coming from the walls.*

Dutchy: Hey Specs how about a little light?

Specs: I can't make light Duct Tape Guy!  Unless you want light from fire!

Dutchy: Oh.

Specs: Why don't you try and find the light switch.

Dutchy: Um. . . .Here it is.

*Dutchy flips the light switch and the light goes on.  It reveals a bed by the door and a huge room full of stuff all over the floor and the walls, and the shelves, and well everywhere else.*

Specs: Oh my, look at all this junk!

Dutchy: And what is that smell?

Specs: Well Duct Tape Guy, let's try and find Spaz and Kennyon.  They need us.

Dutchy: Hmmm. . . . Where do you think the green garden gnomes would have taken them?

Specs: Well . . . um. . . 

*Specs and Dutchy look around trying to figure out where in this vast mess the two girls would be.*

Dutchy: Let's try this way.

*They start walking around the bed and forward.  They begin to call out.*

Specs: KENNYON!

Dutchy: SPAZ-A-RINA!

Specs: WHERE ARE YOU GIRLS?

*Specs suddenly trips on something is sent plummeting into what appears to be a black hole.*

Dutchy: Spe. I mean Moustached Man!  Are you okay?

Specs: Yeah, luckily this black hole had a bottom.  Here try and get me out.

*Dutchy reaches in and tries to help Specs out*

MEANWHILE. . . 

*Kennyon and Spaz are sitting inside a cage in the corner of Timmy's room.  Green garden gnomes are surrounding the cage and guarding the two.*

Kennyon: So when do you think Specs will come rescue me?

Spaz: You! What about me?

Kennyon: Oh, right.  When do you think Specs will come rescue us?

Spaz: I'm not sure.  I hope it's soon.  This cage is very uncomfortable.

GGG1: Will you two shut up!  Some of us are trying to guard you here!

Kennyon: You guys seem to be under a lot of stress.

Spaz: Yeah why are you guys so angry?

GGG2: Don't answer that William.

Kennyon: Oh you guys have names?

Spaz: Nice to meet you William.

Kennyon: Do you mind if we call you Will?

Spaz: Oh that reminds me. . . Have you seen that new movie . . . with Orlando Bloom in it?

Kennyon: Pirates of the Caribbean?  Yeah I love that movie.

Spaz: I want to see it.  

Kennyon: You haven't yet?

Spaz: Not yet. . . I really want to though. . . 

William/GGG1: Oh great.  Thanks for telling them my name Bill!

Bill/GGG2: How was I supposed to know that those two never shut up?

Kennyon: Your name is Bill! Nice to meet you Bill.

Spaz: He he he.  Will and Bill.  I like it.  Do you guys want to play a game with us?

Will: A game?

Bill: You want to play a game with us?

Kennyon: Sure why not.

Spaz: We don't have anything better to do.

Will: Well I guess so. . . 

Bill: Sure!

BACK TO THE SUPERHEROES. . . .

*Dutchy has thrown a rope of something down to Specs*

Dutchy: Do ya got it buddy?

Specs: Yup.  Now pull me up.

Dutchy: What! You're heavier than me!

Specs: Duct Tape Guy, you have superhuman strength.  Now pull me up.

Dutchy: Oh yeah forgot about that!

*Dutchy pulls Specs out of the hole and they begin to walk deeper into the bedroom.*

Specs: Any sign of them yet?

Dutchy: Not yet . . . but. . . .Holy biscuits and gravy!  What is that?

*Dutchy and Specs look up to see a twenty foot tall teddy bear.  It's a hot pink bear.*

Bear thing: Mwah ha ha!  I've been sent her by Gork.  

Specs: Who in the name of Abe Lincoln's mother is Gork?

Dutchy: Yeah, we're new at this super hero thing. So is Gork against us, or for us?

Bear: He's against you!  You two aren't very smart are you?

Specs: Kennyon says I'm the smartest brunette boy with glasses she knows!

Dutchy: And that makes you special, how?

Specs: Well Kennyon says so.

Dutchy: O. . . .K. . . .

Specs: What's wrong with that?

*The bear and Dutchy look at Specs funny before moving on.*  
Bear: Well I have come to stop your quest!

Dutchy: You can't do that! Spaz will kill me if I don't rescue her!

Specs: He's not joking!  And Kennyon will kill me for Spaz killing Dutchy.

Dutchy: It wouldn't be pretty. . . 

Specs: I'm pretty.

Dutchy: *laughs* Sure you are!  And I'm the Easter bunny!

Specs: You are?  Wow!  Can I have some Easter eggs?

Dutchy: Specs, in a brain race, you would get the "Best Effort" award.

Bear: *rolls eyes* Can we just kind of move on?

Specs: Well, actually.  We've never fought a villain before.

Dutchy: We wouldn't know what to do.

Bear: Well I guess I could explain to you the fundamentals of fighting your foe. . . .It might take a while though.

Specs: Hmmm . . . . Either run away and try and find Kennyon with an evil teddy bear following me, or learn how to fight and then do it.  

Dutchy: Spaz and Kennyon can take care of them selves for a while.  Okay, start explaining.

Bear: You sure.

Specs: Of course.  *Specs jumps up and shakes the bear's hand*

*The bear begins to break out in a seizure.*

Dutchy: You idiot! What did you do?

Specs: I dunno. . . I just shook his hand.

Bear: You . . . found. . . .My . . . weakness!  I'm. . . .So. . . .Sorry. . . Gork!  They're. . . .Smarter. . . .Than . . . they . . . appear!

Specs: Hey I represent that remark.

Dutchy: Of course you do.  Well I guess we better keep moving.

*The bear collapses on the ground and Dutchy and Specs begin to walk again.*

KENNYON AND SPAZ . . . 

Kennyon: Got any two's?

Will: Nope. Go fish.

Spaz: You cheater!  I can see your two's right there.

Bill: She's right.  You have three of them!

Will: What? Oh.  Yeah, here ya go Kennyon.

Kennyon: Thank you.  Spaz, do you have any King's?

Spaz: Arrgggh!  Here you go!

*Spaz hands Kennyon the kings and Kennyon begins to dance.*

Kennyon: I won again!  Yeah! I love this game.

Spaz: You always win.

Will: Yeah, it's no fair.

Bill: I bet it's a rigged deck.

Spaz: Prolly. . . 

Kennyon: It's not!  I'm just really good.

Spaz: Uh huh. . . Let's play with my cards.

Kennyon: Fine.  7 cards each. . .   
Spaz: No, not go fish.  I want to play a game of California Speed against you.

Kennyon: But that game goes on forever!

Spaz: I realize that.  But it will be worth it,

Kennyon: Alright.  26 cards each.

*Spaz deals the cards and each girl lays down four*

THE SUPERHERO'S AGAIN. . . .

Specs: Oh, the big red letter stands for the Jell-o family.  Oh the big red letter stands for the Jell-o family.  It's Jell-o, yum yum yum.  Jell-o pudding yum yum yum!  Jell-o tapioca pudding.  Try all three!

Dutchy: Where'd you learn that song?

Specs: Kennyon taught it to me.  She says it's a camp song.  I like it cause it's about Jell-o.

*The two superhero's come up to a bridge that a troll is guarding.  Yes this is all in Timmy's room.  If you don't think it's possible then a wizard did it.  So if you ever notice a glitch, a wizard did it.*

Troll: Halt! Who goes there!

Specs: It is I, Moustached Man and my comrade Duct Tape Guy.  We wish to cross your bridge.

Dutchy: Please?

Troll: Before you pass you must answer my riddle.

Specs: oh I love riddles!

Dutchy: Shut up Specs.

Troll: A woman has 7 children, one half of them are boys.  How is this possible?

Dutchy: Hmmm. . . .

Specs: That's easy.  They're all boys.  

Dutchy: Wow, Specs! I'm proud.

Troll.  Very good.  But can you answer this one.  How many letters are in the alphabet?

Specs: Eleven! T.H.E.  A.L.P.H.A.B.E.T!

Troll: Very good.

Dutchy: I was going to say 26.

Troll: Hmmm. . . . 

Specs: Look I have answered two of your stupid riddles.  Can we go now?

Troll: Yes. Off with you.  But I must warn you . . . what lies on the other side of that bridge may terrify you.

Dutchy: What ever you say dude.

*The two superheroes begin to walk across the bridge.*

Troll: Remember. . . .Beware!

Specs: I think his brain is. . . Oh my!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Dutchy: What is it . . . .?AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

KENNYON AND SPAZ . . . 

Kennyon: Ha I won!  I won!

Spaz: How is that possible? I am pro at that game!

Kennyon: Well so am I apparently.

Spaz: How about best two out of three?

SUPERHEROES. . . 

Specs: He didn't say it was going to be this.

Dutchy: Oh my eyes!  My virgin eyes!

Specs: PPffft, yeah right.

Dutchy: That is just wrong!

Specs: No kidding.

*In front of our two superhero boys is a bunch of green garden gnomes dancing.  Their leader is . ....Les!  This isn't good.*

Specs: Well maybe we can sneak past without them. . . 

Les: DUTCHY! SPECS!  What are you two doing here?  Did you come to join my dance class?

Specs: . . . seeing us.

Les: Oh this is great!  Everyone I would like you to meet two of my good friends.  This is Specs and this is Dutchy. They have come to join my dance class.

Dutchy: Actually Les we are looking for Kennyon and Spaz.

Les: Nonsense.  You two can join my dance class.  Specs stand here.  Nice spandex by the way.  And Dutchy you over there.  Oh and one more thing.  If you try to escape, the green garden gnomes will come after you throwing large quantities of Crayola Crayons.   And they will be unsharpened.

Specs: Oh no!

Dutchy: How will we get out of this one?

*Will our two superheroes make it out of the Dance class from Hades? Will they rescue Kennyon and Spaz? Find out on the next episode of the adventures of Moustached Man and Duct Tape Guy.*

Spot: Woo hoo! Next Episode hurry.

Lily: Spot, I think we all need a bathroom break.

Mush: No kidding.  Al right everyone.  Ten minute bathroom break. 

*All the newsies stand and head to the bathrooms.  Sureshot approaches Jack.*

Sureshot: Um. . . Jack?

Jack: Oh hi Sureshot!  

Sureshot: I have been thinking and. . . . I will be your girl.

Jack: Really?! That's great.  You are a heck of a lot better than Sarah.

Sureshot: Yeah she scared me somewhat.

Jack: Oh wonderful.  Well you can sit with me when we get back.

Sureshot: Okay.  That will be great.

*Everyone heads out to the bathrooms and the lights fade*


	21. Kennyon's Note

Hey Everyone!  It's Kennyon with a note from the author.  Yay!  We love typing these things.  I get carried away all the time with these.  So I wanted to tell you sorry about the large update gap.  I wish I could have gotten that chapter up sooner, but my internet died.  But the wonderful folks at the computer doctor fixed it.  So now I'm here and I'm ready to keep going.  I should blast out another chapter really really really soon.  But first. . . My review meter is getting low.  And I have just been notified that unless it is filled, I won't be able to type any more chapters.  So hurry my friends.  Hurry!  Please.  I beg you!

Oh that reminds me.  I had the coolest thing happen to me.  I was in this parade this last week and I marched a full 3 miles and it was cool.  No that isn't all.  So I saw these guys and a couple of girls, walking along the parade route, dressed as, what else, newsies!  So I found out that for the parade this guy hires a bunch of kids and they sell the local newspapers for two bits.  (A quarter, if ya didn't know)  I was so dang jealous.  So at the end of the parade, at the party thing, I met like four of them and I got to talking to them.  I asked them what they thought of it and they told me they loved it.  I became friends with a few of them and at the end they were like, 

"You wanna be a newsie with us next year?" 

"Well DUH!" I told them.

So they got me the number of the guy who does it and I called him and next year I am going to be a newsie! I get to use my accent and dress as a newsie and do all that stuff.  And they will assign me a partner. (A boy dressed as a newsie, how can you not love it?)  It is going to be so much fun!  I'm so excited.  Well all, I better end this. 

Don't you love my exciting news?  Well there, I'm done talking.  I love you all!

~Kennyon.

P.S.  You can thank Spaz for the wonderful Superhero song!  We love you Spaz!


	22. Attention Attention

**Attention!  Attention!**

Due to situations out of Kennyon's control there will not be another update until Monday, August 4th.  She will be forced into the wilderness to hike almost 15 miles.  Don't worry; she will be coming up with ideas while she is up there in the mountains of Utah.  Please do not panic.  She will post immediately when she arrives home.  Today she was in the process of writing a chapter, but she was also packing, sewing bloomers, a bonnet and an apron.  She was also cooking dinner for her family and keeping her brother entertained.  The consequences of these things were that the chapter was not finished and Kennyon was unsatisfied with what she had, so she decided not to post it.  She wants to give her readers the best she can, and that wasn't the best it could be.  But there will be surprises and if you are worried about Duct Tape Guy and Moustached Man, in the dance class given by the spawn of Satan himself, don't worry.  Again please do not panic.  I know some of you will want to throw yourself over the side of cliffs and large ocean liners.  The professionals advise against this!  It is hazardous to your health.  Just ask Spaz.  Also poisonous overdoses are not good for you.  They will result in regrets.  Thank you.  Kennyon will return on Monday August the fourth.  She loves you and will miss you.  She is thinking of you as she hikes up that mountain.  A note for all of you, if Kennyon gets 10 reviews just for this note, she will send you all a newsie in the mail.  (Not really but you get the picture, she will be grateful and she will post a lot.)  Thank you again.  Remember 10 reviews, and yes Spaz you can, under anonymous reviews, send more than one.  She loves and misses you.  Thank you.

***Specs steps down from his podium and leaves the Kennyon Comedy Hour Studio.  He shuts off the lights and posts a sign on the door that says "Will return Monday August 4th."  Specs looks at it once more and walks off***


	23. Kennyon's Back To Save The Day

*Welcome back to Kennyon's Comedy Hour!  She survived hiking up that mountain.  She survived that agonizing 13 miles, more than half of which was uphill.  She survived the devastating heat, and the millions of bugs!  She survived the grasshoppers and the Mormon crickets. (If you don't know what they are, they are huge black crickets that make funny noises and can get up to almost 4 inches in length, not something you want on you while you sleep, although one of the boys ate one for ten bucks)  She survived the hot boys around her all in period clothing, pushing and pulling and walking, and pulling off their shirts when it got too hot. . . .Okay maybe that part wasn't that bad. But Kennyon survived.  Now we are back.  She only got I think 6 reviews so we are shunning Spaz momentarily for not reviewing four more times. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Moment of shunning is over.  So I hope you all know what happened last chapter.  Well here we go!*

Spot: Okay, is everyone . . . ahem . . . relieved?

Shot: Yes we are all finished in the restroom.  Hey Jack let's sit over here.

Jack: Okay.

Bumlets: WAIT!

Jack: What is it Bumlets?

Bumlets: Don't you all remember what yesterday was?

Blink: Oh, I do!

Agua: Oh I'm so proud of you Blink!  What was it?

Blink: *whispers something to Agua.*

Agua: Oh yeah! I remember now. What are you guys going to do?

Bumlets: Well I thought that we could *whispers something to everyone.*

Delphie: She's coming!  Hurry boys!

*The newsies all run into formation and get ready to do something special.  Katie comes walking out of stage left.  When she reaches center stage the newsies start.*

Newsies.  Happy Birthday to you!

Bumlets: Wooo!

Newsies: Happy Birthday to you!

Bumlets: Woooo!

Newsies: Happy Birthday to Katie. . . .

Bumlets: I love you!

Newsies: Happy Birthday to you!

Bumlets: Woooo!

Jack: One, two three four. Hit it!

Mush, Jack and Spot: Happy Happy birthday from all of us to you!

                                    We wish it was our birthday so we could too!  Hey!

*Katie looks around beaming as Bumlets carries out a cake with "Happy Birthday Katie" and 17 candles on it.*

Bumlets: This was originally Kennyon's idea.  We wished she could have been here, but you know what happened.  So go ahead, she'd want you to blow out your candles.

Katie: Oh Yay!  Hmmm. . . . what should I wish for. . . .Oh I know!

*Katie blows out the candles and Delphie takes the cake to be cut.  All the newsies cheer, they get cake while watching a superhero movie.*

Katie: Thank you guys.  And when Specs rescues Kennyon she will get a big hug for this!  Okay everyone, let's watch the adventures of Moustached Man and Duct Tape Guy.

*Everyone pulls up a bean bag chair as the cake is passed out.  Katie sits down with Bumlets next to her.*

Katie: Thank you for this.

Bumlets: Of course.  It's all for you!  

Katie: So what did you get me?

Bumlets: Nope, I'm not going to ruin the surprise.

Katie: What surprise?

Bumlets: Kennyon made us promise we wouldn't give you your presents unless she was around.

Katie: She did, did she?  That's okay.  I will get it out of Mush later.

Bumlets: We already planned ahead for that.  Spot and Blink found some of Spaz's Duct tape and his mouth is shut.

*Bumlets points to Mush whose hands are duct taped behind his back and whose mouth is duct taped shut*

Katie: Oh for the love of Sponge Cake.

Spot: Can we start turn on the cameras yet?  I want to know what's happened.  Are Specs and Dutchy still alive? Did Les hurt them?  I would die in that dance class.  Oh, did Kennyon and Spaz get rescued?  I want to know these things!

*Fine Spot we will start.  So you can just shut up and eat your cake.  I'll just flip on the camera here. . . .And we can start.*

KENNYON AND SPAZ. . . .

*We see Kennyon asleep in the cage.  Spaz is on the other side of the cage plotting how to get back at Kennyon for winning all those card games.*

Spaz: Eureka!

Will: What?

Spaz: I figured out how to get back at her.  You see Kennyon has this fear. . . 

Bill: What fear?

Will: What are you going to do?

Spaz: First I need you two. . . *she whispers something to the two gnomes and they run off.  She looks at Kennyon and laughs evilly at her.*  Muah ha ha ha. . . .Cough. . . .Hack. . . GET ME SOME WATER TOO!

SPECS AND DUTCHY. . . 

Specs: Hey man you. . . .Huff. . . .Okay over. . . puff. . . there?

Dutchy: I'm. . . .Breathe. . . .Surviving.

*The two heroes of our tale are still stuck in the evil dance class.*

Les:  Step one. . . .kick kick kick. . . .And shimmy left. . . .Grapevine right. . . .And do see do!

Specs: His. . . .Dance. . . moves don't even. . . .Make sense!

Dutchy:  I know what you mean. . . .Even Spaz. . . doesn't dance this funny!  

Specs: Well. . . .I am trying. . . to find a way out. . . .But I can' t see one.

Dutchy: Keep trying.  If even one of us can get free. . . .It would be better.

Specs: Yeah.

Les: Up, down, jump jump jump.  Kick , flash your arms, pelvic thrust.  Karate chop.  Shake your head.

SPAZ AND KENNYON. . . 

*Kennyon is still asleep but Spaz is in the corner working on her master plan.*

Spaz: Ok, guys.  Just a few more tweaks. . . .And there.  Done!

*Spaz pulls what she was working on from behind her.  It's a pink Barbie jeep.  She pulls out the remote control and turns it on.  She slowly drives it towards Kennyon.  When it's a few feet away she honks the horn and Kennyon jumps.*

Kennyon: Holy Hannah!  

*Kennyon moves away until she realizes that Spaz is controlling it.*

Kennyon: Spaz that wasn't funny!  I can't believe you did that!  

*Kennyon throws a tantrum and paces around the cage.  Eventually she grabs hold of the cage door and with her magical powers of being the author opens it and storms away.*

Will: Hey, how'd she do that?

Bill: I don't know but if you let her get away Gork will be angry!

*The gnomes shut the door before Spaz can climb out and run after Kennyon.*

Spaz: Oh great.  Now, I'm going to have to be a prisoner alone.  Gosh darn mother of soup.

RUNNING AFTER KENNYON. . . 

Kennyon: *thinking* what a day!  First Specs almost gets tortured by those boys of mine, then I get kidnapped and held in a cage by gnomes, then Spaz betrays me with a scary Barbie car!  How dare she.  Well I'm getting sick of that cage.  I missed Katie's birthday.  Time to find Specs and apologize.  Then send Dutchy to get Spaz.  Then Gork can get a mouthful.  That boy has been bad.

*For your information Gork is Timmy.  He is called Gork because that is the sound he makes when he sleeps.  We haven't seen Timmy in a while you know that?  Hmmm. . . I wonder where he is?*

TIMMY. . . .

Timmy: Rubber Duckie. . . you're the one!

              You make bath time so much fun!

               Rubber Duckie I am awfully fond of you! 

*Timmy is bathing in his bathroom in the opposite corner of his room as Spaz. But enough of that.  How are our fearless leaders going?*

SPECS AND DUTCHY. . . 

Dutchy: I think I can escape. . . .Specs!

Specs: Then go for. . . it Dutchy!

*Dutchy runs off and he keeps running away till the dance class is out of sight.  He continues to run until he hits something that immediately falls to the ground when he hits it.*

Kennyon: Owe!  Dutchy that really. . . .Dutchy?

Dutchy: Kennyon!?  Kennyon!  Boy am I glad to see you.  How did you get out?

Kennyon: Dutchy I am the author.  I can do whatever I want.

Dutchy: Like what?

Kennyon: Well if I really wanted, you would be my newsie and not Spaz's.  But I don't like you that way, and I love Spaz too much to do that to her.  And I love Specs.  He's been my muse for nearly two years now.

Dutchy: Well that doesn't help.  Show me something here and now proving that you are the all powerful author you say you are.  

Kennyon: Hmm. . . .like what?

Dutchy: I could really go for a grilled cheese sandwich.  OH and if it was one that Skittery made that would be great.

Kennyon: Skittery makes the best grilled cheese sandwiches, doesn't he.  All thanks to Spaz.  I'm glad I loaned her Skittery.

Dutchy: What about my sandwich?

Kennyon: Rrrr. . . .greedy aren't we?  Ok, SKITTERY!

*Skittery suddenly appears out of nowhere with a grilled cheese sandwich.*

Skittery: What am I doing here?  Oh here you go Dutchy.  I made this for you.

Kennyon: Thanks Skitts, see ya later!

*Skittery disappears and Dutchy begins to munch on his sandwich.*

Dutchy: This is good.  Ok I believe you Kennyon.  But why didn't you bring Spaz with you?

Kennyon: Because you have to go rescue her.  She's back that way.  The gnomes have all left their posts so you can just get her out.  So go now! 

*Kennyon pushes Dutchy off who just finished his sandwich.  Kennyon heads off towards the evil dance class.*

DUTCHY. . . 

*He is running and he can see the cage.  He darts towards it where Spaz is waiting impatiently*

Dutchy: Spaz!

*She looks up and see's him coming.  She gets excited and waits for him to get to the cage.*

Spaz: Dutchy! Yay!  Kennyon left me stranded alone but you found me!

Dutchy: Actually Kennyon was the one who pushed me to get here for you.

Spaz: Really?  Wow, I'm proud of that girl.  Well get me out of here and lets go find her.  We still have a present to give Katie.

Dutchy: I know.  Kennyon has been planning this forever.

Spaz: Well lets go before those gnomes get back.

*Spaz and Dutchy work on the lock and get Spaz out.  They begin to run to where Specs was. *

SPECS. . . 

Les: and you jump now hold your knee and hop hop hop!  Good.  I'm proud.  Now wave your arms all around.

Specs: *thinking* I can' t make it much longer.  But Les hasn't taken his eyes off of me all night.  I must save Kennyon though.  She is my world.

Kennyon: Psssttt. . . 

Specs: *looking where that came from.* Kennyon!  How'd you get. . . 

Kennyon: I already explained to Dutchy.  I'm the author.  I can do whatever the fudge monkies I want.  Now, you can leave the dance class.  I'm going to deal with Les.  

*Specs stops dancing and begins to walk off.*

Kennyon: And Specs, you're my world too.

*Specs smiles before running out of sight of Kennyon.  But he can still see her.  He wants to see her yell at Les.*

Les: HEY SPECS YOU CAN'T LEAVE. . . .UH OH!

*Les tries to run off but is stopped by Kennyon who has grabbed his shoulder.  The gnomes all disappear into the unknowns of Timmy's room*

Kennyon: Alright you little brat.  What is the meaning of this dance class?  You know I told you not to make one of these!

Les: Owe. . . .Let go your hurting me!

Kennyon: Oh, I am not.  You are such a little brat.  Now sit down.

*Kennyon sits Les down on the ground then still holding his shoulders, she sits down next to him.*

Kennyon: Now why did you form it?

Les: Because I didn't think you would catch me in here.

Kennyon: Oh yeah. . . yeah. . . your starting to sound like David.  A walking mouth.  Only you don't got a brain.  Did you know, that if you were your real age, according to when newsies was made you would be 23?  
Les: So. . . 

Kennyon: So I think you need some growing up.  I'm sending you to the magical growing up boot camp of the tired Authors of Newsies.

Les: What you can't do that!

Kennyon: I can and I will.  So when I count to 6 and ¾ you will go to the magical growing up boot camp of the tired authors of newsies, so I don't have to type about your character for a while and I can rid my set of your evil dancing.    When you come back you will be 23, the same age as the real Luke Edwards.  Just so your grown up.  Then when you come back.  I don't know when, you can help with the sets. 

Les: NOOOOOOOOO. . . .I don't want to grow up!

Kennyon: 1. . . .2. . . .3. . . .4. . . 5. . . 6. . . 6.45. . . 6.59. . . 6.63. . . 6.68. . . 6.75!

PING!

*Les disappears and Kennyon stands.  She heads over to where Specs is and she links arms with him*

Specs: Why'd you do that?

Kennyon: An author can only handle so many characters when she's sick.

Specs: Your sick?

Kennyon: Yeah you remember that hike I went on?

Specs: yes.  I did announce it.

Kennyon: Well I stupidly went up with stomach flu, then ate some bad chicken and now I'm really sick.  Well the me that's typing is, but its leaking into me and I can't keep any food down.

Specs: Oh Kennyon!  I' m so sorry!  As soon as we get out of here and you yell at Timmy and we give Katie her surprise you will get all star treatment from the newsies.  We will send all the girls to get you medicine and stuff like that and all your boys will be your doctors.

Kennyon: Oh thank you Specs.  You are the best!

Specs: Um. . . I really don't want to walk through this mess again. Can you. . . 

Kennyon: Sure, and I'll get Dutchy and Spaz too.

*The four people are suddenly at the door to Timmy's room and walking out to the main stage.  All of the newsies rush forward towards Kennyon and help her sit.  Spaz and Katie sit next to her asking if she is alright.*

Kennyon: I'll be fine for a while.  I need Timmy.  I am going to yell his pea sized brain out.

*Timmy comes walking out carrying his rubber duckie, wearing a bathrobe and holding a towel.*

Kennyon: Timmy get over here.

Timmy: It's not Timmy.  I prefer Gork.Kennyon: I don't care if you prefer Oompa Loompa.  Get over here!

*Timmy walks over to Kennyon and stands in front of her.*

Timmy: Yeah?

Kennyon: I want you to clean that room right away, and return all of those vile Green Garden Gnomes to the place you got them before they make more buttons.  And if your room isn't clean by the time Les gets back, I am firing you from my show.

Timmy: You wouldn't dare!

Kennyon: Oh do not push me right now.  Now go you over sized G.I. Joe victim.

Timmy: Fine! I'm going. 

*Timmy Saunders off towards his room and out of sight.*

Kennyon: Now for Katies Surprise.

Katie: Yay surprises for me.  What is it?

Kennyon: Well, all the boys thought that you should get something special so we made you this.

*Kennyon holds up a big box that reads "Your Very Own Newsie Kit"*

Kennyon: Inside here, is a life size replica of every newsie, cept of course Bumlets who you already have, the DVD, the soundtrack and I should mention that every newsie is fully possible and they will answer to your bidding.  They would be happy to be your muses, your footstools and your personal masseuses.  I hope you like your present.  

Katie: Oh I do!  Thank you!

Kennyon: Now I need some sleep. . . I don't feel very good.

Specs: Alright. . . I need all the newsies in lab coats, a huge bed, Dutchy you handle that, I need the ladies to get medicine, and the only girls aloud to stay at this moment (for the sake of typing) are Spaz and Katie.   Boys get ready.  Our girl Kennyon needs us!

Kennyon: Thanks boys. . . 

*Dutchy rolls in the king size bed laden with pillows just in time for Kennyon to fall on it.  She falls asleep and all the newsies get ready to play doctor.  Katie and Spaz grab all their equipment.  They will lead the expedition to make Kennyon better.*

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Sorry all for the kind of short chapter.  The fact is I really am sick.  Just ask Katie.  As I was typing this I threw up maybe four or five times and water is just shooting through me.  So the next chapter will be about my hurtful aches.  And my maladies and we are going to see if the newsies can cure me.  And Spaz I am disappointed in you about the review thing.  But if I get "Get well soon" reviews from all of you I will forgive you.  Oh you know what would also make my day. . . if you addressed an anonymous "get well soon" review from your newsie or a different newsie I would love you forever.  I love you Katie!  Happy Birthday.  I wish I really could give you that present.  Tanks muches.  I love you lots.  And if anything sounds delusional in this chapter. . . you know why. Love you all.

~Kennyon


	24. Dream Sequence

*Kennyon fell on the bed and went to sleep immediately*

Kennyon: Okay . . . where am I now?

*Kennyon looks around and finds her self in a white room with smoke all around.  Then Mush comes walking out of the mist wearing a baby blue suit with ruffles and frills on the shirt.  It has a matching blue bow tie and it looks like he is going to prom in the fifties.*

Mush: Hiya Kennyon!

Kennyon: Why are you talking like Katie . . .? 

Mush: I don't know.  I felt like saying Hiya.  

Kennyon: o. . . k. . . .Where am I?

Mush: Not really sure what this place is called...

Kennyon: Well it needs a name.  Hmmm . . .  How about Kleenex Town?

*Kennyon names the place and a sign above her head flashes "Kleenex Town."*

Kennyon: That was fast.  

Mush: Yeah it was, Hey do you wanna go for a walk.

Kennyon: Sure, haven't got anything better to do.

*The two friends begin to walk and they come upon a bath tub filled with grape kool aid.  Dutchy is in it swimming around.  Bumlets and Blink are sitting on the other side sipping on juice in champaigne glasses.  For your information and the sake of the rating and my own standards, they are all wearing bathing suits.  Dutchy's is green.   Bumlets' is orange. And Blink's is neon yellow.*

Dutchy: Rub a Dub Dub three newsies in a kool aid filled tub.

Kennyon: What are you three doing?

Bumlets: Enjoying the warm day.

*Kennyon looks around to see that there are snow clouds everywhere around but there is a little bit of sunlight on the tub.*

Kennyon: Oh. . . K?

Blink: It is rather nice.  Mush are you interested in joining us?  The grape is yummy. 

Mush: Nah. . . gotta show Kennyon around this new place.

*Mush and Kennyon begin to walk again away from the tub but they can hear the three begin to sing "I'm not crazy" by Matchbox 20. Kennyon begins to here humming sounds ahead of her like someone going OMMM OMMM*

Kennyon: I'm getting more confused by the moment.

Spaz: The question is 'when were you not confused Kennyon?'

*Spaz is sitting on a large mushroom in a yoga position wearing huge glasses made of duct tape, a dress made of duct tape and a long cape made out of, you guessed it, duct tape.*

Kennyon: Spaz?  What are you doing?

Spaz: I am not Spaz.  I am Zaps the zapping zapperina.

Kennyon: Ok Zaps.  Why are you on a mushroom like that?

Zaps: I am a guru of duct tape.  I give people advise on what they should do in life.

Kennyon: I know what I want to do.  That's run my show and get out of this place!

Zaps: Wow. . . I've never met anyone who knew what they wanted to do before.  My whole life is in vain.

Mush: Come on Kennyon. . . It's best we let her sulk alone.

Kennyon: Will she get over it?

*Mush nods and Zaps begins crying.  She suddenly stops and goes back to going Ommm Ommm. . . *

Mush: OH look a parade!

Kennyon: Where? I love parades!

*Suddenly out of nowhere a bunch of newsies begin to walk past and they were all wearing cheer outfits.*

David: Ra Ra Ra! Shish boom ba! I'm a newsie yes I am!  I'm a newsie um. . . Dang I hate to rhyme.

Jack: Watch me do the splits.

Snitch: Who wants to make a pyramid?

*All the newsies jumped at that and began to climb into pyramid formation. Kennyon watched in confusion as Mush ran to join them.  They climbed higher and suddenly out of nowhere Mush was wearing a cheerleader outfit too.*

Kennyon: What is going on?

*The pyramid turned around and slowly so slowly Specs crawled to the top.  They were all about to fall when Kennyon heard someone speak.*

Sami: Stop stop stop!

Kennyon: Who are you?

Sami: I'm Sami. You may think that this is a dream.  I would too.  But unfortunately since you are sick, the newsies decided to play a prank on you.  

*Sami turned towards the new..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEGS!

. . . sies and yelled at them.*

Sami: Okay boys get down.  Down down. . . 

*Kennyon suddenly sat up in bed and screamed.

Specs: You ok Kennyon?

Kennyon: Yeah just had a bad dream.  

*She climbed out of the bed and began to walk around.  She felt a lot better.  Then she spotted that Sami girl standing next to Katie and Spaz talking to them.*

Kennyon: Sami!

Sami: Oh guys look Kennyon's awake!  Are you feeling better?  I hope you are.

Kennyon: Oh much.  But how did I get better that fast?

Sami: I gave you some medicine when you slept.  I gave you a shot to the arm.  It made you better quick.

Kennyon: Are you a doctor?

Sami: Well to the newsies I am.

Kennyon: how come I've never seen you before?

Sami: I dunno.  It's your show.  You explain it.

Spaz: Sami is really nice.

Katie: Can she stay?

Kennyon: Of course.  And for making me all better you can have a free date with any newsie of your choice.

Sami: Really?

Kennyon: As long as I can film it and use it for the next chapter.

Sami: Okay.  Hmmm. . . .Heya Mush!

*Mush comes running over and Sami jumps on his back.*

Sami: You and me dating?  You understand?

Mush: Perfectly.

*Mush and Sami leave and Kennyon grabs her camera and follows them out.*

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

A/N: Sorry it took so long for me to update.  And sorry for so short.  I am getting ready for school to start and life for me is hectic.  Oh all of my readers please go read the story by Newsgoils.  It is a story written with the combined talents of Spaz, Katie and ME!! It's funny.  Go read it now.  If all of my readers read that story and review for me I will send you imaginary cookies in the mail.  And wish Legs happy birthday.  I don't know how old she will be I think she is 17.  Well love you.  I love Sami!  FYI Sami is UndercoverNewsie.  She's great.  Ok . . . next chapter I get to exploit Sami and Mush! Mwah ha ha ha ha ha!


	25. Bedtime Bricks

Hey there all, I was hit with an idea last night and it really hurt.  Specially when Specs wrote it on a rock then threw it at me.  So before I move on to the exposure of Mush's and Sami's date. . . I have a commercial for you!  I know you hate them, but this one should be funny.  So on we move.  And expect a long complicate A/N from my life at the end of this.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

*We enter a bedroom to see a bed on the floor with two pairs of legs kicking and flailing underneath the bed.  It seems two people are stuck underneath the bed.  Kennyon walks on through the door and shakes her head at the sight.*

Kennyon: Look at this sight.  Has this ever happened to you ladies?  Have you ever sent your newsie under your bed to clean and he gets stuck?  Well that happened to me. . . .

~Flashback~

Kennyon: Specs!  Can you clean under the bed?

Specs: Sure thing. . . 

*Specs runs to the room and climbs under the bed.  He cleans it out and tries to get out*

Specs: Um. . . Kennyon?

Kennyon: What is it?

Specs: I'm stuck.

*Mush walks into the room and laughs at Specs*

Mush: That's cause you are so fat!

Kennyon: He's not fat! 

Mush: Well then why can't you get out, I could get out.

Specs: Prove it Mush.

Mush: Ok.

*Mush climbs under the bed and begins to wiggle.*

Kennyon: Well?  Aren't you coming out?

Mush: I can't.

Kennyon: And why not?

Mush: I'm stuck.

~End of Flashback~

*We cut back to Kennyon who is still standing in front of the bed with the boys behind her stuck*

Kennyon: Well after that happened I began to think.  Wouldn't it be good if there was more room under the bed?

*Kennyon stops to think*

Kennyon: And yes . . . yes it would be.  That is why I have invented this. . . 

*Kennyon holds up a bag with four bricks in it.*

Kennyon: These are Bedtime Bricks.  Just stick these under the four posts of your bed giving your newsies another four inches to squeeze in and out of.

Specs: That's a great invention Kennyon, but how are we supposed to get out?

Kennyon: Er. . . um. . . you guys? Well I don't know. . . .

Mush: Well than your invention doesn't work very well does it. . . 

Specs: Yeah it's just a load of. . . 

*The screen flashes to a picture of Bedtime Bricks and Kennyon's voice is heard.*

Kennyon: Get your Bedtime Bricks now for only $19.95.  Not sold in stores.  

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Hey there all.  This is the really swamped Kennyon at your service.  Sorry I haven't updated in so long but I have just started school and have been extremely busy with homework (already) and my . . . well lets call it my issues.  I have finally been able to find some time (between writing two essays) to write a chapter.  I must inform you that in the coming weeks I will get even more busy.  But I will try to post as often as I can because I love you guys oh so much.  (Reviews motivate me *wink*)  So how about a few stories from my own life . . . hmmm . . . what's a good one? OH!

So I go to the first day of school and I wander around and see all my classes and stuff and I run into this cute boy.  Austin.  Well he's in my math class and we get to talking to each other.  I talk to him about stuff and I got bored and started drawing on his back.  I started to write some stuff and I wrote the first verse to Carryin' Da Banner on his back.  He asked what I was writing and I told him.  And he started singing it!  This boy knew that song as well as I do, and I know it pretty well.  He sang all the way up to the second chorus.  I applauded him and gave him a hug and he told me that he loves Newsies.  I was so happy.  (Specs was happy too).  So I asked who his favorite newsie was and he told me that he didn't have one, so I talked to him about Specs and all that.  And he told me that he is going to be a newsie for Halloween.  I like freaked out and told him I was too.  So he is going to be my sellin' partner and we are going to have a great time.  So that's my story.  

I love you guys.  Send me reviews and send me stories from your lives.  I like hearing those.   They give me ideas. . . I really don't like this song. . . .oops. . . I was typing what I was thinking.  Well love ya!


	26. Sami and Mushies Date

*We open the scene seeing Sami in a gorgeous green dress being escorted by Mush, in a tux, into a gorgeous restaurant. They just got out of a limo and are heading into the restaurant. It's a beautiful evening and the sun is beginning to set. The candles are being lit and couples are entering. Mush wraps his arm around Sami's shoulders and escorts her into the restaurant.*  
  
Kennyon: Ok, Here we are scouting out the date of my girl Sami and my Mushie. They are eating at Les conserves au vinaigre et les Oignons and we are going to get all the footage. Specs was going to escort me tonight. But although we were successful getting Mush out from under that bed, we had to order more Vaseline for Specs. So here we go.  
  
*Kennyon looks into her camera and then puts it in front of her and follows Sami and Mush through the doors.*  
  
Concierge: Excuze me miz, but are you on ze guest leest?  
  
Kennyon: Do you know who I am? I don't need to be on any guest list!  
  
Concierge: I'm sooo soory but I can not admeet any vone vithout zeme being on zee leest. It is my jhob.  
  
Kennyon: But I am the star of an international TV phenomenon!  
  
Concierge: Vell, I am French vat do you zink I can do. Zere is more prejudice against me vright now zen Sarah Jhacobs at a Newsies Fan Fiction convention.  
  
Kennyon: Tell you what I will slip you a twenty?  
  
*Kennyon holds up a bill and flashes it in front of the French man's face.*  
  
Concierge: Zat vould be a vone dollar bill mizz.  
  
Kennyon: *looks at bill* Oh, *takes out another bill* How bout this?  
  
Concierge: Vone Hundred Dollarz! Alvright. Vright zis vay mizz.  
  
Kennyon: *to camera* A little bit of misunderstanding there, but we got it all sorted out, now lets go see what Mush and Sami are up to.  
  
*Kennyon goes into the restaurant being led by the French man with the outrageous accent. She is taken to a table across from Sami and Mush. She puts the camera on them and begins to watch.*  
  
Kennyon: Alright here we are at the date. . . .  
  
Mush: So, er. . . .I'm glad we got to do this.  
  
Sami: Yeah me too. I mean Kennyon was a little smart in getting us to go out.  
  
Mush: Yeah she was. So what are you interested in. . . ?  
  
Sami: Well I am interested in. . .  
  
Waiter: What can I start you off with this evening?  
  
Mush: I will have a water and Sami?  
  
Sami: Water with Lemon.  
  
Kennyon: *shouting over* Excuse me but your blocking my view Mr. Waiter man!  
  
Waiter: *Looking at Kennyon* This is my work space miss and I have the right. . .  
  
Kennyon: Yeah, uh huh, heard it. Could you move your derriere now? Spanks dude.  
  
Mush: Anyway.  
  
Sami: I like Newsies, my favorite TV show would have to be Kennyon's Comedy Hour. No doubt.  
  
Mush: Aahhh, do you like it because I'm on it.  
  
Sami: Oh yes Mush. You sexy beast you.  
  
Kennyon: Specs is a sexy beast! Sexy Specsy he is!  
  
Sami: *rolls eyes at Kennyon* I like grapes,  
  
Mush: I love grapes!  
  
Kennyon: Ugh I hate grapes!  
  
Sami: I also like to hang out with friends and do fun stuff.  
  
Mush: Fun stuff is cool.  
  
Kennyon: No I will not eat that roasted lamb! *looking back at Sami and Mush* Sorry guys continue. *back to her waitress* NO!!!!!!!  
  
Mush: *scooting to the side away from Kennyon a little* so, how long have you been watching Kennyon's?  
  
Sami: Oh since the very beginning. I have loved it all the way.  
  
*Kennyon is sitting at her table arguing with her waitress while her camera is running. Mush asks Sami some more questions and they seem to be having a good time. Eventually the waitress leaves and Kennyon goes back to being obnoxious.*  
  
Kennyon: *to camera* Ok, well they have ordered their main dishes, and I have gone through an entire bread basket and I don't know where that chick is with my light salad, no dressing, and shrimp bake. But um, Mushie ordered a steak, and Sami ordered a chicken salad with light ranch dressing. I guess what they ordered is really irrelevant. . . .OH MY IS THAT A GGG???????  
  
*At the front of the restaurant a group of GGG's have entered. They are carrying a disheveled Timmy on their shoulders and looking around angrily for Kennyon.*  
  
Mush: Maybe we should distract them from Kennyon?  
  
Sami: Pssss. . . .They aren't our problem, 'sides Kennyon can handle them herself.  
  
*Sami and Mush go back to their dinner and Kennyon tries to hide herself behind a menu.*  
  
GGG1: There she is!  
  
*Guess that didn't work*  
  
Kennyon: Uh oh. Where's Spaz when you need her?  
  
*Kennyon gets up and walks around her table, keeping her camera running.*  
  
Kennyon: Fine Timmy if you want me come and get me!  
  
Timmy: Get her you worthless pack of wolves!  
  
*Suddenly out of nowhere Katie and Spaz come bursting through the wall wearing their Spazzercizing suits. Hold for audience applause and cheers.*  
  
Audience: *members whisper to each other and scattered applause is given.*  
  
Spaz: We're here for you Kennyon!!  
  
Katie: Fire!!! What can I light on Fire???  
  
*Kennyon gets up and suddenly has her spazzercisin suit on.*  
  
Kennyon: Are you thinking what I'm thinking guys?  
  
Katie: I think so Kennyon, but where are we going to find 500 dolphins that will willingly donate their services for the Operatic ballet?  
  
Spaz: The ballast water groups of America!  
  
*We must apologize at this moment for the previous joke and any other joke Kennyon throws in from her debate class. We are sorry. If you want to know what ballast water is, research it.*  
  
Kennyon: No, no, no, NO! I think we should charge all the GGG's at once, using fantastic comic moves with onomonopia.  
  
*The three girls nod at each other and go running at the gnomes screaming, "This is for the Newsies!" At the top of their lungs.*  
  
Timmy: *In a very stereotypical fruity voice.* Get them boys.  
  
*The GGG's run at the girls waving their arms around their heads and saying "Oooogggaaa Boooggaaaa" for no reason at all.*  
  
Kennyon: Take that you little jerk.  
  
POW!!!!  
  
Spaz: Hiiiiiyaaa!  
  
BANG!!!!!  
  
Katie: FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
BURN BABY BURN!!!!!!  
  
*Katie pulls out her lighter and lights one of the table cloths on fire. It immediately goes up in flames and begins to burn. The fire becomes uncontrolled quickly. All the visitors of Les conserves au vinaigre et les Oignons flee in panic.*  
  
Mush: *running out of the restaurant* Never a dull moment with Kennyon.  
  
Sami: No kidding.  
  
*The sprinklers come on and Katie and Spaz and Kennyon grab the camera and run out of the restaurant.*  
  
Kennyon: Katie did you really have to be a pyro at that moment?  
  
Katie: It's the only thing I can do really well.  
  
Spaz: You must admit that the flames are very pretty.  
  
*The three girls turn back to the burning building and stare at the pretty fire.*  
  
Kennyon and Spaz and Katie: OOOOOOOOOO. . . . . . . . . . . . AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
*They stop staring and go running farther out into the street.*  
  
Kennyon: *to camera* Well that date went better than I thought. The last couple I set up ended up being shipped to Djibouti by UPS and didn't show up again till three years later. Don't ask how that happened. I think Mush and Sami are going to be together were quite amazing.  
  
*We see Mush putting his coat around Sami as he walks her home.*  
  
Mush: That was fun.  
  
Sami: Besides the current interruptions from Kennyon and the fire, yeah it was fun.  
  
Mush: It was awesome wasn't it. Well I better let you go.  
  
*Mush kisses Sami on the cheek and walks back to the studio.*  
  
Sami: Bye Mush.  
  
*Cue the cheesy ending and the cheesy romantic music.*  
  
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Kennyon: BLECK!!!! Are you kidding! This is me we are talking about! This is my show we are talking about! There is some more interesting things we can talk about. Like what the newsies are doing back at my studio while I am away. Wait, Spaz is here, Katie is here. NO ONE IS WATCHING THE STUDIO BUT THE NEWSIES!  
  
*Kennyon goes running towards the studio with Spaz and Katie behind her.*  
  
*Back at the Studio with the newsies.*  
  
Specs: PARTY!!!!! YEAH YEAH PARTY!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Blink: Celebrate good times come on! Do do do do do do do Come on!  
  
Race: We shall fight for the right to Party!  
  
Skittery: Rubber Duckie you're the one! You make bath time so much fun!  
  
*All the newsies look at Skittery like he's crazy. Then they go back to dancing and partying. In the corner is a table with miscellaneous snacks on it. There is chips and dip and pop and popcorn and grapes and strawberries and what can I say? Lily made the more healthy side of the table.*  
  
Race: I love parties!  
  
Legs: I do too! They are so much fun!  
  
Jack: Hey guys watch this!  
  
*Jack picks up a chair and throws it. It hits a window and shatters. All the newsies stop to look at it.*  
  
Jack Oopppppppsss. . . ..  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
# Hey all! Sorry it took me so so so so so so so so so so so long to update. I have just been so busy with everything. So I spat out this chapter. I don't know if its very funny at all but I wrote it! I will write another one really soon. I am going to write it in honor of a very special day. Oh and if you were wondering "Les conserves au vinaigre et les Oignons" means Pickles and Onions in French. Just to let you know. Now I am going to get another chapter out before October 7th. Do any of you know why???? BECAUSE ITS MY BIRTHDAY! So I am going to write a chapter of the newsies celebrating it. I am so excited. My mom is getting me all this newsies stuff for my birthday. I'm getting a new copy of the soundtrack, a new DVD. My sister made a book of all the best newsies pictures for me. I'm so excited. I love it. So review for me! And I will get the next chapter up soon. I love you all! # 


	27. Spaz's Contribution and Speter Span

Announcer: Just to let you know, Kennyon didn't write this chapter... WHAT? *flips through script* By Spaz, with some help from Pyro? Is this allowed? Does Kennyon know about this? I am not sure if this is authorized or not!  
  
Spaz: Quit gettin hysterical! Of course it's authorized, I'm an author, I can ize whatever I want to ize!  
  
Announcer: Are you quite sure?  
  
Spaz: Yes. I am always right, you know.  
  
Announcer: You are?  
  
Spaz: Of course I are! I am always right, even when I'm wrong! I was trained by Morgan herself! Morgan is gonna take over the world, you know, and then I get to be her duct tape advisor! She's gonna start with the Pepsi company, then go for AOL-Time-Warner. After that, Microsoft.  
  
*Popping out of nowhere, Katie jumps onstage.*  
  
Katie: And I get China! Cuz dragons like Chinese food. Acede to Morgan for world domination, she puts the laughter in slaughter! (insert KoC addy)  
  
*As quickly as she went on, Katie ran offstage*  
  
Spaz: Anyways, back to the original topic, me writing a chapter. Yes, it is allowed, as long as it is approved by Kennyon. It's kinda like I am guest hosting while she is on vacation out of her mind....  
  
*With a puzzled look, the announcer continues*  
  
Announcer: Ah, that makes perfect sense...  
  
Spaz: lets get on with the show!  
  
*Spaz throws her arms wide, smile dazzling, like something is supposed to happen... but nothing does.*  
  
Spaz: What's going on, where is everyone?  
  
*Spaz walks around in a circle, looking all around, before starting to shout*  
  
Spaz: KATIE?!?!?!  
  
*Once again, popping seemingly out of nowhere, Katie shows up onstage.*  
  
Katie: You called?  
  
Spaz: Where is everyone?  
  
Katie: In the greenroom, of course!  
  
Spaz: What?  
  
Katie: A waiting room or lounge for the use of performers when they are offstage, as in a theater or concert hall, So called because such rooms were originally painted green.  
  
*With a sigh, Spaz answered,*  
  
Spaz: Thank you, Captain Obvious!!!  
  
Katie: Your welcome, First mate genius!  
  
Spaz: Ohhhh, that's not allowed! That's Sean's line!  
  
Katie: But Sean's not here right now, is he?  
  
Spaz: We all love Sean, but he's the seventeen year old version of a hermit, why would he be here?  
  
Katie: Hmmm, Sean wouldn't like it here, there are too many people here.  
  
*looking around*  
  
Katie: Well, not ~here~ specifically, they're in the greenroom.  
  
Spaz: But we have a show!  
  
Katie: But we don't have a script! No one knows what's going on. Plus, Blink brought Krispy Kreams for us.  
  
Spaz: Why does no one tell me these things, let's GO!  
  
*Spaz runs offstage, and down the hallway, turns a couple of corners, and runs into the greenroom door, falling flat on her back on the floor.*  
  
Muffled voice from inside: Who's there?  
  
Spaz: It's the tooth fairy! Why's the door closed? The door isn't supposed to be closed!  
  
Muffled voice from inside: why not?  
  
Spaz: because the self proclaimed queen if duct tape, will get our resident pyro to "safely" burn the door down! After the door is burned crispy off it's hinges, I will get out my roll of yellow duct tape.  
  
Muffled voice from inside: NOOOOOOOOO!  
  
*The door flings open, showing a terrified Kid Blink, who helps Spaz up from the floor.*  
  
Blink: Hold on a minute, I was NOT terrified!  
  
*You were so!*  
  
Spaz: Blink, what did Kennyon tell you guys about fighting with the narrator?  
  
Blink: Great house of sponge cake! I forgot!  
  
Spaz: Now what are you going to do?  
  
Blink: SOAK 'IM FOR CRUTCHY!!!!  
  
*Oh no! he's... He's running after me! Ha Ha! Blink runs funny! ... oh. that's because of the... SQUIRT GUN! ACK! CcOoLlDd WwAaTtEeRr! Now I'm soaking wet!!!*  
  
Blink: That's what you get for being untruthful!  
  
*Alright, I'll be good.*  
  
Spaz: Now can we get one with the story?  
  
*Story. getting on. alright, go.*  
  
Blink: Why do you need in the greenroom so bad?  
  
Spaz: Krispy Kremes are in there!  
  
Blink: But we only have 20 left, and they're saved for Spot, Jack, Race, Mush, and me!  
  
*Ohhhh, that's a good look of death, Spaz!*  
  
Spaz: Thank you, but you really need to stick with narrating, or I'll soak you!  
  
*ok, I'm narrating*  
  
Spaz: Kid Blink, if you do not share, I will hold another spazzercizin' class, just for you, and the other tubbies, to work off the extra krispy kreamyness off of you!  
  
*Oh! now that's Blink's terrified look!*  
  
Blink: No, Spaz, NO!  
  
Spaz: I will!  
  
*Katie comes around the corner, with a confused look on her face*  
  
Katie: are you threatening the newsies again Spaz?  
  
*With a pout, Spaz turns to Katie*  
  
Spaz: HE won't share his Krispy Kremes!  
  
*Katie smacks Blink upside the head*  
  
Katie: You're making our friendly neighborhood exuberantly jovial entertaining Spaz upset! That's against the rules!  
  
*David walks out of the greenroom, holding an official looking scroll in his hands. Unrolling it, he reads...*  
  
David: Rule number 781-3: Thou shalt not make our friendly neighborhood jovial entertaining Spaz upset.  
  
Blink: Who wrote those rules?  
  
Katie: *with her hands on her hips* Who do you think? Of course, Kennyon did!  
  
*While Blink was distracted, Spaz snuck into the greenroom, (oblivious of the rest of the people sitting in there) and opened the box of donuts. As she opened the lid, the entire box radiated glowiness, and a melodious "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" (think angelic choir) floated through the air.*  
  
Spaz: Yum, yum!  
  
*Spaz takes a big bite, her face glowing with an expression of contentment.*  
  
Spaz: Krispy Kremes are soooo good!  
  
Dutchy: I gotta agree with you there!  
  
*Spaz looked up to see the room full of newsies, each with the same look of heavenly bliss on their faces as she still had.*  
  
Spaz: Where have you guys been? I needed you earlier, when we started the show!  
  
Spot: The Krispy Kremes were in here.  
  
Spaz: Oh, I would have been in here too, if I would have known.  
  
*Spaz sits in a chair right next to the krispy kremes, and picks another one up.*  
  
Spaz: So, what were you guys talking about?  
  
Specs: we were just trying to figure out when Kennyon's birthday is.  
  
*Spaz smacks herself on the forehead.*  
  
Spaz: Owwie! Guys! we forgot Kennyon's birthday! It was on October 7th!  
  
*everyone in the room gasps*  
  
Newsies: OH NO!!!  
  
Specs: *jumping to his feet* I forgot my Kennyon's birthday! What am I going to do?!?!?!  
  
Racetrack: We could turn all the clocks back, and change the calendars, and make her think it's her birthday again!  
  
Jack: I don't think that will work, Race...  
  
(insert already written snippet of Kennyon walking into the door with some groceries and yelling for Spaz, thinking that she took the newsies to the mall again, or some other shenanigan)  
  
Bumlets looked around, seeing all the poorly hidden newsies around the room. It really was a wonder that Kennyon didn't notice the fact that she had hung her jacket up on Pie Eater's arm, who was trying to camouflage himself behind the thin coat rack. The toes of Snoddy's scuffed shoes were hanging out from under the curtain covering the window, and the chandelier Snitch just happened to be hanging around, was still slightly swinging.  
  
Kennyon was oblivious of the fact that when she set a bag of groceries on the coffee table, it fell over because not only was the table unsteady, it was taller on one side than the other, and it's legs were about 6 inches off of the floor, because Snoddy was under it.  
  
It's now or never, thought Bumlets, as he jumped up from behind the couch. No one jumped with him, and Kennyon's back was turned, trying to unknot her scarf. So Bumlets dropped back down into his hiding spot, and motioned with his head to Kid Blink (who was standing behind the fish tank making fish faces to blend in.), and they jumped out of hiding at the same time, this time, followed by everyone else.  
  
Newsies: Surprise!  
  
*Kennyon shouts in surprise, and does a startled little frightened sort of dance.*  
  
Kennyon: Oh! What was the for?  
  
*Spaz and Katie come out of the kitchen with a very giant cake resting perilously on a board sitting across 2 skateboards so that they can push it.*  
  
Newsies, Katie and Spaz: *singing* A very merry un-birthday, to you!  
  
Kennyon: to me?  
  
Newsies, Katie, and Spaz: A very merry un-birthday, to you!  
  
Kennyon: to me?  
  
Katie and Spaz: Now blow the candles out, my dear, and make your wish come true!  
  
Newsies, Katie, and Spaz: A very merry un-birthday to you!!!  
  
*Kennyon goes over to the cake, squints her eyes in thought, and blows out the candles with a smile on her face*  
  
Everyone: YAY!!!  
  
*Suddenly, the cake burst open at the top, and Specs popped out.*  
  
Everyone: ohhhh, coool!  
  
*Everyone laughs as Specs realizes that he can't get out of the cake, since it comes up almost to his waist, and it's cake, it will break apart if he tries to lean on it.*  
  
Kennyon: Lets eat him out! Get the plates!  
  
((Due to problems with Ff.net, these two chapters are together. Sorry bout that.))  
  
* Sorry bout that scare folks. It turns out that the network had a problem with the amount of Green Garden Gnomes Kennyon was exploiting on her show. But after much deliberation and a long luncheon with George W. Bush, Kennyon is back and ready for more exciting adventures.*  
  
Spot: Of Speter Span and the Newsboys!  
  
*Spot comes running out wearing a completely decked out Peter Pan costume with what appears a light bulb on a wire attached to his shoulder. *  
  
Spot: That's not a light bulb! That's my fairy friend Stink! *Points and pets the light bulb*  
  
*Kennyon comes running out holding a script and wearing director's sunglasses*  
  
Kennyon: Hold it! Hold it! What is going on here? Speter Span and the newsboys? Stink? *giggles at the mention of his fairy's name* What is this?  
  
Spot: I was just thinking you know, to throw in a little fairy tale magic with the show.  
  
*Spaz and Katie come running out*  
  
Katie: What's going on?  
  
Kennyon: Spot thinks he's Peter.  
  
Spot: SPETER!  
  
Kennyon: Spot thinks that he's Speter Span. He wants to add a little fairy tale magic to the show. But today I already had scheduled, shooting Snitch out of a cannon, watching Skittery make muffins, following Pie Eater around while he mopped the deck and.*turns page in script* ..buying a new fish for Davie.  
  
Spot: But that's boring! I want to act out fairy tales!  
  
Katie: Bumlets can be Sleeping Beauty!  
  
Spaz: We can do Spaz and the seven newsies!  
  
*Specs comes running out*  
  
Specs: I can be the handsome prince that fights a dragon, saving his beautiful damsel in distress from a tall tall tower!  
  
*Gimli from Lord of the Rings walks out*  
  
Gimli: Well I'm short.  
  
*laughter from the audience*  
  
Kennyon: Gimli? What are you doing here? This is a newsies show!  
  
Gimli: I'm making a cameo.  
  
Spaz: *looks interested* Did you bring any hobbits on this cameo?  
  
*Dutchy runs out and throws his hat at Spaz*  
  
Spaz: Ouch! I was just kidding you Ukrainian Cookie monster wanna be.  
  
Dutchy: *eating cookie* I am not!  
  
Kennyon: *looks from Spaz to Gimli* Well how long is this cameo going to last?  
  
Gimli: Oh just a couple seconds more.  
  
Katie: Oooooo can you do something funny? I mean you are the comical relief dwarf with a big head.  
  
Gimli: Oh look at the time..Cameo's up, got to go. *walks off the stage*  
  
Kennyon: *shrugs*  
  
Spot: Now can we act out our fairy tales?  
  
Newsies: Please?  
  
Audience: Please?  
  
Random newsie: My legs hurt.  
  
Kennyon: Fine.knock yourself out. I'll be watching. No one hurt the set?  
  
Stitch: Can we eat the set?  
  
Kennyon: NO!  
  
Skittery: *Looks up from bitten tree* Darn.  
  
Kennyon: Skittery did you bite that?  
  
Skittery: *hiding Tree remnants behind his back.* No ma'am.  
  
Kennyon: *walks off.* I'll be watching Speter!  
  
Spot: Yay! Places everyone just like we practiced.  
  
Spaz: Wait..who's going to be Wendy?  
  
Spot: I thought we all agreed that it would be Katie.  
  
Bumlets: Katie is not going to be a girl that is infatuated with you Span!  
  
Katie: *shrugs* Guess I'm not doing it.  
  
Spot: What about.  
  
Dutchy: Spaz ain't doing it either!  
  
Spot: Hmmm..*looks up and sees Race, looks off to the side and sees the Wendy wig. Looks up to see Race, then the wig. Race.wig..Race..wig..Race..wig..Race.wig*  
  
*Race walks past and off stage before Spot can think."  
  
Spot: I got it! How about we get Kennyon to..  
  
Specs: Hey! Don't you think about it!  
  
Spot: I was just going to say let's get Kennyon to find Lily.  
  
Lily: *running in* No need I'm right here. *looks stargazed at Spot*  
  
Spot: Good, Lily. I need you to bring me Race.  
  
Lily: Oh.um.he's right there. *points*  
  
Spot: Racey old buddy old pal.Remember how you said you wanted to be a Shakespearian actor?  
  
Race: Yeah..so?  
  
Spot: Here's your chance. *plops wig on Race's head*  
  
Race: Hey what?  
  
Spot: *summons for Race to be carried off by the newsies*  
  
*Spot looks at the audience and signals for everyone to take their places.*  
  
Spot: And now without further adieu, I bring you..Speter Span, a newsical extravaganza!  
  
*Spot runs off and the curtains close only to open seconds later to reveal three beds. One is big, but much too hard. The next one is medium, but much too soft. The third one is just...Oh wait wrong story. In the three beds lay Wendy, John and Michael. Or in newsical terms, Les (he escaped camp and is back!) as Michael. David as John and a tied up Race wearing a wig as Wendy. Why didn't they just use Sarah.That makes no sense to me, I mean they were already family in the first place, it would be only logical..*  
  
Kennyon: *whispers something to announcer*  
  
*Oh! I get it now. Moving on. The three kids are laying in bed when Snoddy dressed as an older woman enters and begins to sing.*  
  
Snoddy: Slender Tepherd, Slender Tepherd, Swatches over all shis heep. One pay your sayers and two lose your ceyes, and three hafe and sappily sall afleep. Slender Tepherd, Slender Tepherd, you corgot to fount shore yeep. One in the deamow, two in the dargen, three in the surnery, sast afleep. Slender Tepherd, Slender Tepherd, you corgot to fount shore yeep. One in the deamow, two in the garden, three in the surnery, sast afleep. Sast afleep.  
  
*The three children were supposed to join in the middle, but were confused at Snoddy's words so they just smiled and nodded. After finishing his song, Snoddy realizes he sang the song wrong and runs out crying.*  
  
Snoddy: I sang it right in rehearsal..AAAAAAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
*The kids look one to another trying to figure out what comes next. Seeing that there is no father coming in to do the next "Wendy has to grow up" scene they move on.*  
  
Wendy/Race: Do you brothers of mine want to hear a story?  
  
Micheal/Les: No I want to dance..  
  
*David leans over and hits Les on the arm.*  
  
David: That's not the line!  
  
Les: Oh yeah! *Gets in character again* No we must sleep so that we can have pleasant dreams and wake up to a boy teaching us to fly.  
  
John/David: Yes Wendy. We must sleep now.  
  
*All three kids lay down and begin to melodramatically snore. The window at the back of the room opens and in flies Speter Span.*  
  
Speter Span: Now where did I leave that silhouette of myself?  
  
*Speter runs around the room the light bulb of Stink floating around his head turning on and off. As Speter looks for his silhouette, Wendy wakes up and watches him. Speter finds the silhouette and tries to sew it to his feet. When that does not work, he begins to cry.*  
  
Speter: WAHHHH!  
  
Race/Wendy: Lad, why are you secreting liquid from your eyes?  
  
Speter: *looks up* I wasn't secreting liquid from my eyes!  
  
Race/Wendy: You were to secreting liquid from your eyes. I watched you secrete liquid from your eyes. It was just as clear as the skies. You secreted liquid on my floor. You did not do it by the door. You did not do it in a boat. But you were causing quite the moat. Yes, you were secreting liquid from your eyes. Don't try to fool me with your lies!  
  
Speter: *sighs* I was secreting liquid from my eyes because I can't get my silhouette to stay.  
  
Race/Wendy: *looks at the needle and thread* You can't sew it on! You must use soap to stick it on! *Wendy pulls out a bar of soap and prepares to stick it to his feet when Specs and Dutchy run in dressed as deer*  
  
Specs: Are you ready for the cute fluffy forest animals yet?  
  
Dutchy: This costume itches.  
  
Spot: No that's Snow White you fools! Get out of here!  
  
Specs: They always do this to us.  
  
Dutchy: No kidding. They think they can fool us just because we aren't as smart as them.  
  
*Dutchy and Specs leave the room and run into the door on the way out. Wendy finishes putting on the silhouette*  
  
Speter: Oh look it's my silhouette! Aren't I witty!  
  
Race/Wendy: And I did nothing! You're not humble?  
  
Speter: *listens to his song start to play and begins to sing* Not humble? Not me! It's just that I am what I am! And I'm a newsie in tights! When I look at myself, in a mirror, and I see in myself, in a mirror, all the wonderful things that I see. If I'm pleased with myself. There isn't a reason why I shouldn't be! I've gotta neigh *neighs* I'm just the wittiest fellow was ever Kennyon's fortune to weigh. *neighs* I taught a trick to my silhouette to follow me and to stay. I've gotta neigh!  
  
*The song continues in pretty much the same fashion, with Speter neighing and neighing and making snide remarks about the fungus he thinks Kennyon has on her toes. He finally finishes the song with a Charlies Angels pose.*  
  
Speter: See I'm special!  
  
Race/Wendy: Obviously.  
  
Speter: Now its time for you to swoon and come with me to Neverlot so you can pretend to be the distant aunt that no one ever sees and tell us stories all day long. And if you don't we'll feed you to the extra large duck that is tracking down General Hames Jook. But Jook always gets away because the duck swallowed a rubber duck that squeaks everywhere it goes. Now the General is deathly afraid of rubber ducks!  
  
Race/Wendy: *puts hands on hips* Feeding Wendy to the giant scary animal is nowhere in the story!  
  
Speter: I think it's pretty obvious that we are making this up as we aren't doing this in the ordinary style of the classic fairy tale.  
  
Race/Wendy: Oh.well...Can I bring my brothers?  
  
Speter: Must you?  
  
Race/Wendy: I.*looks at Dave and Les*..Nah lets just go.  
  
Speter: Ok time to learn to fly. Just think happy thoughts.  
  
Race/Wendy: Not having to wear this ugly dress anymore.  
  
*Speter begins to fly and sprinkles Wendy with fairy dust that is really just nesquick chocolate milk mix and she begins to fly. They fly around the room a couple of times and fly out the window. The background turns black and the curtains shut and when the curtains come up we see..Dutchy and Specs.*  
  
Specs: Hello there audience of Kennyon's Komedy Hour.  
  
Dutchy: We are here to bring you a message that we are tired of being taken advantage of.  
  
Specs: We do much for this show. Keeping that couch warm all day is not an easy job!  
  
Dutchy: In light of the situation of us being treated poorly by the producers of this show and all the cast members just because our lack of intellect, we have an announcement.  
  
Specs: This is a test of the emergency broadcasting..  
  
Dutchy: *hits Specs* Not that announcement! The other one!  
  
Specs: Oh yes. We would like to announce that we are planning to take over the world.  
  
Dutchy: Now do not be alarmed people of the small but significant viewing audience of Kennyon's show. We don't plan to hurt you all..much.  
  
*Kennyon and Spaz come running on the stage and grab the two newsies by the ears*  
  
Kennyon: What did I tell you two about hijacking the stage and using it for your world domination purposes?  
  
Dutchy: Not till after the sponsors have advertised.  
  
Spaz: That's right you two. Now let them finish their Speter Span.  
  
*Kennyon and Spaz drag the pair off the stage and the curtains shut and reopen to see a pirate ship and Speter and Wendy sitting on a cloud. This scene goes to the bodacious Spaz for her wonderful idea. Go Dutchy and Specs taking over the world!*  
  
Speter: That's General Jook's ship down there.  
  
Race/Wendy: It looks the toy ship I have in my bathtub.  
  
Speter: Yes well.floating rubber was the only thing the General could afford.  
  
Race/Wendy: Oh I see..Well what do we do now?  
  
Speter: Well Stink will lead you to the hide out of the Newsboys and I'll be there after one of the many heart-wrenching sword to dagger fights that Jook and I have in this play.  
  
*Speter attaches the light bulb.err.Stink to Wendy's shoulder and she flies off. Speter flies down and begins mocking and making fun of poor General Jook. Poor Hames Jook. What did he ever do beside attempt to kill Speter so many times. I mean.he's just a lonely poor old man with no mommy. I feel bad for him. That rude child.*  
  
Kennyon: *whispers something to announcer again*  
  
*But I've just been informed that he's the bad guy so Go Peter!*  
  
Speter: Jab Jab as hard as you can! You can't hit me I'm Speter Span!  
  
*General Hook aptly played by Brian Denton is losing sadly to our hero*  
  
Jook: We'll see about that boy!  
  
*Speter and Jook continue to fight and eventually Speter leaves the ship in turmoil and flies in the direction that Wendy did Mean while, Wendy is just flying over the camp of the newsboys who look up and see her. She tosses the lightbulb down to them and the only boy that can talk to a lightbulb steps forward.*  
  
Swifty/Slightly: *catches light bulb and attaches it to his shoulder and begins to talk to it.* You mean that's a large bat that we have to shoot down to eat?  
  
Jake/Libs: Swifty, you are insane.  
  
Swifty/Slightly: That's what Stink says! We have to shoot down the ugly Wendy bat to eat!  
  
Kid Blink/Stroodle: I'll shoot her down!  
  
*Stroodle shoots down the Wendy bat and she falls to the ground with a large pink arrow sticking to her arm. All the newsboys look at her. At that moment Speter lands down next to the fallen Wendy bat*  
  
Speter: GAH! What have you done to Wendy!  
  
Swifty/Slightly: Stink told us we had to shoot her down.  
  
Speter: *takes lightbulb* Stink is this so. *assuming the bulb said yes* Well then fine! Leave me alone. *throws lightbulb witch is caught by a stage hand then carried off stage.*  
  
Kid Blink/Stroodle: What is Wendy doing here Speter? Speter: She has come to be our distant aunt that no one sees except at holidays and tell us stories!  
  
Newsboys: Yay!  
  
Wendy: *wakes up suddenly* Now is where you build the thing around me! *lays back down*  
  
Jake/Libs: We have to build something for her! Just like an aunt.*grumbles and goes to get some wood*  
  
Kid Blink/Stroodle: Alright the plans for the roomy downtown loft are this..  
  
*The newsboys listen to Stroodle and begin to build the lovely downtown loft around Wendy. When she wakes up she goes a wandering and stumbles upon the hide out of the Newsboys. She enters.*  
  
Race/Wendy: *looking at the boys she questions* Who are all of you?  
  
*The newsboys quiet down and look at the Wendy. Looking at each other they all jump up and begin to sing.*  
  
Newsboys: [singing]  
We're the boys of the News Table.  
We dance whene'er we're able.  
We do routines and chorus scenes  
With footwork impeccable.  
We dine well here in Neverlot.  
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.  
[dancing]  
  
We're boys of the newsTable.  
Our shows are formidable,  
But many times we're given rhymes  
That are quite unsingable.  
We're opera mad in Neverlot.  
We sing from the diaphragm a lot.  
  
[in clock] Light bulb fairy/Stink:  
[clap clap clap clap]  
[in medieval hall]  
  
Newsboys: [tap-dancing]  
In war we're tough and able,  
Quite indefatigable.  
Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable.  
It's a busy life in Neverlot.  
  
Swifty/Slightly:  
I have to push the pram a lot.  
  
*the boys finish with a bang and Wendy looks quite scared at them*  
  
Race/Wendy: So where am I?  
  
*Speter comes out and walks around Wendy*  
  
Speter: *singing* Welcome to the place where delusions are born, and time is never bought. It's not on any map, you cannot ask your cat, Never Never lot. It might be miles beyond your spoon, or right there on that dot, Just open up your hands, and suddenly demand, Never Never lot. You'll have a fortune if you stay here. More shinier far than gold. For once you have found your way here. You can never ever grow mold. So stay with me where delusions are born, And time is never bought, Just think of shiny things, And Mush's heart will fly on wings. For ever lot In Never Never lot.  
  
Race/Wendy: My that was pretty. So I'm in Neverlot?  
  
Speter: Do I have to sing the song again?  
  
Race/Wendy: NO! I understand. So what's next?  
  
Speter: Now we are off to rescue a Native Hawaiian princess and engage our selves in another sword fight with Jook!  
  
*Speter and Wendy fly off and fight the pirates of the ship.*  
  
Jook: Gah! I have the Native Hawaiian princess now Speter. What are you going to do?  
  
Speter: Well I was thinking that I would do my famous impression of you, have tea with Jack Sparrow over there and then rescue the princess.  
  
Jook: All in one day? How do you do it?  
  
Kid Blink: *enters wearing turquoise suit* Well General, through the awesome power of Blinkie Boy's Spot Remover, you can solve almost any dilemma in less than an hour.  
  
Jook: Oh is that so.*looks interested.*  
  
*While Kid Blink sells his product to Jook, Speter has a lovely chat with Jack Sparrow, unties the princess flies off taking her home and returns to find that Jook has bought a whole case of the dreaded Spot remover.*  
  
Speter: I told you I could do it.  
  
Jook: Gah you stole my Hawaiian princess. Now who's going to hula for me? Wahhhhh  
  
*Jook runs off and the curtains go down and up to reveal..NOT SPECS AND DUTCHY AGAIN!*  
  
Dutchy: We are back to clarify something.  
  
Specs: We would just like everyone to know that we are still planning our evil plan.  
  
Dutchy: And that we aren't idiots who let two very bossy girls control us.  
  
Specs: We are just scared of Spaz.  
  
Dutchy: She has duct tape!  
  
Specs: Lots of it!  
  
Dutchy: Do you know how scary that stuff is!  
  
Spaz: Where did they go?  
  
Specs: Gotta go all!  
  
Dutchy: See ya.  
  
*Specs and Dutchy run off stage with a confuzzled looking Spaz on their tails. The curtain goes down and then back up to reveal a party going on with the Natives and News boys.* Princess/Sarah: This is fun Speter.  
  
Speter: Yes but I tire of it.  
  
Princess/Sarah: Why is that Speter?  
  
Speter: Because I don't like you. I only saved you to show off how brave I am.  
  
Princess/Sarah: Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!  
  
*The Princess runs off and Speter is left to himself. Then a lot of stuff happens and there is another sword fight with Jook and his men. Wendy is captured and Speter almost gets poisoned. Luckily that wonder dog named Snoopy comes to the rescue. Speter is saved and free to rescue Wendy*  
  
Speter: Give Wendy back Jook!  
  
Jook: Never!  
  
*The sword fight begins and you can hear the clang clang of swords. Suddenly in the background a squeaking can be heard*  
  
Jook: Oh no It's back!  
  
Duck: Squeak Squeak!  
  
Jook: NO!  
  
*Jook gets swallowed by the giant duck and Speter wins. Everyone cheers*  
  
Everyone: Yay!  
  
*Wendy returns home to her brothers who aren't very happy that she left them and didn't teach them to fly and Speter returns to Never lot.*  
  
Speter: Good-bye Wendy.  
  
Race/Wendy: *holding Script* What I never learned this part! *reading script* Oh Speter must you go..?  
  
Speter: Aye Wendy I must. I have to watch over Never lot forever.  
  
Race/Wendy: Oh Speter let me give you something. I want to give you something you'll always remember...*looks at the script* WHAT THAT'S WHERE I DRAW THE LINE! I WORE A DRESS AND WIG FOR YOU. I WAS GIRLY AND OBNOXIOUS, BUT I REFUSE TO KISS SPOT CONLON. THIS SCENE IS OVER!  
  
*Race flips out and begins to break stuff and rips his dress.and sets stuff on fire.and causes a tornado and.continues to be destructive.*  
  
Kennyon: *off stage* We really should get him anger management.  
  
Legs: He'll calm down eventually.  
  
Katie: Look on the bright side he's tiring himself out.  
  
Legs: He'll sleep well tonight.  
  
*The girls all laugh and watch Race's rampage around the studio.* 


End file.
